5k about Alcie getting married. Hope you’ll feel better with that Cass <3 (and now the next gen fics smh)
POV Alan
The last time Tracie and I talked about marriage, the twins weren’t even born. None of us keeps a great memory of married life, with my father who left and her parents who divorced… We both thought we were good not married. It isn’t because we don’t wear rings that we won't love each other until death. Having children didn’t really change that way of thinking… Until the children themselves decided to meddle up.
I am watching a cartoon with Alexis. She is not even five years old, but she seems to find it as stupid as I do. She suddenly jumps on my lap, grabs the remote and turns the TV off. I sigh. What does she want this time?
“Daaaaaaad?”
“What, sweetie?” If she talks about the microscope she wants for her birthday again, I won’t be able to contain myself and scream. What type of child asks microscopes? Ah, true. Geniuses.
“Why don’t you have a ring?”
Okay, I didn’t expect this. “What do you mean, sweetie?”
“Aunt Ali has a ring. Uncle Ray has a ring. Aunt Mila has a ring. Uncle Haiden has a ring. Aunt Clem has a ring. Uncle Raphael has ring. Aunt Aileen has a ring. Uncle Cole has a ring.” She looks proud of her list.
“What’s your point?”
“You and Mom don’t have a ring.”
When the twins were born, I made a list of the awkward questions they would ask me one day. I forgot this one.
“Because mom and I are not married, sweetie.”
Alexis frowns. “But you love Mom huh ?”
“Uhm… yes, of course I love Mom.” Sometimes it’s hard to deal with their straightforwardness. I’m used to Tracie but when it comes from children, it feels different.
“Dads who love moms are married. That’s what Mrs Lence telled us.” So if I am in this awkward situation, it is because of her teacher. Fine. I’ll make the twins go to a new school.
“Told sweetie, not telled.” I only answer.
She ignores me. “Why don’t you marry Mom, Dad?”
At this exact moment Maxime arrives in the living-room, running and her long hair still wet after her swimming lesson. I am pretty sure they planned everything.
“You asked, Lex?”
Alexis gets off my lap and stands next to her sister. “Yep.”
Maxime starts jumping. “Pleaaaaaaase say yes Dad! Please! Please! Please!”
Tracie enters, Maxime’s swimming bag in her hands. She kisses me quickly and stares at our daughters. “You, you’re preparing something.”
“Nooooo!” They say at the same time. Tracie doesn’t believe them, but leaves the room, saying she has to make the dinner. Alexis immediately whispers. “Please Dad!” Her sister repeats and I just know. They won’t give up until I crack. Some days, I really regret that they look so much like their mother.
I knew they would convince me easily. They’re very good at it, like their mother. But maybe if I let them drag me to the jeweler’s, it’s because I really want to marry her. Maybe I want to see her in a white dress. Maybe I want to make vows I will never break. Maybe I want to be able to tell everyone that this crazy woman who stole my heart years ago is my wife. And maybe I was more thinking about it than I am ready to admit it. But Maxime and Alexis are so proud of their victory that I let them think they are entirely responsible. The three of us agree on a simple white gold ring encrusted of small diamonds around a bigger stone.
When we’re back home, we discover that Tracie is waiting for us in the corridor. She glances at us and squints. “I thought the girls were preparing something… But you’re with them, too.” I know she wants to know what we’re keeping from her. She always wants to know, it drives her crazy when she’s left in the dark.
“DAD’S GONNA…” I put my hand on Maxime’s mouth before she has time to say “ask you to marry him”. I know she’s very excited, but she almost made fail all the plan.
“Make them take their bath.” I finish, but I feel like I’m blushing like a fifteen-year-old teenager.
Tracie squints her eyes even more. “You’re preparing something. The three of you.” She repeats.
Alexis can’t help a grin. I think we can’t give Tracie a clearer answer.
Tracie crosses her arms, seeing we won’t say anything -I keep my hand on Maxime’s mouth as a precaution.
“Humph!” She only says, and goes to our bedroom.
Hide her what I plan to do will be very hard.
I ask Ray for help. I need someone to keep my daughters away while I make the proposal. They’re already too excited.
I told Tracie I took her to the cinema tonight. It’s a simple date, which means she won’t dress specially for that. I like she does efforts -I’m still a man-, but she’s so much more beautiful naturally.
The girls are impossible and it doesn’t really help me to destress.
“Daaaaaaad!”
Alexis wraps her small arms around my leg and makes a big smile. “Can I see it again?”
My eyes widen. Tracie is just few meters away, trying to brush Maxime’s hair. I can’t help but check that the little box is still in the pocket of my jeans.
“No.” Lower: “Later.”
“When you…”
I lift her and throws her on my shoulder. Tracie only shakes her head with a smile, while Alexis bursts out laughing. I bring her to the kitchen and put her on the floor. “What did I tell you?”
She raises her hazel eyes and makes her puppy look. The same as Tracie, and sometimes I think the twins guessed it is my weak point, because it is always Alexis who comes to ask me something. “But it’s too hard, Dad!”
I kneel down to be at her level. “Tomorrow you’ll be able to see it as much as you want.”
If Tracie says yes. And here it is. The stress is back. I don’t even fucking know what I am going to tell her. I tried to make a decent proposal, but the inspiration never came. I guess I’m not particularly romantic. I just hope I’ll get the inspiration on the moment… It will be awkward if I don’t. I shake my head. What I wouldn’t do because I love her.
Tracie starts to guess there is something strange when we go to Ray’s and Aliya’s apartment. The girls are still excited -of course they are-, but they decide to get onto the car too easily, especially Alexis. She hates to go there because of Brandon. And she keeps smiling, even when she sees Brandon who grimaces. I notice that Tracie frowns at that moment. Okay let's leave before she asks too many questions.
Once we're alone, the stress gets more awful. It's going to happen for real. I'm really going to do something I thought I would never have to do. I start regretting I listened to my daughters. They're four, how can they know anything about it?
Tracie talks during all the road. I don't really listen to her, literally too afraid to stay focused on her speech. She realizes I took her to the beach only once I stop the car.
"The beach? I thought we were going to the cinema?" I never told her, but I love when she's surprised by something. She's always trying to guess, surprising her is not something easy. She turns her head in my direction and smirks. I already know what she's going to say. "A midnight swim, that's it?"
I hesitate between a facepalm and saying to her yes. Okay Alan don't be a wimp. And there can be a midnight swim later anyway...
"Uhm... maybe."
She raises an eyebrow. "Maybe? Why maybe?"
I open the door and get out of the car. She does the same and mumbles. "Some days, you're really weird."
I don't even react and take her hand. She smiles and makes a little jump. "So what are you planning?"
I don't know how she can't see I'm stressed, even panicked. What if she is disappointed? What if she laughs and asks if it is a joke? What if I look ridiculous? Ray never told me it could be so awkward. I take a deep breath while she turns her head somewhere else.
C'mon Alan, you survive everyday with your troublemakers/daughters. A proposal is nothing. It's just a question. I ask her questions everyday, it's not so different... huh?
I don't know how I finally find the courage to drag her to the beach. Tracie smiles when she sees there's nobody, not even few teenagers making a bonfire. We walk few minutes, hand in hand, until we reach a place particular for both of us. She blinks few seconds when she recognises it. "Why...?"
Okay, this is the moment Alan.... Fuck. I still don't know what to say!
"It's where I fell in love with you." I answer quickly. "When... when you showed me the person behind the crazy girl. I... I already liked the first one, but that girl... she made me feel things I had never felt before. Things I still feel after all this time."
I look at her, she doesn't seem able to say anything. I take advantage of it to kneel down. Tracie’s eyes widen, she starts to understand.
“Tell me you’re lacing your shoes.” She says, and I can’t tell if she tries to joke or if she is nervous. I take the little box from my pocket and open it. “Nah, sorry.”
“Crap, you’re really going to ask me that question?”
If she lets me talk.
“Tracie…”
“Okay!” She says, excited.
I didn’t say anything! I felt the inspiration coming! Now it’s all gone!
