In Loving Memory|| Ariana, Kitty, Leah, & Nicole
TIMING: Between Alcher’s Death and the Season 3 Finale PARTIES: @letsbenditlikebennett @kallmekitty @phoenixleah @nicsalazar SUMMARY: Ariana, Kitty, Leah, and Nicole meet to honor Alcher’s life and memory. CONTENT: Just some grieving friends. :/
Ariana was thankful that Kitty had been there with her all morning to help her get things set up. It was one thing to face Kitty who offered endless support no matter what she decided, but it was a completely different thing to face Alcher’s other friends. To look them in the eye and know she should have done more to stop the outcome of the fight with Kaden. Even now, she couldn’t imagine throwing him under the bus. No matter how much he haunted her nightmares, both in her sleep and while awake. She’d set up a table for refreshments. She figured some German beers were the way to go so bottles of Warsteiner and Carlsberg were put in ice on the table along with some cured meats and soft baked pretzels. A small nod to the first place Alcher ever called home. For the tree they were going to plant and spread most of her ashes around, she’d chosen an oak tree. Strong and understated, just like Alcher. She’d had a little stone made up to place beside the tree that said “In Loving Memory of Alcher”. She let out a sigh as she waited for the others to arrive and told Kitty, “Thanks for being here and helping me get set up.”
Kitty hadn’t been there when Alcher died. Really, looking at that moment, she doubted that there would have been much that she could do. But she could do this. She could be here for Ari. She could be here for the memory of Alcher. She hadn’t known the older wolf for very long, but she knew that she had cared for those that were close to her. She cared for those she saw as family, and Kitty was from a world where family was everything, even if she ran from it sometimes. She stuffed her hands in her pockets, dark jeans and a black tanktop the only thing she had that were particularly appropriate for mourning, and shrugged. “‘Course, shortstack. No place else I’d be.” She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want this to be real, but that’s how things were going. This was what she could do, so it was what Kitty would do.
On their first meeting, something about Alcher scared Leah. It was her bravery, maybe, or her instant protectiveness the moment she suspected Leah might be supernatural. They met by chance, but over pizza, Alcher had offered Leah friendship and a protector, all wrapped into one. And since then, they had been through so much together- tragedy, loss, trauma, healing… The healing had been so recent, why didn’t Alcher get her chance to enjoy it for longer than a week? The second Leah climbed out of Nicole’s truck, she flocked over to her, grabbing her hand without a second thought as they walked over to the tiny crowd that was gathering. Alcher’s pack, she had assumed, and in a way they felt like a strange, extended family, even if they had no idea who she was. “I’m sorry these are the circumstances we’re meeting under”, she said quietly. Her face felt swollen and wet. “I’m Leah… Alcher and I were good friends. And, uh… this is Nicole”, she gestured toward Nicole, her hand still tight around the other woman’s. “Alcher was very close to her, too.”
It wasn’t long ago that Nicole visited Alcher’s farm, but it felt like a lifetime had passed. In some cliche way, it kind of did. Too much had happened in the past days for any of them to stay the same. She looked around the place, almost unaltered from the day they embarked on that spiritual test. Except for the humble memorial set up to remember Alcher. It fit, Nicole thought. It wasn’t about big flashy displays, but about those whose lives had been changed by the old werewolf. People that Nicole had never met, but were all unfairly bound by the tragedy now. Leah’s hand in hers offered a semblance of comfort, and she knew the other woman needed it just as much as she did. She squeezed in support as they reached the rest of the group gathered for the occasion. Relieved that Leah had taken the initiative, she nodded in acknowledgement as she was introduced to the younger girls. She couldn’t help but notice how strong the scent of wet dog was around her. “Are we all here?”
