#alannahvent

[alannahablar]

Sorry if ive been on the quiet side a lot has happened in the past week. A few life changing decisions had been made and Processing it all hasnt been unicorns and rainbows.

But as always~! Trying to stay optimistic about it.

[alannahablar]

I wanna point this out there, Ive seen a few accounts change their blog for the holiday season. And I just wanna throw a little friendly advice.

Dont use the brightest red you can find. It can be very eyestraining to some.

[alannahablar]

[alannahablar]

Mmmmhh~

Im gonna be turning Anonymous off for a bit~ :3c Maybe then the message can get through. 

[alannahablar]

When your head hurt-

[alannahablar]

A small, FYI

I just want to give my friends a small heads up about some stuff-

Some of Ya’ll know I worked a retail job as a Manager for 11 years- I had the title ‘Manager’ but it was more of a glorified slave title. I managed the toy department- and between the months of November and December it became a rough time for me-

I’d be awake at 4am, clock in at 5am, and sometimes I’d be working so hard, I usually don’t clock out until 4pm, 7pm or sometimes 10pm. 

(the max shift you have is 8 hours, so I would have been working 5am to 2pm with an hour lunch break)

For my first year- I thought I had thought I was doing good! But, as the years went on I realized that, I would wake up, work, go home late, and just cry myself to sleep.

If I had gotten home at 10pm, I tend to unwind a bit before bed. I don’t usually fall asleep until midnight, which gives me 4 hours roughly of sleep. 

The closer it got to the holidays the worse it would get- “I need you to do this, Can you stay over and work this for me, You cant leave your inventory out like this! Why isn’t this out on the shelf yet?!”

I asked for help countless times, but I never EVER got the help I needed. 

Id get yelled at by not only my peers- but the customers also-

its apparently my fault because “You don’t have this toy in stock now my kids Christmas is ruined-” 

I’m no longer working for that business- and I know 11 years doesn't sound like a lot. But it is. and i am glad to be out of that toxic environment. 

I’ve been unemployed for 2 years now, but those dreaded times are forever engraved into my emotional state of mind- I cant enjoy the holidays because of what this company has done to me. So if I do some off as different, snappy, or I ‘ghost’ for a day or so.. I am incredibly sorry- Its hard to ask for emotional support when I’ve never asked for help in my life. (I’m so independent I always found it hard to ask for help)

I’ve been barely sleeping already as is, and I’ve been bottling myself up a lot- 

and yanno what happens when it bottles up.

It’s going to eventually explode.. and that’s when i’ll probably be at my worst. 

so in all honesty, I am giving an apology for a heads up. because I’m not going to be my happy go lucky self for a while.

[alannahablar]

They say stress is a bad form of weight loss.

Look at me go! Ill be skinny by the end of next week!

[alannahablar]

Its 2am, im sleepy.

But

The cricket

Wont

Stop

chirping

AND I DONT KNOW WHERE IT IS.

ThenagainIhavntbeensleepingwellanyway-