“Tracie! Let me ask properly at least!” She shrugs but she looks too impatient. “Tracie,” I start again. “will you…”
“Yes!” She realizes she says it too early again and mumbles a sorry.
“Tracie, will you marry…”
“I will!”
Good thing I didn’t make a speech finally, she doesn’t even let me ask the question entirely !
“TRACIE BEAUCHAMP WILL YOU MARRY ME?” I finally shout. It is the only way to be heard it seems.
She makes the most beautiful grin I’ve ever seen on her face. “Can I answer now?”
I shake my head, but smile anyway. “Go ahead, babe.”
Tracie clears her throat. Oh no, don’t tell me she will…
“OF COURSE I’LL MARRY YOU!”
...scream. I put the ring on her finger. She admires it few seconds and looks at me. “It’s not the moment you kiss me like in the movies?”
I get up laughing, and take her by the waist. She raises her eyebrows, defying me. “I can kiss you like in movies whenever you want, babe.” She still laughs when I lean to kiss her. She wraps her arms around my neck and suddenly pulls away to whisper in my ear. “You said ‘maybe’ for that midnight swim… you can say yes now?”
“Of course I say yes.”
POV Tracie
It’s always sunny in Angeles. Every fucking day, I see the same sun and the same blue sky, something I found quite depressing at the beginning. But 13 years later, I’m totally used to it. So when it rains, I hate it. And obviously, one of the only days of the year it rains, it must be the day of my wedding. And guess how I discover it? Not by looking through the window, it would be too nice. No, I figure it out when my two daughters wakes me up, covered of mud.
“Mom, it’s raining!” They scream. I groan and open my eyes to see them run out of my bedroom, letting muddy footsteps behind them.
“ALEXIS! MAXIME!”
Even on my wedding day, they have to drive me crazy. Wait… It’s my wedding day! Oh fuck. And it’s raining. And Alan is not there to calm the twins. I should have left the country with that stripteaser I met at my bachelorette party. Hum… no. Alan is lucky I find him so hot. And that I love him.
I go to the kitchen and see the twins running in the garden, all excited. I try to find out how they can put so much mud on their clothes when I hear someone open the door.
“OKAY DON’T PANIC TRACIE! I’M HERE TO SAVE YOUR DAY!”
My sister, Clem, enters the kitchen with her umbrella.
“I’m not panicking.”
“You’re not?”
“No.” Do I look like I panic, seriously?
“Oh. Fine. What are you doing then?”
I point her nieces outside. “Should I yell at them or not?”
“No.” She immediately answers. “Keep your voice for the wedding, you’ll have many people to thank.” I sigh. That was one of the numerous reasons why I didn’t want to get married. Why should people I barely know get a view of my privacy like that? They don’t need to know I’m happy. It’s my life, not theirs. At least, the ones I love the most will be there.
“Anyway, we have many things to do before 3 o’clock, or should I say, the hour you’ll finally become Mrs Holland!”
“Mrs Beauchamp-Holland.” I correct.
Clem rolls her eyes. “You’ve always liked ruining all the fun I have…”
“Little sister job.”
“Talking about sisters...” She gestures towards the window. The girls run back to the house… they look like two heaps of mud. Clem sighs. “I knew adding more time because of them was a good idea…”
Mila let me her maids. I would have asked the ones I had during the Selection, but they stopped working at the palace when Haiden abolished the castes.
They’re all there. Aliya, -pregnant- Mila, Sophia and Aileen. We’re getting ready together and, strangely, they are more stressed as I am. We prepared everything, and I know Alan won’t run away, neither will I. We’re just going to make official something I already feel. I’ve never needed to wear a ring to consider myself as his wife. Today is just kind of the accomplishment of what we did together these last 13 years.
Dana puts her hand on my shoulder, telling me to stop moving if I want her to make my bun.
“But I don’t want a bun!” I scream.
She pouts, but finally accepts to let it free. I observe my daughters through the mirror. It took an hour to get them rid of the mud. Their hair is still wet and they let water droplets everywhere they go. After the rain, their new obsession is Mila’s baby bump. They love putting their heads on her stomach to feel a kick from the baby. They let out little screams every time it happens, looking fascinated. I’m pretty sure they’ll ask a little sister in few hours. But I have enough to do with them to desire another child. I notice Alexis coughs often. Great, she got sick because of the rain.
Dana finishes my makeup quickly and Clem is all happy because we’re even in advance on her schedule. Aliya, as always, finds a way to make a pun. I put my wedding dress on and almost laugh when I hear all the “awww”. And then I see what I look like in the mirror… and finally the panic arrives. I am a bride. I am a fucking bride. Hello, it’s me. Tracie Beauchamp. 30. Will get married in few hours. AND ACTUALLY ABSOLUTELY NOT PREPARED TO DO IT. WHY DID I SAY YES? WANTING TO MARRY DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE READY TO DO IT!
Alexis still coughs, which distracts me from my panic and starts worrying me. I kneel down and touch her forehead. No fever, but her breathing is wheezing and fast. I frown. “Are you okay, Lex?”
Of course she nods, but when she tries to answer she chokes and coughs again. I saw the same symptoms on my brother too many times not to recognize it is the beginning of an asthma attack.
“Go get ready.” I tell the girls. “I’ll be right back.” I lift Alexis. “Take care of Max!”
They blink, not understanding the situation. I explain quickly to Ali. I know she’ll get how serious it can be. She kisses Alexis on the forehead and tells me she takes care of everything with the girls. I sigh. Keep your calm, Trace.
Crap, I don’t know how to keep my calm.
Alexis is probaby asthmetic according to the doctor. I waited two hours at the hospital to learn something I was already suspecting. Now we’re in the church, Alexis half soaked because she again ran under the rain. She seems okay now, as if her asthma attack never happened.
The ceremony should have started two hours ago. All the guests are there and waiting for the bride, which means me.
The music suddenly starts playing. I breath deeply to stay calm. It's time. I still can't believe I'm getting married for real. Younger, I didn't even think I would share my life with someone. And now look at me : military engineer with two (mad) children, one of the best friends of the queen of Illéa... Without the Selection, all of that would have never happened. But I'll never thank Haiden or my sister for that, rather die.
I suddenly realise that no one around me has moved yet. I quickly find the reason.
The flowers girls decided to sit on a bench and to empty their basket full of petals of peonies (I hate roses) on the carpet of the church.
"You're supposed to do that in the alley." I tell them.
Maxime raises her head. "We know."
"So what are you not doing it right now ?"
"We're doing a stroke." Alexis says. Her hair is already a mess and the crown flower leans on the left. I assume she means 'strike', but am still surprised she knows the word.
"And why are you doing a strike ?" I stay incredibly patient, especially knowing how they drove me nuts today. Fuck, I had to ask Alan to delay the ceremony because of them ! But they're the only ones I can stay so calm with, I guess it is some mother power... even if they always find a way to break it.
"Because Brandon is carrying the rings." Alexis starts.
"It must be us." Maxime adds.
The bouquet in my hands is the only reason why I don't facepalm. They literally begged me to be flower girls. Alexis even threw the rings in Brandon's face during the repetitions.
"You both agreed for Brandon to carry the rings."
Alexis crosses her arms, as stubborn as I am. From all my traits, she got the worst ones. "We changed our mind."
I hear my mother's voice behind me, asking if everything's fine. Aliya just says "the twins", as if it explains everything. Well, it does explain everything.
"Brandon is very happy to carry the rings. It's selfish to take that from him."
It's insane how the kids all wanted to do something in the wedding organization, even Dante!
Maxime bites her bottom lip. She's the easiest to convince, and my only chance to reach Alexis.
"If you stop your strike right now, you'll have the first slices of my wedding cake."
Alexis raises her eyebrows at the mention of the cake, but keeps her arms crossed. Maxime turns her head towards her. They look each other in the eye few seconds, using their weird twin communication powers.
"We want the biggest slices and all the candies we want." Maxime says.
God, they won't sleep until tomorrow with all that sugar. I'll leave for my honeymoon anyway, it's Aliya who will have to deal with the monsters.