It didn’t feel right to be the one gathering them here, but she was the one who saw it. The only one who knew what happened. Ariana owed it to those Alcher cared about to let them know what happened, at least the bare bones. She owed it to Alcher. She’d traveled far and wide to help wolves all over the world. She’d touched so many lives, it wouldn’t be right to forget that. With a solemn nod, she told them, “Thank you for coming. It’s– well, everything aside I am glad to meet you.” She absentmindedly rubbed her own arm and felt entirely awkward in this setting. She’d put this together, she should be leading, but it was hard to separate guilt and duty. She let out a breath and gestured toward the table. “There’s some snacks and drinks,” she started, “I can do a bulk of the digging to plant the tree, but I thought it might be kind of symbolic if we all got to shovel some of the soil out. Maybe share stories?” She’d never done something like this before. Her previous losses hadn’t really allowed for it. “Sorry, I’ve never really– well, put on a memorial with like other people.”
It was noble that Ari wanted to take these things on by herself, but Kitty wasn’t one for nobility. She’d always thought it was rather foolhardy, watching folks try to do things on her own. She’d always had a helping hand around; that was what families did. Until she’d set out on her own, of course. But that was different. She nodded at Nicole and Leah in greeting. Under other circumstances, yeah, it’d be real nice to meet them. As it was, this was bittersweet. As it was, Kitty wondered if this was how they all ended; hunted down like animals leaving behind a trail of folks to mourn them. She didn’t want to think about that. “You’re not diggin’ to plant the tree by yourself, though I’m sure you wanna show off how big and strong you are,” she told Ari. “We’ll… We can do what feels right.” She thought Alcher would want that. She thought that might be a good way to honor her memory.
Truth be told, Leah hadn’t known what to expect when she came here today. There were so many different customs and traditions in White Crest, even among like-supernatural groups. And the supernatural tended to have their own traditions as well. But sharing and hearing stories from Alcher’s loved ones sounded like an amazing way to memorialize her. “I’d really love that”, she said, nodding along at the sentiment that they’d all help with the work of digging. “Having something grow in her memory feels… it’s going to be a really nice excuse to come back here and visit her”, she said, biting her lower lip. “Did you, uh… is there a spot picked out for it?”
Nicole was comfortable staying back, letting the other three takeover discussions. After all, they seemed to have a better understanding of Alcher than she did. Truth was, as entwined as their stories had become, she didn’t know what Alcher would have wanted. She never got the chance to learn the small details. She chose to resent the woman for something she didn’t have control over. And when she was finally ready to move past it, the universe decided to pull the rug from underneath her. Her heart sank with regret. She observed the younger girl, sympathy growing as she explained how out of her depth she was. They wouldn’t let her do it alone, she nodded quietly as they all agreed to help. She did know Alcher wouldn’t want that, at least. Not with her pack mentality. She stepped aside, allowing the shorter girl the space to guide them towards the spot.
Ariana sported a weak smile in Kitty’s direction. She knew Alcher would be happy to see them working together like this. Through the days that followed Alcher’s death, Kitty had been nothing short of supportive. It was the werewolf family Alcher had been so happy to finally find and she hardly got to enjoy it. That didn’t quite sit right with her, but it was one of the few ways she knew she could honor the older wolf’s memory. “Yeah, what feels right,” she agreed. She took charge of the direction they were going with planting material in tow. There was one spot on the land that Stark always gravitated to. She was inclined to trust the canine’s instinct and hoped he would continue to hang out there, visit Alcher so to speak. “That’s what I was thinking. There’s a spot over near where we’re building the barn that Stark likes a lot,” she gestured towards it, “They really did have such a good connection. Don’t know if it’s a wolf thing, but Stark always seemed so in tune with Alcher.” It was in sort of an innate way. She could tell the dog was still down and his energy matched her own these days, but Luna seemed to pick his mood up. She stopped near the spot and stuck her shovel in the ground there. “How’d you meet Alcher,” she asked, looking toward Leah and Nicole.
