#alan chains

[opinionated-cheapskate]

A True Pessimist

By Alan Chains. Available here.

Despite a great number of factors, I am an undying optimist. There is always a way for things to turn out alright. This story seems to be entirely antithetical to this perspective.

The narrator writes columns for a semi-legal advice magazine type thing. He’s struggling to come up with the final column he’s been commissioned to write, so he takes off on a spontaneous road trip. He ends up at a diner where he becomes involved in conversation with a rather grumpy man.

First the narrator divulges random “facts” about the publishing industry. Then he wheedles the man about his own life, disgruntled with his own candor. At first the man’s statements are vague and unusual, but it comes out he’s a famous action star. He seems to despise his life, and describes it as very taxing and dull.

Then the narrator goes home to find his wife sleeping with the divorce columnist. He takes over the divorce column. The end.

Maybe I’m just not jaded enough for this, the writing itself was perfectly adequate but the pervasive misery and, well, pessimism just really didn’t line up for me. Yeah, my life’s miserable sometimes but it’s not universal and it’s not inescapable. Everyone has some small moments of joy, even if they can’t quite recognize them for what they are.

~

Page count: 7

Objective quality: 4/5

Personal enjoyment: 2/5

Amazon review