"Fine." I accept. At that point, I just want to get married. Alexis immediately jumps from the bench with her basket, running towards the alley with a grin. Maxime follows her, laughing. They're both pretty proud of them. I shake my head. They're even worse than me.
My father clears his throat beside me. “Can we go now?” I grab his arm, smiling. I shouldn’t hope everything will be okay from now on. But there’s Alan waiting for me at the other side of that damn alley, and it makes me quite optimistic about the future. My bridesmaids leave with a last smile and I stare at my father, who is… sweating? "Damn, my little girl is getting married." He groans. I roll my eyes. "Your little girl is thirty and has two little girls herself."
Dad laughs but I can see he's nervous. "Dad, nothing will change."
"So why do you marry him?"
"Because I love him and want to spend all my life with him? It's not enough?"
He sighs. "I guess." I groan and pull him by the arm to force him to walk. Finally we're in the alley. Dad holds my arm tightly, probably guessing I just want to run to him. Alan. He's just there, few meters in front of me, making an incredible grin. I smile back and force Dad to walk faster, even if we don't follow the music. He groans but lets me do and I almost jump on Alan once we arrive. He grabs me by the waist to be sure I don't fall and laughs. "Do you realize it's a ceremony, love?"
I shrug, which makes him laugh louder. Dad shakes his head and kisses my forehead. "I guess I did my job." I smile at him. "You did." It seems to release him. He takes his seat next to mom who doesn't look angry with him for once. The pastor clears his throat. "May I start?"
"Would be nice, thanks." I answer, which makes laugh everyone. Alan holds my hands while the pastor talks... and I admit I am more focused on my future husband than on what the guy says. I look at his big hands, still callous, even after all these years spent in journalism. I stare at his face, his blue eyes shining, his smile with dimples, each of his freckles I always want to kiss for no reason. He stares at me in the same way, until we both suddenly turn our heads towards the pastor to say at the same time. "Could you go a bit faster, please?" We make our guests laugh again, while the pastor widen his eyes. "W-what do you mean "go a bit faster"?"
"Like jump to the question." I answer. "The kids are falling asleep." I point them with my bouquet. Maxime has put her head on Dante's shoulder and fights to keep her eyes open. As for Alexis, she seems more focused on the rings Brandon holds on a little pillow than the ceremony itself. Only Collin, Galice and Adara follow what is going on.
"And we've been supposed to be married for one hour at least." Alan adds. We both nod. The pastor blinks stupidly but finally accepts with a sigh, probably fed up with us.
“Patricia Genevieve Beauchamp, will you have this man to be your husband...
"I will!”
The pastor frowns and Alan laughs. "My proposal part 2." He mumbles. I nudge him, grinning. The pastors sighs again and directly turns towards Alan. “Alan Javier Holland, will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together with her in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful unto her as long as you both shall live?” Alan takes my hand and looks me in the eye, trying to say something he can’t with his mouth. “I will.”
The pastor asks Brandon to come. “I guess you want to jump the vows too?”
“No!” Alan screams.
The pastor clears his throat. “Fine. So repeat after me...”
“In the name of God, I, Alan Holland, take you, Patricia Beauchamp, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.”
To hide I’m going to cry, I raise my eyebrows and asks. “My turn now?” Alan nods, tears in his beautiful blue eyes.
“Okay so I love you so much… and I don’t know why we didn’t do this earlier, we’re just two stupid persons… Uhm did I say I loved you?” He bursts out laughing, while I go on. “I promise I’ll say it to you everyday… because I’ll feel it everyday.” I think we’re both going to cry now. “Even when we’ll fight, even when we won’t be together, even in the worst moments, I’ll always tell you I love you. Because I do. So much. And I know it can’t change. Never.” I know he wants to kiss me right now. He shakes his head and looks down at Brandon, who hands the rings. I show my left hand to Alan and he puts it to me. I do the same for him, and that stupid pastor hasn’t even the time to say we can kiss that we are already doing it.
"It's disgusting." I suddenly hear Brandon says.
"You are disgusting." Alexis answers automatically and I can't help but laugh in the kiss.
"Everyone is disgusting." I tell them upon Alan’s shoulder. They blink and look at each other, too young to understand. Alan kisses my temple. “You’re mad.”
“And now you’re stuck with me.”
“Damn, I should ask divorce.”
Maxime arrives at that moment, making a big smile and throwing her petals everywhere around her. “The cake! The cake! The cake! The cake!”
I raise an eyebrow at my husband. “She’s right. Cake!”
He rolls his eyes and takes me by the waist. “We’re going to eat our wedding cake in few minutes, okay?”
As answer, he gets an excited scream from Maxime and a kiss from me. And it won’t be the last time it happens tonight.
For the first time of my life, I enjoy dancing a slow dance. Maybe because for once I like the song. Or maybe because I am in my husband’s arms. Probably more this one. My husband. I didn’t think I would like to say that so much. My husband. I like how it sounds, even in my head.
“My husband.” I whisper to him.
Alan grins, making appear the dimples I love so much. “My wife.”
We smile stupidly at each other and the photographer chooses this moment to take a picture. I turn my head and squint at him. “You’re ruining my first dance with my husband.” I love saying this too much. Let’s say I’m just tipsy. I say to the photographer to go fuck himself. Alan shakes his head. “We’ll have awful pics of our wedding day because of you…”
“But you still love me, no?”
He kisses my nose. “Of course I love you. As much as you love me.”
I put my head on his chest, enjoying this moment together. I’m even more focussed on his heartbeats than on the music itself. Just saying, but someone should make a music based on this sound. I could listen to it all day long.
After that day, being there with Alan is all I need. I’m even ready to ask a second dance. But Brandon and Alexis don’t seem to think it is a good idea. I suddenly hear my daughter scream something about brownies. I turn my head to see her jump on Brandon and hit him. They both roll on the floor, screaming at each other. Brandon being taller, he takes easily the advantage. They scream at the same time, it’s impossible to understand what they say. I raise my dress and get closer, Aliya does the same and grabs her son by the collar of his shirt. I take Alexis by the arm to be sure she won’t jump on him again. We quickly learn that Brandon would have taken her plate of brownies. He keeps saying that he thought it was his plate. I roll my eyes. I’m not even surprised they fight for something so stupid.
“Oh you know what, Ali?” I finally say.
“What?” She asks, one eyebrow raised.
I let Alexis go. She squints a last time at Brandon and runs to Maxime, who eats her cake with Dante and Galice. By the way, I see her steal Dante’s slice while Galice is talking to him. I hide a laugh.
“I’ll let you deal with that.”
“W-what? Trace!”
I shrug and go back to the dancefloor. I tell her upon my shoulder, grinning. “If you need me, I’ll be with my husband.”
A/N: Last Alcie fic for the selection OC! I guess it takes place in the right timeline since I don’t even talk about Haila haha.
Warning: Tracie is more obsessed than ever
I am a fucking hypocrite. This is the thought crossing my mind when Alan starts kissing my neck. I do exactly what I spend my time warning the girls against. I should maybe feel a little guilty… Nah. Alan is a too good kisser to regret anything. I kick out the girls from my brain and dedicate myself to our great making-out session… until Alan decides it’s enough for today, which doesn’t get me in a good mood.
I squeeze his half unbuttoned shirt, trying to pulling him closer to me, but he’s too strong and resists easily. “Stop, Trace.”
“Whyyyyyy ?” I moan, even if I already know the answer. He wants us to take our time, ‘cause you know, I’m not like his exes blablabla. It’s romantic, okay… but a little cliché too. And… MY HORMONES ARE TOTALLY AGAINST THIS DECISION. I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND FUCK !
Alan grabs my hands. “You know why.” He kisses my forehead. “And I’ll be late for work.”