Following after Ari, Kitty slung a shovel over her shoulder. Ari knew Alcher far better than Kitty did. Hell, Ari knew about being a wolf far better than Kitty did. All she knew were her family’s services, the way they gave their bodies back to the earth and celebrated afterwards. Her mamaw had been returned to the bayou, letting the swamp take her back home. It was from the earth that they came, and it was back to the earth that they would return. She imagined everyone just wanted to go back home when they died. Kitty wanted to make sure, at least, that they could honor this place, Alcher’s final home. Following after Ari, Kitty dropped her shovel and looked at the other two women, curious.
Leah followed after Ariana to the spot she had picked out, agreeing it was as good of a spot as any if Stark had picked it out. Animals had an innate sense about these sort of things, especially ones that had been so bonded with their companions as Stark had been with Alcher. She pressed her lips together at the question, glancing over to Nicole for support before she piped out an answer. Leah, under most circumstances, wouldn’t reveal her status as a supernatural to anyone she didn’t trust, but this was Alcher’s pack- her family. She trusted them, and so Leah knew without a doubt how trustworthy they were. Besides, it was likely that what had clued Alcher in that she wasn’t human was already swirling questions in Ari and Kitty’s minds.
“We were both at Luigi’s and decided to snag a deal together for a 2 for 1 pizza. Can’t beat a bargain, right?”, she chuckled, remembering how horrified she’d been at first. “But she could… smell me. Smell my fire. And where normally not being human is something I’d hide away, Alcher encouraged me to let it shine through, that there was nothing to hide about.” She looked at Nicole again, and then between the other two women. “Maybe not the most sound advice in White Crest”, she said with another chuckle, “but it was definitely a welcome dose of self-love I hadn’t even known I needed. We… there were some hard times for us after that, involving her wolf when the dreams were going haywire. But there was never a time that Alcher’s presence didn’t make me feel warm and protected. Not ever.” She wiped the few tears that had fallen down her cheek, letting out a slow breath. This wasn’t fair. She wished they didn’t have to be here.
Comforting speeches may not be in her wheelhouse, but physical activity sure was. Nicole grew up shoveling, that much she could do. So she followed along, ready to get back into action. She remembered Leah mentioning how the two met before, but was curious for the extra. And she was surprised, in a pleasant way for once, by how mundane it was. It gave her hope, albeit barely, that not everyone was in town was doomed to meet under horrible circumstances. There was a sad smile on her face, watching the woman speak of her memories. She clenched her jaw, resisting the need to cry.
Pushing the shovel into the spot, she helped herself with her boot to sink it deeper. “Uh,” Nicole sucked in her bottom lip, trying to find a way to make her first, second and third encounter with Alcher less terrifying than they truly were. Not once they met under good circumstances. Most times they were both in incredible pain. But things were supposed to get better. After beating the watch’s curse. So much for that. “We met at the beach. Cave of voices, you know the one that’s—” Nicole trailed off, they probably knew. Instead of focusing on how, she recalled what it felt like every time they met. “She always… uh, had this—” she was scary, really. But not in a bad way, “she was intimidating, like she knew… she knew so much. She acted like a leader” not for nothing, Nicole followed her three times into the unknown. If she didn’t have Alcher, she wasn’t so sure she would’ve made it out of the dreamscape a year ago. “She… might be the reason why— I’m still around” unable to look into anyone’s eyes, she fixed on the ground instead, and began digging. “What uh, what about you two?”
It was bittersweet to hear how Alcher met her other friends. Ariana had always seen the older wolf in a more serious and motherly light. Meeting someone over pizza felt light and breezy, but it wasn’t surprising that Alcher had been straight to the point that Leah smelled like fire. She’d never been one to beat around the bush. Not that Ariana was particularly good at subtly, but she tried. “That sounds like her,” she said with a ghost of a smile, “She was all about accepting and taking pride in your nature.” She scooped a few more bits of dirt out of the ground. The motion itself was comforting in its own way. Movement always helped her feel more at ease. “I remember the crazy dreams. She mentioned having a hard time. I’m glad she still had a comforting presence. I think it’s the way she carries herself. It’s hard not to feel safe knowing she’s on your side.”
