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Developing empathy in children

Note: while reading the word “child” you can also overlook on “adults” who have Child ego state, as well as yourself.

“Child ego state is a state in which a person acts, thinks and feels just the way that person used to act, think and feel when he/she was a child. For example, someone whose work gets badly marked, may act by keeping his/her head down looking at the floor with the feeling of shame or anger because he or she used to act that way when he or she was a child”

There are many reasons why children are becoming timid, and to get to the base of the problem it is needed to work on it. This time, the subject of this writing is how to accept timid child in a new environment.

Ever since the workshops started, for numerous times it happened that we had a new kid or kids in a group – there are many similarities as well as differences. When we have two or more new kids they are almost always open minded, sociable, brave because everything is easier in a known company…but it gets harder for them when they have to be separated from their friend to do something on their own.

It is happening more often that the child that finds him or herself in a new situation alone gets out of his or her comfort zone easier than a child in someone else’s company. Ok, you could say that the child that is alone doesn’t have other choice but have it in mind that the child needs to be ready for that new step, you should tell him or her that everything is going to be ok and you should be supportive.

Recently we had a new girl in the studio. She was scared, her concentration was low because new voices echoed in her head, she saw a new kids who know each other, they get along fine, new space, her parents weren’t around nether anyone she knows…she starts to draw, then stops, then does it all over again. I approach her, tried to explain that I’m accepting her, and that I like that she joined us, but she remained silent, looking around and the kids who don’t notice her.

It’s a breakfast break – another new situation for her. She stays sitting at the table, drawing while the other kids are going to the balcony for breakfast and to exchange experiences about new places they visited, new games that they played, new food that they tasted and what have they drawn in the past days that they haven’t seen each other. It was obvious at that moment that the new girl needed acceptance by the children from the group and not from me. I checked to see if it’s safe to talk to one girl from the group and I explained to her how the new girl feels, what she needs and how she could approach her if she wants to. Sincerely, I didn’t know how she would react and I was pleasantly surprised when she approach her and step by step they started to get close and to share things. The smile was on her face for the rest of the workshop.

Why is it important to develop empathy in children:

-encouraging healthy emotionally development

-the more we understand other people the more we will understand ourselves, and vice versa

-developing self-confidence

-encouraging positive thinking

-learning to love ourselves and others

-creating the filling to be free to ask

I recommend reading the book The Art of Empowered Parenting: The Manual You Wish Your Kids Came with by authors Erik Fisher, Steven W Sharp and Diane Fivaz Wichman.

The book talks about this theme and it’s about positive education based on love, instead of fear.

You could find it on www.bookdepository.com, shipping is free and the only imperfection is that you have to wait for it for 2-3 weeks, but if you want it that much –I’m sure that waiting won’t be a problem for you.

I enjoy in common creative growing up with the kids and our development in great human beings!

New text about rewards and punishments as the follow-up to this is coming soon.

Stay tuned!

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Razvijanje empatije kod dece

Napomena: prilikom čitanja pod rečju "dete" se možete obazirati i na "odrasle" osobe koje su u ego stanju deteta, kao i na vas same.

 "Ego stanje Dete je stanje u kome se osoba ponaša, misli i oseća ono kako se ponašala, mislila i osećala kada je bila dete. Na primer, osoba čiji rad loše ocene na poslu, može da odreaguje tako što će spustiti glavu i gledati u pod, osećajući stid ili bes, jer je to tako radila kao dete"

http://www.epsihijatar.com/psihoterapija/transakciona-analiza/

  Postoji mnogo razloga nastanka stidljivosti kod dece, a da bi došli do baze potrebno je, naravno, raditi na tome. Ovog puta, tema pisanja je kako prihvatiti stidljivo dete kada se nađe u novoj sredini.

Od kako postoje radionice, mnogo puta se desilo da se jelte pojavi novo dete ili deca u grupi - ovde postoji puno sličnosti ali i razlika. Kada se pojavi dvoje ili više dece, oni su uglavnom otvoreni, druželjubivi, hrabri jer u poznatom društvu je sve lakše..ali im isto tako teško pada razdvajanje kada trebaju da urade nešto samostalno bez ovog drugog. Češće se dešava u praksi da dete koje se našlo samo u novoj situaciji lakše snađe i izađe iz zone komfornosti nego dete koje je u društvu nekog drugog. Ok, rećićete da samo dete nema drugog izbora ali imajte na umu da dete treba da bude spremno na taj korak, da mu kažete da je sve ok i da ga podržite.

Elem, skoro se u studiju pojavila nova devojčica. Uplašena, koncentracija je opala jer su joj u glavi odzvanjali novi glasovi, videla je decu koja se znaju, lepo slažu i druže, novi prostor, roditelji nisu tu niti iko poznat,....počinje da crta pa staje i tako u krug. Prišla sam joj i objasnila da je prihvatam i da volim što je tu i što nam se pridružila, ali ona i dalje ćuti, gleda oko sebe i decu koja je ne primećuju. Dolazi vreme za pauzu - još jedna nova situacija za nju. Ona ostaje za stolom da crta dok ostala deca odlaze na terasu da doručkuju i da razmene iskustva o novim mestima koje su posetili, novim igrama koje su igrali, hrani koju su probali i šta su to crtali i pravili proteklih dana kojih se nisu videli. Bilo je jasno da je njoj bilo potrebno da je prihvate ostala deca u tom trenutku, a ne ja. Proverila sam da li je bezbedno da razgovaram sa jednom devojčicom iz grupe i objasnila sam joj kako se nova devojčica oseća, šta joj je potrebno i na koji način bi mogla da joj priđe ukoliko to želi. Iskreno, nisam znala kako će da reaguje i prijatno sam se iznenadila kada je otišla kod nje i polako su počinjale da se upoznaju i dele stvari. Osmeh je do kraja radionice bio na njenom licu.

Zašto je bitno razvijati empatiju kod dece:

- podsticanje zdravog emocionalnog razvoja

- što više razumemo druge ljude toliko ćemo i sebe, i obrnuto

- razvijanje samopouzdanja - podsticanje pozitivnog razmišljanja

- učimo da volimo

- stvaranje slobode da pitamo..

Knjiga koju bih preporučila vezanu za ovu temu je The Art of Empowered Parenting: The Manual You Wish Your Kids Came with od autora Erik Fisher, Steven W Sharp i Diane Fivaz Wichman.

Govori o pozitivnom vaspitanju bazirajući se na ljubav, a ne na strah.

Mislim da još uvek nema prevod na srpski ali verziju na engleskom možete potražiti na www.bookdepository.com, poštarina je besplatna i jedina mana je što ćete čekati na nju 2-3 nedelje, ali ukoliko je želite verujem da vam to čekanje neće predstavljati problem.

Uživam u zajedničkom kreativnom odrastanju i razvijanju u divne ljude!

Uskoro novi tekst o nagradama i kaznama kao nastavak na ovaj.

Pratite nas!