I groan and cross my arms, looking at the hour. The worst is that he’s right. He has to go to work. Letting go a sigh, he pulls away from me. While he gets ready, I try to find something to make him change his mind. Maybe I should invest in lingerie ? Or on the contrary, not wearing underwear at all ? Hum… What would be the most appealing ? I should ask my sister, she knows that stuff better than I do. But then I remember that nobody knows for Alan and me, it’s supposed to be a secret. That’s what he wanted first, because the media still stalk me, even if I’m not in the Selection anymore, and his sister’s safety is his priority. But I don’t mind it, I even love having him only for me without anyone disturbing our privacy. Also, it’s my first relationship ever. I don’t really know how it works and I prefer discovering it on my own than being advised by everybody. Yes, including Aliya. She’s gonna kill me when she learns.
Alan decides to put another shirt on, and the view of his naked and muscled back reminds me of my new goal. And what if I wait for him in his room, totally naked ? Uhm no, even I know it is not a good idea. But I am so desperate… and frustrated. I want more and it gets harder and harder to accept his stupid decision. He knows I’m not someone patient. Making me wait like this is a pure torture !
Alan suddenly turns back and shakes his head when he sees my face. “You’re unbelievable.”
“And you’re annoying.” I sulk. He simply raises his eyebrows. “And frustrating. And…” I am interrupted by his warm lips on mines, but he steps back before I have time to deepen the kiss. “I know, babe.”
“Moron.” I throw him a pillow and he laughs and then gets quiet. He grabs a lock of my hair and totally changes of subject. “Are you ready for tomorrow ?”
“Yep.” I can’t hide my excitement.
“Good.” He leans to kiss me again. “Now go away.” I pout. “Andrea is coming.” He adds. Fuck. I immediately get up and adjust my outfit. It is out of the question that I see his sister. Not because of the secret-thing, I don’t care if she knows or doesn’t… I just can’t bear her and her behavior towards Alan. He does his best to protect her and she does everything to hurt him more and more. At the beginning I thought it was only her adolescent crisis, but I start wondering if she doesn’t just really hate Alan. I saw the way she looked at him when she entered that car the other time… She didn’t seem guilty for a bit, but even happy to see Alan so devastated. So if I meet her again, I’m afraid it will be the war.
I kiss Alan quickly and leave his small house.
Fuck. It hurts more than what I thought. I close my eyes and try not to cry in front of Alan. I don’t want him to think I am a wimp. And I wanted that, I have to deal with it now. Fuuuuuuuuuck. When will it be over ?
“Babe, are you okay ?” Alan asks in my ear, his thumb stroking my hand.
I nod but can’t hide a grimace. I feel like a thousand of needles are pricking me. Wait… A thousand of needles are really pricking me.
“It won’t last.” He reassures me.
“Unless she doesn’t stop moving.” The tattooer says. “Control your girlfriend, Alan, or her tattoo will be a shit.”
“You heard the man, babe.”
“Fuck you.” I groan. “Fuck both of you.”
It won’t last, he said. I spend six fucking hours being tortured ! At a certain point, I don’t even feel my shoulder blade anymore. I didn’t think it would be that long, I can’t stay laid doing nothing during so much time. So I start singing, which annoys the tattooer because “I distract him and make him deaf with my awful voice”. Alan tries to make me forget the pain by telling anything. I focus on his deep voice and even get asleep.
“It’s over.” Alan whispers. I open my eyes and feel like my shoulder blade is burning. He helps me to get up and leads me to a mirror at the bottom of the tattoo salon. I almost break my neck to be able to see the beautiful fox I wanted. I love the geometrical form it takes at the end.
“Why a fox ?”
“Lexie was foxy.” I simply answer, smiling sadly.
He kisses my forehead. “I’m proud of you.” The tattooer then puts a bandage on my fox, and I notice Alan’s look on my breast. “Pervert.” I tell him.
“I plead guilty.” He smirks. Given his lustful look, I don’t need to invest in sexy lingerie. Simple bras seem to be enough. “Pff…” He’s such an idiot.
After the tattoo, I buy ice creams for both of us. I’m sooooo hungry, I could eat my own arm. We go back home laughing. I secretly hope we could continue what we were doing yesterday, but Alan is determined to follow the tattooer’s orders and to clean my tattoo. If he thinks I’m gonna give up, he is kidding himself.
I open the door of the house, ready to apply my plan, when Mila gets out of the living-room. Fuck. She wasn’t supposed to be out somewhere, like Aliya ? I drop Alan’s hand and pull away from him, hoping she didn’t notice anything.
“Trace ?” Mila asks, looking confused. She notices Alan and stutters. “Oh uh... hi.”
He waves quietly. “Hi.” I pretend to be happy to see her. Not that I’m not, but I would have preferred to see her in few hours. “Hum hey ! You… uh… are not outside ?”
She still looks surprised to see us. “Uh no.. I had another headache…” She suddenly change the subject. “But that's not the point. You two though..” She grins, and I have to admit it’s a little bit frightening. Alan runs away in the kitchen, while I scream. “HOW DID YOU LEARN FOR MY TATTOO ?”
Maybe I let sketches of the fox in the living-room ?
“Wait what ?” Mila answers. She looks as lost as I am. “Why are we running and screaming ?” She shakes her head. “Everyone knows right ?”
Alan comes back from the kitchen. “Uh... she isn't talking about the tattoo Trace.”
“What is she talking about then ?”
Mila finally realizes something and shouts. “WAIT YOU GOT A TATTOO!”
This conversation is a mess. We talk about two things at the same time.
“WHAT DOES EVERYONE KNOW ? AND YES I GOT A TATTOO!”
Mila decides to give up the story of the tattoo, which first releases me.
“YOU ARE ON THAT DAMN FRONT COVER”
“WHAT” Then Alan shows me the cover of the magazine he’s been holding for few minutes. It’s a picture of us, kissing in front of the college. It was the day I officially stopped uni. “WHAT” I repeat. Mila grabs the magazine out of Alan's hands. “LOOK.” She shakes the magazine. My eyes widen. “THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK.”
Alan rolls his eyes. Luckily, Mila can’t see him.
“Trace come on, there is no denying anymore. You are on that fricking front cover!”
“Babe they all know, why are you denying ?” Alan adds.
“Because you wanted it to be a secret !”
“Nothing can be secret with you, Tracie.” He sighs but doesn’t look particularly angry.
“You got a point.” Mila tells him.
“I know.” He answers proudly.
I prefer to ignore him. “Did Ali see this ?”
She did, as I learn it hours later, after Alan ran away because of Mila. I try to deny, to make as if I don't know what she talks about. Even I wonder why I do that, it's stupid, and it makes me look stupid. But I can’t help it. I use my tattoo as a distraction and it quite works. But Ali smiles all the time. She seems happy for me at least. They all seem happy for me. I guess they really are. But still, it’s so strange. Alan and I are an official couple. Fuck, I can’t even say if I like this word. Couple. It’s too normal for us and our insanity… I mean my insanity.
I realize I am in front of his door only once he opens it. Oh because I knocked too?
“I’m an idiot.”
“You’re an idiot.” I say at the same time as he talks. We laugh and I shake my head. “I should hit you for letting me with Mila on my own….”
Alan leans against the door, smirking. Arrogant idiot. “Why don’t you do it then?”
“Because I love you, idiot.”
I raise my eyebrows, curious to hear what he has to say now. But he looks just shocked, staring at me with a widened mouth. I didn’t think it would touch him so much. I mean… It isn’t obvious? He suddenly catches my lips with his and wraps his hands around my waist.
“There’s only you to say it so normally.” He rubs his nose against mine, grinning.
“It’s normal to love you, Alan Holland.”
He pulls me closer to him. “And honestly, it’s not at all to love you.” I wrinkle my nose, ready to insult him. “But I do.” He continues, “with all my heart. I fucking love you, Tracie Beauchamp.”
I smirk. “You fucking love me?”
“Yes.”
“Good. So now, let’s go to your room.” He shakes his head.
“Sofa. I don‘t trust you.”
I squint and give him the finger... some things will never change.
A/N : Hello dear people ! Finally Aliya getting shot from… Alan’s point of view lol. It was supposed to be really longer (it is only 3k words) but unfortunately Cassey deleted her account as you know so I lost our rp planned for this fic. And I wanted this fic to be over before leaving for Italy (and possibly before Bertha announces the winner). Anyway I did my best (but it is probably the worst fic I produced) and I think you could like the end. Enjoy !