When her palms started to feel sweaty, she held out the shovel for someone else to grab. Listening to memories of Alcher made it harder to breathe. The lump in her throat was hard to swallow down though she was sure her glassy eyes gave her away. Ariana supposed it was normal for people to cry at funerals, but it didn’t feel earned. Not anymore. She let out a breath to steady herself before looking at Nicole. “I get that, she had a commanding presence,” she agreed, “She’s the reason I’m still around, too. She was a protector. A fierce one.”
Her own first meeting with Alcher was easy like Leah’s. While their meeting had been planned, she had no idea that Alcher was a wolf until she met her. The sense of ease Ariana felt with Alcher had been immediate. The woman seemed unbreakable in the way she carried herself. It always felt like there was nothing she couldn’t overcome. How wrong she had been made her tempted to wrap her arms around herself, instead she stood closer to Kitty. “When Alcher first moved to town, I had offered to show her some of my favorite hiking spots. Once we met up, we were able to sniff each other out. It was very Spider Man meme.” She fidgeted with her hands and watched the hole grow bigger as they all took turns digging. “From there, she always looked out for me. Even when she didn’t agree with me.”
There was so much that the other three had experienced with Alcher that Kitty didn’t really know, couldn’t really know, but she wanted to try. The reliving of memories with a loved one was just as good of a way to get to know the dead as meeting a ghost was, her mama liked to say. Not everybody could talk to ghosts, but everybody could share memories. Kitty took the shovel from Ari with a small smile; she’d help however she could, and this was the biggest way that she knew how. She dug deep, trying to take too much of the stress off of everyone else while they reminisced. Chuckling, Kitty said, “She was intimidatin’ for sure.” And then she handed the shovel off.
Shrugging gently, Kitty was quiet as she said, “I didn’t really know Alcher all that long. She introduced herself as Ada before we got to know each other.” She hunched over, feeling smaller than she was. Alcher had been kind, and she’d wanted Kitty to accept the part of herself that she just… couldn’t, not really, not even on a good day. She was trying, and she’d never let Ari know, but she still just didn’t really feel like a wolf most days. It was like when she’d been with her family, all spellcasters with just her being odd one out. She could fake being fine with being a werewolf just fine, though. She’d fake it til she made it. That was what she always did. Kitty gave the group a lopsided smile and said, “I helped her around the place. Grew up in a place not too different. Alcher was kind. She refused to call me Kitty, though.”
Memories poured out of all of them, and with the memories, the hole they dug out for Alcher’s tree grew deeper and deeper. It was poetic, in a way, and so similar to the emptiness Alcher left them all behind with. Leah pressed the shovel in for another go, always careful not to put too much exertion on her arms. “I knew her as Ada first too”, she noted, passing the shovel along again. She loved listening to everyone’s stories. They were all so different, but also so intensely Alcher. A protector, a leader, and most importantly, a friend. Her early death was so incredibly unfair. “She always spoke so fondly of her pack”, she said, looking between Ari and Kitty. “She had such an admirable duty to family, didn’t she?”
Nicole’s eyes narrowed, trying to decipher what meme Ariana was referring to. She offered a smile all the same. There were differences in each story, but one thing stayed consistent: The respect Alcher had earn from each of them. No matter who spoke, it seemed the woman had a lasting impression. The shovel was passed and with her hands empty, her anxiety crept in again. She kept a watchful eye on Leah as she took her turn shoveling. It wasn’t too taxing, but she always worried for her glass bones. And a broken wrist wouldn’t be too helpful in these circumstances. “She really cared about you two”. Eventually the shovel made its way back to her, and she took care of finishing up.
Hands on her hips, Nicole examined their work for a moment. “Uh… looks good” She would’ve liked to keep shoveling. Dig as deep as their stamina allowed, and distract herself from the awful reasons behind their meeting. But the hole was more than ideal for an oak tree. Her gaze met Ariana’s and she offered a curt but encouraging nod before looking over to the small tree. It would not get better after this, planting and spreading Alcher’s ashes. But they could do it, together. She swallowed against the knot in her throat. “Need help with it?”
It was difficult to hear the others share their memories of Alcher. Ariana couldn’t help but feel like she failed them, too. If only she had something, anything, more. There was so much consistency to their memories though which seemed to prove Alcher was always just who she was with them. Her steadfast presence and loyalty was something that brought comfort to those who knew her. She watched as the soil continued to pile up outside the hole and nodded along as Leah spoke. “She did. She’d stop at nothing to protect the people she cared about.”
She laughed a bit at Kitty’s last memory with still teary eyes. “Oh yeah, she always called you Katherine. The first time she spoke to me about you, I had no idea who she was even talking about.” Using a full name was proper and just inherently Alcher. Ari would still never call Kitty by her full name, but it was an amusing memory.
The hole in the ground was ready as Nicole looked back her way. Her own gaze shifted to the small oak tree that still had so much more to grow. One day, it’d be big enough to give Stark a nice shady spot to rest as he watched all the other animals on the land. The thought made Ariana smile weakly. She couldn’t do right by Alcher, but she could do right by Stark. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Ari knelt down next to the tree and began to remove the plastic pot that held it and placed it in the ground. Returning the soil around it would be easier, but spreading the ashes would be much harder. Part of her like having them in a jar she kept next to her bed, but Alcher’s remains weren’t meant to spend the rest of time indoors. Like Alcher herself, they needed freedom to roam and explore. Eventually the wind would carry them around the farm and the forest that surrounded it. It was appropriate. She carefully placed the tree in the hole and inspected it with a careful eye. “Once we put the soil back in, it’ll be good. We get enough rain that it’ll grow well here.”
“Alcher loved this farm, it’s a good place for her ashes and memorial,” Ariana said quietly, “We’d do fires out here a lot and cook meat over the open flame while Stark ran around. She was with me through a lot and we had so many serious conversations, it was always just nice when we could relax and enjoy each other’s company without any of the worries.”
Easy, shortstack, Kitty wanted to say, wanting to reach out and comfort her smaller friend, but she knew that there were times that folks needed to feel their emotions on their own. Ari always knew that Kitty would be there for her if she needed someone to lean on. Kitty would just wait until she was needed, and she didn’t mind it one bit. She managed a smile of her own, lopsided and a little bittersweet. “I’d almost prefer Kate,” she said. She thought about Leah’s words. What was that saying? The strength of the wolf is the pack, and the strength of the pack is the wolf. It was hard for Kitty to wrap her head around, feeling something familial for people who weren’t family, when family was all that she’d known for so long. But she felt like Ari was family. In the brief time she’d known her, there was something about Alcher that felt like family. She didn’t know what to do about that. She didn’t mind it, though.
Kitty helped the others with the tree, getting it in place. She scrubbed her hands down her jeans as she listened to Ari’s soft, sad voice. Kitty looked at the tree, at the farm. “This is a good place. My mama likes to say that emotions can get stored in the earth, the soil, the roots. The better the memories, the better the growin’. There were good memories here, and Alcher was a part of that.” She looks at the tree. “It’ll grow. It’ll be just as strong as she was.” She’d help make sure of it as long as she was around. And she’d make sure Ari was okay, too. Ari was too small to have all that sadness weighing her down. Time was the ultimate healer, but she figured it could be assisted. Kitty didn’t have the magic to heal, not like her sister Natalie, but she could do it the nonmagical way. Maybe that could be enough.
It was hard to know the right thing to say at a time like this, when everything seemed so wrong. Tears filled Leah’s eyes at the silly anecdotes that the others shared, both from happiness that they had experienced them and sadness that none of them would ever get that chance again. Like Kitty, she put a hand around the stump Ari was about to put in the hole. It felt right that they all put it in together, and she was sure it was what Alcher would have wanted. “This will make it so she’ll always be here for those fires. When we’re all old and gray, and even after. Lifetimes from now, people will come to sit under this tree and be able to feel the monumental protection she placed over all of us.” In the scribary, she’d write down reminders to herself to visit often, to never allow the likes of a hunter wipe out Alcher’s memory. “We should make it a point, I think, if it’s okay with you all, to come back here this day every year to continue to honor her memory.”