“Andrea, get out of here !” I say, hammering on the door of the bathroom. What the hell has she been doing for two hours inside ?
“I’m getting ready !” She screams to be heard above the water. I’m pretty sure that there’s no hot water anymore… and that the bill will be steep. Thank you Andrea, we can see you’re not the one working all day to make us survive.
“Ready for what, Andrea ?”
She suddenly opens the door. “What the hell is that ?!” I yell. She wears a short and skin-tight red dress.
“I’m going to a party.” She shrugs.
She wants to go to the living room, but I block her. “And when did you think you would ask me the permission ?”
She bites her red lip. “Hum… never ? You’re not my father, Alan.” Then she takes advantage of her thin stature to pass and goes to the living room.
“But I’m your brother and your guardian.”
She grabs a small handbag, defying me.
“I forbid you to go there, Andrea.”
It’s already 9 pm, I know what kind of party she’s going to.
“And you know what ? I don’t care.” She replies.
And my exes always wondered why I didn’t want children. Andrea is only my sister but she enables me to see all the problems kids bring. I always feel guilty for this, but sometimes I think it will be great once she turns 18 and leaves the house. ‘Cause believe me, as soon as she is of age, she’ll leave and I’ll never see her again. Tracie doubts it will really happen, but I know Andrea. She is sure I am the source of her problems (what problems ? she’s only 15) and that I prevent her doing what she wants. Getting rid of me is her dream. But for the moment she has to live with the “jerk” I am, so she prefers driving me crazy.
I put my hand on the entering door to block Andrea. I certainly won’t let her go.
“Alan !”
“You’ll stay here, even if it means you’ll hate me until my death.”
“People are waiting for me !”
“No.”
“It’s not the first time I do that, Alan. I’ll be safe if that is why you’re worried.”
“What do you mean ?” I whisper, trying to control my anger. If she wanted to convince me with that, she totally failed.
“When you have to work late and you come back long after the curfew, where do you think I am ? At home, doing my homework or sleeping, like the nice little girl you want me to be ?” She answers aggressively.
It’s worse than what I thought. She’s worse than what I thought.
A knock on the door interrupts our fight. I look at Andrea, making her understand that it is not over. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. I breathe in and out, trying to stay calm and open the door.
“Tracie ?”
She raises her head, looking surprised to hear me calling her. She wears the sweater I left at her home the other night. I would find it cute if she didn’t have that look, the same as she had that day on the beach. I frown, Andrea almost forgotten.
“What’s wrong, babe ?”
She suddenly wraps her arms around my waist, buries her face in my t-shirt and cries. I hate that sound so much, it breaks me a little bit every time. I would like to let her come in, but I know it’s a bad idea, there’s Andrea trying to look upon my shoulder.
“You let them come here ?” Andrea mumbles. We both know who she refers to. All these girls I dated, I flirted with, only because I found it funny and wanted to pass time. I didn’t worth more than my father at that time. Luckily it’s over now.
Oh and fuck, I can’t let Tracie there. I make us enter. Andrea raises her eyebrows when she sees Tracie but then widens her eyes when she recognizes her.
“You date ex-Selected now ? Congrats.” She says, sarcastic.
“We’re not dating, Andrea.”
She looks at my hand stroking Tracie’s arm, skeptic.
“Go to your room, Andrea.”
Instead of that, she crosses the door and leaves.
“Wait two minutes, Tracie.”
She nods and dries her tears. I run after my sister, who walks quite quickly with her heels. She reaches a black car.
“Andrea !”
“Sorry Alan.” She says, getting into the car. I watch her draw away, wondering once again what I did to her.
“She’s a bitch.” Tracie says behind me. I turn around, surprised to hear her voice, especially to say that. “Don’t say that. She’s not.”
“She is and you know it. Look at how she treated you.”
I know how Tracie exaggerates with words all the time, so I don’t take it bad. And maybe I know she’s not totally wrong. I cross my arms, still looking at the place that car was few minutes ago. I wish I had stopped her.
“She would have run away through the window of her room.” Tracie says, in echo to my own thoughts. I often ask myself how we do to guess what the other is thinking about.
“Why did you come, Trace ?” I ask. She was crying two minutes ago and now she talks to me as if it never happened.
“Aliya got shot.”
I’m not sure to have heard clearly. “What ?”
“Aliya got shot.” She repeats and tears appear again in her eyes.
“How… ?”
“I just need you to drive me to the hospital. I feel… I feel I can’t do it on my own.”
She puts her hands in the pockets of my sweater.
“I’ll drive then.”
She makes a small smile. I can’t stay at home waiting for Andrea anyway, I will get totally crazy. I take Tracie’s hand and I wonder a short moment if being with her is not the thing that will make me really insane.
In the car, Tracie explains me that Aliya is actually a northern rebel. From the two friends, I expected Tracie to be the rebel one, honestly. But for having already been approached by rebels, I guess she’s probably too out of control for the job.
More she talks, more a kind of anger starts growing inside her, I hear it in her speech. She’s talking about that rebel guy, Ray, when we arrive at the hospital… And mad is not strong enough to describe how she feels about him. If she had a gun, Ray would be dead. When I cut off the contact, she gets out of the car before I can say anything. Will everyone run away from me tonight ? I call her twice but she doesn’t even turn her head, walking in a determined way.
She enters the hospital and I have to run after her, knowing she’s going to do something stupid. I find her easily, she yells at a guy I guess is Ray. I put my hand on her mouth just when she’s about to shout “rebel” in front of everyone. I convince her to go somewhere else to talk. I don’t know if I should have done that. She is very angry at Ray and doesn’t hide it. She even says he is responsible of what happened to her best friend. It’s obvious Ray is already not okay, worried about his girlfriend and she increases his guilt.
Until Ray punches the wall and gives in, silently sobbing. There’s a changement inside her, she sees something in Ray she probably never saw before. She sits next to him and reassures him… well the best she can reassure someone. I even think I assist to the beginning of their friendship, but none of them will admit it.
Tracie becomes the Tracie we all know again when Ray decides to clean his t-shirt. I’m pretty sure it’s because he wants to be alone but obviously Tracie doesn’t understand it like that. For her, it’s simply a t-shirt someone has to clean. She begs Ray to do it, saying she has to do something. I frown at that moment. She’s not as okay as she wants to show it. But Ray doesn’t notice anything in her attitude, he already thinks she’s weird, he doesn’t try to understand why she does what she does like I do. Too late. Before I have time to comment, Ray gives up and takes off his t-shirt. She asks me to stay with him. Girl I hardly know him, what am I supposed to do ? She leaves running, making a comment about Ray’s muscles before disappearing in the corridors of the hospital. I know she’s not tactful usually, but there, it’s different. She says that as a distraction. I should follow her… But Ray needs me too. I’m not sure anyone thought about what he must feel with his girlfriend in an operating room. They probably did like Tracie and got angry with him - not as violently of course. He’s alone… I guess it’s up to me. I sit next to him, not really knowing what to say. I finally do the best as I can. He doesn’t seem to believe me when I say Aliya will be okay and that it is not his fault, but I try. He looks a little bit better and everything’s fine until he talks about Tracie and her crazy attitude. I think he doesn’t understand what I’m doing with her. I don’t either to be honest.
We stay silent after that. I start worrying about Tracie. She left us a while ago. Ray doesn’t look like he’s gonna punch the wall, I guess it’s safe to leave him alone.
I spend fifteen minutes to find the damn rest rooms of this ground. Let’s just hope she’s there.
And she is, crying in a side of the toilets. I’m not really surprised, even if it still breaks my heart to see her so overwhelmed. I’m such a jerk, letting her alone was a very bad idea.
I turn my head towards the mirror. Broken and with blood. Not difficult to guess she hit it with her fist. I can’t even imagine her hand right now.
“Trace ?” I call her softly.
She raises her head and reveals her red cheeks, wet by her tears. “What if she dies ? What if I lose her, like I lost Lexie ?” She is half panicking. I get closer slowly, while she goes on. “What if I can’t keep people close to me ? What if I lead them to death !”
I kneel down to face her. “Gosh, what are you saying, Tracie ? It doesn’t make sense !” She shakes her head, still hunched on the floor. Her hand bleeds, I can see pieces of the mirror inside it.
“I can’t go through this again…” She sobs.
“You won’t, okay ? You won’t.” I repeat.
Tracie finally lets me hug her. She cries on my shoulder, mumbling things I can’t understand. I don’t stop my “shhh” or the moves of my hand on her back a second.
“Why do people always say I am strong ? I’m not.” She suddenly says, her safe hand grabbing my bicep like an anchor.
“You are strong. But you’re human too.”
And that’s the moment I do the stupidest thing I could ever do. I just don’t think and kiss her hair. It’s quick and innocent, but it both makes us stop breathing. We look each other in the eye, both realizing something. Our faces are so close, I suddenly realize, my eyes staring at her lips.
“I-I sh-should do something for my hand!” Tracie almost screams, getting up.
“Trace wait !” She almost runs away, but stops at the door. She stares at me, shakes her head, eyes widened, and finally leaves me before I have time to think clearly.
That night is pure shit. First Andrea, then Tracie, and Ray. And Tracie again. Since I met her, she’s always there.
I don’t know why I didn’t leave. Why I am still in the hospital, waiting. For what ? Again, I don’t know. Probably for her. No. Not probably. I am waiting for her. Even if I know it’s stupid and useless. She ran away, and I’m not sure she’ll come back one day. I don’t know if it was too early or if I just should have never done that. But I can’t believe I am the only one who felt it. I got girlfriends before, but I’ve never had this feeling, this need to be with them, to share everything, even my soul. With Tracie I have it. And I love it… like I love her.
I put my head on the backseat. I love her, finally I admit it. I am in fucking love with her and nothing can change that.
I can’t let her go, I realize. If I give up now, I’ll definitely lose her. I have to try something. The only way to convince Tracie is to be more stubborn than she is. It’s not something easy but I’m determined to do it.
That’s the moment she chooses to appear in the hall. She looks very very angry. I don’t know what happened but it certainly won’t won’t stop me. I follow her and grab her wrist.
“Tracie, we need to talk.” She turns around and looks at my grab. “I should go, Alan.” The tone is distant.
I take the keys of her car, still in the pocket of my jeans. “The keys against a talk.”
She bites her lips. I know she wanna run away, but I have the keys… I feel a little guilty for forcing her, but sometimes the only way to do something with Tracie is to use extreme measures.
“Okay.” She sighs. She already regrets it, and it tears my heart more than I would like to.
“I can’t be your friend.” I announce straightforwardly, oncewe got out of the hospital and found a quieter place.
She gets white and steps back, not expecting that. “Wh-what ?”
“I can’t be your friend.” I repeat. The words are hard, violent. I see how they touch her. But she needs to know. I take a long breath to gain some courage, before saying it aloud for the first time of my life. “I can’t be your friend because I love you more than a friend.”
I think a second and realize that’s not how a normal relationship works. Love declarations come later. But we’re not really normal, are we ?
“Really ?” She only replies with a small voice, blinking.
How can she doubt about it ? This is so obvious, they all saw it before us.
“Of course.”
“More than a friend?” It seems she wants to make sure of something.
“So much more than a friend.” I whisper
Tracie crosses the few inches separating us. I touch her cheek with one finger lightly, as if I could make her run away if I push too strong. She shivers and gets closer to me. I feel her speed breaths on my face. We look each other in the eye few seconds, before she decides to make the last step and to kiss me. It’s brusque and surprising, like her. I put my hands around her waist and she wraps hers around my neck, holding me to make the kiss last longer. I bet she has never been kissed like that, neither did I. It’s stronger and more passionate than everything I knew before. Does it come from her, me or just the both of us ?
Tracie slowly pulls away, breathless. I cup her face, thumbing her cheeks, and let go a “holy shit”, which, I think, summarize that crazy day perfectly. She can’t help but bursting out laughing. I just look at her, her natural beauty, her appeased look. Our eyes meet again and I grin when I realize she looks at me exactly in the way I look at her. She bites her bottom lip, suddenly hesitating.
“You can kiss me again whenever you want, babe.” I say, guessing her intention.
As an answer, she simply gives me the finger, trying not to smile. I immediately lean towards her and catch her lips with mines. Aliya is definitely not the only one who got shot tonight.
A/N : It was supposed to be a funny fic… and it is a funny fic… mainly. I mean, there are cute Alcie moments, but also things less funny (not that much don’t worry). I wrote it very quickly (well I tried to) so ignore my shitty writing and the mistakes in the text (actually do it every time I post a fic lol). Anyway, do you guys remember this fic from Cassey, when Tracie locked them outside ? Well you’ll discover, among other things, why she did it hehehe. With mentions of @mila-regan @aliyatyson (and Ray).
I wave one last time at Aliya, Thomas and Sarah. They go back to Atlin for few days, leaving me alone in this small house I learnt to love. At least I have Shrek with me.
First step, food. I made a stock yesterday and hid it under my bed. Chocolates, candies, biscuits, chips and crackers are quietly waiting for me. I grab the big bag, grinning. I’m so relieved Aliya didn’t see it, she would have taken it with her, as revenge when I came back just before the curfew the other day. Her face when she saw Alan, if I hadn’t been so groggy I would have laughed. But she was nice with him. And she didn’t even stay mad. She’s too weak with me mwahahaha. She can’t resist. What will it be when she has children ?
“No way ! No way !” I scream, trying not to imagine Raliya’s kids. No no no, I’m certainly not ready for this. I’m not even ready to see them getting married. Aliya in a white dress is too much for me. And Ray in a suit, ugh ! I blink to forget these images. But it doesn’t work. Great. I’m pretty sure I’ll make nightmares about it now.
I go to the small living room and throw myself on the sofa. Shrek jumps on my chest and rubs his head against me, asking for strokes. I sigh. “I’ll miss you, stupid cat.” I almost want to keep him, but he’s a gift since the beginning. I’m just his keeper for few weeks.
I start watching TV, while eating some chips. I would like Mila to be here with me, like the old times we were talking in her room, eating. It seems it was months ago, but only one month and a half has passed since Haiden eliminated me. I should call her. I am going to grab my phone and do it when someone knocks on the door.
“Who’s there ?” I yell, still on the sofa.
“The Alpha male !”
I roll my eyes. “It’s open !”
Alan enters and joins me in the living room. He comes to check on me every fucking day. Okay I exaggerate. He checked only once, the day after I got nuts. And the day after that, I waited for him at the country club he works in on Mondays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays. Seeing each other at the end of the day quickly became a habit.
“You’re certainly not an Alpha male.” I tell him, putting chips in my mouth. “You’re an Omega.”
He takes me the chips bag. “Hey !” I scream.
“I am an Alpha. A great Alpha.” He shows off.
“You know that the Alpha male is supposed to have a female by his side ? They’re the couple leading the pack.”
“What’s your point, Beauchamp ?”
I don’t want to move to get my chips bag back, I prefer to take some candies.
“You’re single. So you can’t be an Alpha male. Sorry, Holland.”
He puts his elbows on the backrest of the sofa, pretending to be lost in a deep reflection. “Maybe I should defy the true alpha and take his partner.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Who’s that alpha you want to defy ? Hayleigh’s new boyfriend ?”
“Ha. Ha.” He says, and then eats more chips. I laugh, seeing his grimace. His exes -and I learnt there were many of them- are a sensitive subject. He hates talking about them. I try to discover why, but he’s pretty determined not to leak any information. If we hadn’t met Hayleigh, I’m not even sure we would have talked about it.
“You’re all alone ?” He suddenly asks. Usually we don’t stay at the apartment, there is always someone. We only walk, talking about anything.