Nicole watched Ariana and the girls lower the tree, but her mind kept replaying Kitty's words. Or rather, her mother’s words. Her throat closed, touched by the sentiment. Memories of her family filled her mind. She had never done anything similar to this memorial for them, always keeping her love locked inside. Safe, she used to think. Was that why it still felt like unfinished business?
As Ariana shared more casual stories, Nicole could only hope the soil soaked all the love they were pouring into it. If that was the case, the strongest tree would grow. It would remain long after most of them were gone. She nodded at Leah’s suggestion, glancing at the tree. A year from now, who knew where any of them would be. It felt incredibly vulnerable to admit it, but at least she had something to look forward to now. "I'd like that," she said. Picking up the shovel, she scooped a small amount of soil to cover the roots, before handing the tool back to Ariana. She hoped this year would be kinder to all of them. She’d like to see all of them look a lot better than they did in this moment. Maybe then, the next meeting would be filled with laughter instead of tears.
Nothing would ever feel like enough, but Ariana felt a bit better knowing Alcher was being honored properly. Maybe it was selfish and maybe she had failed someone she loved yet again, but she could play her part in keeping Alcher’s memory alive. And maybe that’s what she’d meant before. You will not lose me, kliener. The repetition of Alcher’s words didn’t ring in the same bitter feeling they had at first. I will always be here with you. Looking at the tear stained faces around her, for the first time since Alcher’s death, her words clicked into place. While Kitty was an inevitability in her life, Ari would love and protect her more fiercely. Then there was Leah and Nicole, two women she would have never known if it wasn’t for Alcher. She made a promise to herself to be sure Stark did get his play dates with Pax. And Leah’s suggestion to come back every year and continue to honor Alcher, it’d keep them all connected. She knew better than to think that it would make the hurt and guilt fade away. Nothing ever would, not completely, but this was something. Her eyes were still glassy as she looked at Leah with a weak smile, “That’s a great idea. I think Alcher would love that, too.”
She took the shovel Nicole passed her way with a nod and patted down the final bits of soil. Ari took a step back to look at the tree they all had a hand in planting. It seemed sturdy and strong though she knew it’d take some time to fully root itself in place. She set the shovel down and grabbed the makeshift urn that held Alcher’s ashes. She held it tightly against her chest for a moment before turning to the others. “If you’d like, we can all take a bit to place around the tree and have a final goodbye of sorts?”
The tree was in place, and Kitty couldn’t help but look down at it in contemplation. It would grow into a good tree, a tall one, one that would be able to stand on its own in a few years. But, for now, it required just a bit of tending to. A little effort, a little love. But that’d be easy. Moving on from what happened to Alcher would be hard. They’d manage, though. Kitty would make sure that Ari was alright, and, as long as the other two women wanted to stick around, she’d make sure they were alright, too. Maybe a pack didn’t have to just be wolves, though she couldn’t know. A family, a coven without any magic users, though she felt like they all had a little magic in them in some way.
Kitty patted Ari’s shoulder. “I think that’s a good idea.” She waited for the urn to open and took some ashes, sprinkling them around the tree. She bent down and dug her fingers into the soil. “For I am the soul of nature, who giveth life to the universe. From me, all things proceed, and unto me must all things return,” she whispered, eyes closed in reverence. Her was a belief of all beliefs, a conglomerate of things that blended together, but one thing that tied all things was nature. It was what tied them here, now, to this spot, returning one lost to the place from which they came. Even though Alcher would rest far from her homeland, the natural world would always accept her back with open arms. Kitty stood back up and took a deep breath. Slowly, she let it go.
Leah couldn’t help but think of loved ones in her life that had passed before Alcher did. None of those losses were easy, but with her phoenix born family members there was always a sense of comfort that they would meet again soon. When it was her turn, she stepped toward the urn, the ashes felt familiar in her hands. But these would not form life again in a few months. Instead of signaling the beginning of something, they verified the ultimate end. She bent down near the tree, the tears that filled up her eyes making it nearly impossible to see now. “See you soon”, she whispered as she spread out the ashes, watching as the wind already took some away. Afterward, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a ring she had found for just this occasion. She wasn’t sure if it was the case with all phoenixes, but with her family, it was typical to leave a ring at the grave site of a loved one. It was a symbol of hope that, phoenix or not, life was cyclical. They would meet again, somehow. She pressed it to her lips, her eyes closed in thought, before placing it gently at the base of the tree. She stood up, walking back over to Nicole to lean against her, if only for a moment before it was her turn.
Nicole’s heart pounded in her throat, anger simmering inside her as she listened to the girls have their final moments with Alcher. She found it difficult to comprehend that the urn contained all that was left of Alcher. If she could’ve removed herself from the situation, if rational thinking could’ve been possible, then maybe she wouldn’t be so disturbed seeing her imposing figure reduced to that.
She barely felt Leah by her side before she realized it was her turn. Grabbing a handful of the ashes, Nicole kept her gaze down and waited. Waited for her mouth to cooperate. Waited for the goodbye to leave her lips. She had tried to keep a mature outlook to all of this, detach as much as she could, but holding the ashes twisted something within her. She didn’t have the strength to chase away the dark clouds in her mind anymore. What could she even say? She didn’t have wishes of a peaceful rest. Fuck that. Alcher shouldn’t have been resting. She should’ve had more time. Should’ve been with them, leading this unconventional pack she created. When her chest ached and her throat cried out for release, how was she supposed to have any beautiful sentiments? She waited for mouth to cooperate, but not even her heart wanted to.
Chewing on the inside of her cheek, Nicole endured the wave of anger. And slowly, she let some ashes slip through her fingers. She wondered if Alcher was reunited with her family. The one she gave up her love for. Maybe that was the greatest consolation. Maybe Alcher really was in a better place. Still, logic didn’t serve her heart. She swallowed against the painful knot in her throat, spreading the ashes in silence. Maybe another time she'd be able to come back and say goodbye, but she couldn't right now. She didn’t have the words. She never learned, did she? She had a plea instead, it crossed her mind as she watched part of the ashes mix with the soil while the rest were wept by the wind. I’ll look for you. Please be there. Don’t leave us alone.
The moment felt so final. Even if the nightmare played over and over in her dreams every night, it was hard to accept as real. This final send off had given Ariana some small bit of purpose to hold on to, some small piece of Alcher to share with those who loved her most. The connections made today would help keep Alcher’s memory alive, but it was hard to reconcile that she was gone in the first place, that she had been frozen in place watching. Her heart thudded in her chest during these final moments where the urn was passed back to her. A fresh wave of tears pricked at the corner of her eyes as she grabbed a handful of ash to lay around the tree.
She knelt down in front of the tree and stared at it for a few moments. Ariana carefully patted down the ash in the soil around the tree. It was the end of one cycle, but the beginning of a new one. This tree would grow strong just as the bonds made today would. They had to. She whispered as her hands left the soil and ash, “I’m sorry.” She wanted to believe Alcher could hear her. That she could forgive her and knowing the older wolf, she probably would. Her support had always been unyielding, even when they disagreed. All she could do now was protect the people here, to never let herself sit idly by in a dangerous situation like that again. Her voice was soft enough that it was likely only Kitty could hear, but she made a promise. “I promise I’ll keep them safe. I’ll fight for them and I’ll love them.”
It was all Ariana could offer and it would never feel like enough. It would never bring the woman they all missed back and nothing could take her place, but she would protect the people Alcher loved just as fiercely as she had. And it would have to be enough.