“Yep. Aliya and Thomas are visiting their parents in Atlin with Sarah. It will be quiet for few days.”
He smirks. “Quiet ? With you ? It’s impossible.”
I show him my beautiful middle finger, which makes him laugh.
“So,” He goes on. “That’s what you planned for the next days ? Staying on this sofa in pajamas, watching TV and eating junk food ?” I nod. “I start thinking you have a heartbreak.”
I sit up straight. “If I had a heartbreak, I would eat ice cream and only ice cream.” He looks skeptical. “I know what I’m talking about, I have already done this before.” I mumble.
“And do you think you will do it again ?”
“Certainly not !”
I won’t let anyone break my heart again. Never.
“I won’t let you stay locked here.” Alan says. “Walk with me, it’s sunny today.”
“It’s always sunny in Angeles.” He gives a disapproving sight. I get up, letting all my stuff on the sofa.
“Okay, okay I’m coming.”
He grins, feeling victorious. I give him the finger and he grabs me by the shoulders. “As acknowledgment I’m gonna pay you a coffee at Hayleigh’s working place.” He knows how much I love teasing him about her. I can’t help smiling. “Okay you won this one, Maxon.” (selection joke hehehe)
“You didn’t have a car yesterday, am I wrong ?”
I turn around and smile at Alan. “Actually I did. But it wasn’t here.”
He raises his eyebrows. “How…”
“Dad sent it to me from Whites !” His birthday gift with some late. My baby has been stuck in Columbia for days because of a train problem.
“You Twos are crazy.” Alan shakes his head, perplex. “You buy cars to your underage children, and you deliver them at the other side of the country.”
We rarely talk about our caste difference, it leads to tensions. Even if I want them to be removed as much as he does, he’s still a Six and me a Two, which means we had a different upbringing.
“He didn’t buy it. I did. It was a total ruin when I found it in a garbage dump, but I repaired it entirely. It took months to get all the pieces. And know baby’s home.” I say, caressing the hood.
He doesn’t listen to one word of what I say and just puts his hands in his pockets. It’s obvious he’s somewhere else. “Are you okay, Alan ?” I ask softly.
He pinches his lips, like every time he doubts or thinks. “No.” He finally says.
I stop cleaning my child. “I bought doughnuts this morning.” I know he loves it. I don’t need to say more to convince him. He follows me inside the house and I show him the box of doughnuts. He opens it and takes one, but he doesn’t look like he really wants to eat it. I try to turn on the faucet with my elbows, having the hands full of grease.
“What’s the problem ?” I ask.
He helps me to turn on the faucet. I whisper a thank you. “My sister is saving money to move to Waverly.” He finally sighs.
“What ? Why ?”
“She thinks they pay better there…”
I raise an eyebrow. “She wants to live at the other side of the country only for this reason ?”
“She wants to live far from me.”
I stop soaping my hands. “Nonsense ! You’re her brother, her only family. How can she…”
“That’s exactly why she wants to move, Tracie. She’s fed up with me because I am her brother who had to become her father too. She wants a new start far from a Holland.”
“She is only 15, she’ll change her mind, Alan.”
He shakes his head. “No, she won’t. She’ll leave and I’ll never see her again, that’s what will happen.” He closes his eyes and I think he hold his tears back. “What did I do wrong, Tracie ? All I’ve been doing since Mom died is only to be sure she’ll be okay… Why does she hate me ?”
I dry my hands and force him to sit. “She doesn’t hate you.”
“How do you know that ?”
I smile. “I kind of had the same problems with my mother. I know what Andrea feels.”
He’s going to argue but I talk before he can do it. “She’s lost. And she probably hasn’t mourned over your mother yet.”
“Me neither !”
I go on as if he didn’t say anything. “And she must be angry with you for some dark reason because teenargers are naturally angry with the parental figure.”
“Is that supposed to help me ?” He sighs.
“No. I suck too much at reassuring for that.”
“Good.”
I open the doughnut box again. “But this should help a little bit.”
He finally eats a doughnut quietly, probably thinking about Andrea and his mother. When he finishes he starts talking about his family life and how everything changed when his mother died. I talk about my own problems with my mother, my parents’ divorce when I was eight. It’s weird to have such a deep conversation, I’m not used to it.
I am surprised when he speaks about his father, who left them when his mother got pregnant with Andrea. I can see how hard it is for him to bring these memories back.
I thumb Alan’s hand, caressing his tanned and rough skin.
“I’m here if you need me.”
He looks at our hands. “Nobody’s ever been here for me.”
This short sentence reveals so much about the loneliness he must have felt all his life. I feel my heart break a little bit for him.
“And now it is over. You’re not alone. I’m here.” I repeat, looking almost desperately for his blue sight. He finally raises his head. I try to smile, so does he. We must look stupid, with these grimaces, but it is strangely comforting.
The moment is broken by a knock on the door. I blink and look towards the corridor.
“I should…”
“Hum, yeah. Good idea.” He pulls his hand back and gets up. I can’t help but touch where his fingers were few seconds earlier. The unknown person knocks again. I sigh, look a last time at Alan and open the door.
“Ray ?!” I almost scream. He was the last person I expected to see.
He doesn’t seem to totally be here with me. “Is Aliya here ?” He asks.
Okayyyy… He looks really strange. Did he drink ? Or took drugs ? He doesn’t look like him at all.
“She’s gone.” I raise an eyebrow. “You knew that, right ?”
He doesn’t look like the Ray I know so much that I start missing the old sarcastic Ray.
“Yes-yes of course, I knew.” He stutters. “I just- I came to check on the house and you, that’s all.”
Huh what ? Check on me, seriously ? He really thinks I’m gonna believe it ?
“Aliya asked.” He says to save himself. Doesn’t work man. “So everything seems fine, good.” He clears his throat. “Have a nice day.”
Has Ray Jefford just wished me a good day ? He’s possessed or what ?
“Bye?”
He doesn’t answer, already at the other side of the street. Is it Aliya’s absence which makes him like that ? God, he’s more in love than what I thought. I maybe should have proposed him to stay a little. I look behind my shoulder.
“Who was it ?” Alan asks.
No, it was better to let him leave. I already have my depressed case here. And he’s not my friend. Maybe I love Aliya, but not enough to look after her boyfriend. He wouldn’t have told me anything anyway.
“Aliya’s boyfriend, Ray.” I answer, closing the door.
Alan nods. An awkward silence falls. I don’t know what to say to make things cool again, so I stay stupidly next to the door.
“I should go.” He finally says, taking his jacket. “I have to fix things with Andrea.”
I blink, not expecting it. “Hum, yeah… I guess you’re right.”
He grabs the handle of the door and looks at me. “See you later ?”
Why does it sound interrogative ? “Of course !”
He smiles a last time and takes the same way Ray took few minutes before. I close the door and let me fall on the floor. What has just happened ?
Two days later, Aliya is back with her brother and Sarah. I’m happy to see them again, especially because I didn’t see Alan yesterday. I know he avoids me. I have no idea of what I said or what I did to make him run away. Usually I would feel rather angry but I’m just sad. And I hate this.
I want to spend some time with Aliya, just like during the Selection, but she has rebel party plans. I don’t ask her to stay, knowing Ray will be there and that she wants to see him. She looks so happy only at the idea they’ll spend the evening together, she keeps grinning all the time. We live together, like during the Selection, we even share a room… but it feels so different. I try to adapt, telling myself I just need to get used to the life outside the palace. Nevertheless there’s still the fear to lose her. Not like I lost Lexie of course. But she has new friends, a boyfriend… maybe crazy Tracie will become too much.
I frown, looking at the equations I started. I don’t like it, the girl I’m becoming. I feel insecurity spreading inside me, and I don’t know where it comes from. Badass Tracie is missing, where is the girl who always knows there will be something good one day ?
“See you later !” I say to Shrek, taking my jacket. I certainly won’t let it happen. I won’t become withdrawn or something. I won’t stay all day in the house because I have nothing to do. It’s just a bad moment, but it won’t last. I just need… to find something.
I’m so focused on my new determination that I bump into someone. The someone being Alan. Obviously.
“I was going to your home.” We say at the same time.
We laugh awkwardly. He is the first one to talk.
“I’m sorry for the other day. I shouldn’t have left like that.” He takes a long breath. “It’s just that I never confide so much. In anyone. And…” He makes a pause.
“And ?” I ask softly.
“It scares me.” He whispers, maybe hoping I wouldn’t hear. I pull on the sleeves of my jumper to hide my trembling hands. I cross my arms and raise my head. “It scares me too.” I sigh, finally admitting out loud that getting so close to him is frightening. I got through this before and it didn’t finish very well. I don’t want it to happen again.
“It’s a good thing.” He says, smiling.
“Really ?” I frown.
“If we’re both scared, it means I’m not a total wimp.”
“You’re not a wimp at all.” I correct.
Alan stares at my face few seconds. His intense look makes me blush. I look down, feeling a little uncomfortable, and notice a strange lump under his sweater.
“What is that ?” I say, pointing the lump.
“Hum… A gift ? If you accept, of course.”
“A gift for what ?”
“Your birthday ?”
“It was three weeks ago.”
He rolls his eyes and sighs. “You don’t have to accept, remember okay ?” He pulls on the fastening of his sweater and a small head gets out. I grab the puppy, whining. (Hey I’m still a girl, babies and animals are too irresistible, I can’t help it.)
“Hello, puppy !” I stroke the top of its head. “You’re the ugliest dog I have ever seen.”
Alan blinks. “Why does it sound like a compliment ?”
“Because it is.” I hold the dog tightly. He laughs. “What ?” I say. “I’ve always found English bulldogs cute because of their ugliness.” Alan shakes his head but keeps smiling. “Where did you get it ?” I ask him.
“I found him in the street. He has been abandoned, like many other dogs before him.” He explains. “Usually I take the dogs I find to a refuge I worked in. But… I thought having a pet would be good to cheer you up. And I decided to try, because why not ?”
“I have a pet, Shrek. And you’re here to cheer me up.” I quickly answer.
I don’t know why he blushes at the last sentence. Why did I say which is so special, except the truth ?
“You won’t keep Shrek.” He remembers me, something he doesn’t need to do. I am not ready to see my Shrek leave.
“I don’t know if Aliya will agree. A puppy makes more damages than a cat.” I argue.
He puts his hands in his pockets. “I told you you don’t have to keep him if you don’t want to.”
That’s the thing. I want to keep him. I suddenly turn around walk towards my home.
“I’ll call him Fitz.” I declare. I hear his laugh behind me.
“Why Fitz ?” He says, joining me.
I shrug. “Dunno. It fits that’s all.”
We quickly arrive and I notice Shrek has left jumping through the window of the kitchen. Good. I don’t know how he will react when he meets his temporary new buddy.
“I have nothing to feed him.” I realize.
“That’s why we invented supermarkets.”
I roll my eyes and look for my bag. I hide my hair under a baseball cap.
I have put Fitz on the floor of the kitchen. Alan and I look at him while he’s smelling and discovering his new place.
“Is it a good idea to let him alone ?”
“We have to buy him food, we don’t really have the choice but letting him here.” Maybe I shouldn’t, but I like the way he says “we”.
“Bye Fitz !” I say, closing the door. Alan rolls his eyes and offers me his hand. I take it as if it is the most natural thing to do and we walk quietly to the supermarket, talking like nothing happened two days ago.
Once in the supermarket Alan leads me to the pet section. I start looking at the food for puppy. “How old is he you think ?” I ask.
“Around 4 months.” He answers, at the other side of the section. What is he doing ? I shake my head and focus on these stupid feed brands. How will I make my choice, I can’t even see the difference between medium and maxi size. How am I supposed to know the future weight of Fitz ?
“Found it !” Alan says. I turn my head and see him carrying a huge kibble bag on his shoulder quietly. “Do you want to buy a second bag ?”
“Hum… one seems to be enough.” I see it weighs 15 kilos. “I’ll have stock for months.”
“You have to give him 341 grams a day, admitting he’ll weigh 25 kilos. I let you calculate, genius.”
“43 days. Almost 44.” I immediately answer.
“Ok, one bag is enough.” He admits, looking disappointed that I won’t buy another one.
“What ? You wanted to show all your strength ?” I laugh. Then I take a deeper voice, trying to imitate him. “Look people I can carry 30 kilos I am sooooo strong.”
He puts the bag down and crosses his arms. “30 kilos are nothing.”
“Talk for you.” I bite my lip. “I bet you can’t carry me.” I provoke him.
Alan smirks and open his arms. “You’re gonna lose, babe.”
I get closer to him. I already regret this. Why can’t I shut up ? I’m really too close, it makes me feel nervous. I can see his blood pulse at the artery of his neck. It’s a bit too fast. I’m not the only one nervous.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Don’t call me babe.”
He goes lightly down to pass his arms under my knees and lifts me easily. Okay, maybe he’s really strong. But I already knew it. I mean, look at his arms, at his torso ! I was maybe overwhelmed when he was shirtless, but I didn’t forget that great view.
“I’ll keep calling you babe.” He says, starting to walk in the section with me in his arms. “You’re as easy to carry as a baby.” I roll my eyes. He exaggerates, even he seems not to have problems to transport me. “Why do you make fun of your weight ? You’re not that heavy.”
“72 kilos for 158 centimeters is heavy.”
Few kilos more and I am officially obese. Alan doesn’t answer. I would rather he does. Because I need something to distract me from his warm hand on the naked skin of my thigh. Wearing shorts was a great idea, Tracie. That plus his other hand on my waist… I should stop betting all the time, it leads to too many problems.
I hide my red face in his shoulder. Another great idea. Now I smell lemon, washing powder and some sweat. And I like it. Too much.
“You know we came here to buy stuff for Fitz ?” I finally remind him.
“Yeah yeah.” He answers, retightening his hold around me. He goes back to the pet section and asks me what type of things I want. Still in his arms, I grab toys, a basket, a dish etc. I keep that in my own arms. If we forget the butterflies in my stomach because of his hold, I start finding it quite funny. We look ridiculous.
“Will you carry me until we go home ?”
“I will.” He assures me, confident. He still doesn’t look tired. Maybe he’s really able to do it.
“And how will you do for the kibble ?”
He observes the bag he let in the middle of the alley.
“I can take care of it.”
“How ?” I insist.
He thinks a second and shoots in the bag with his foot. I burst out laughing, while he keeps shooting in the bag to reach the checkout. I officially declare us mad. Once at the checkout, I give the objects to the cashier, who stares at us.
“Yeah I am the ex-Selected.” I tell, knowing it’s not the reason why he looks at us this way. I pay with my credit card and I notice how Alan and the cashier look at it. Only Twos, Threes and few Fours have it.
We go out and Alan puts me down. I don’t know if I should be relieved or not. I felt good in his arms, safe. But I’m also glad to have some distance. He takes the kibble bag and we walk quietly back home.
When I open the door, the first thing I smell is urine. I drop my bag. Fitz peed in probably every room of the house to mark his new territory.
“Aliya is gonna kill me.”
I enter the living room and find Fitz literally destroying a pillow. Ok I’m dead. She’ll kick me out. It’s not like she will miss me anyway, I can’t help thinking.
Alan puts the kibble bag in the kitchen.
“We’re gonna clean up everything, don’t worry.”
Again this “we”.
“What if she comes back earlier ?”
He takes the key in my hand and put it inside the lock. “She won’t be able to enter.”
I shake my head. “And I am the mad girl ?” I should feel guilty for Aliya, but I don’t. She’ll sleep at Ray’s.
Alan grabs the little monster and locks him in the kitchen. I take mops and cleaning products and Alan a broom. “Here we go.” He declares.
Hours later, I totally get crazy while I’m cleaning the kitchen - Fitz peed again. I turn on the radio and start singing the songs… Yelling them being more accurate. “GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT WON’T HELP ME CHASE THE SHADOWS AWAY GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT TAKE ME THROUGH THE DARKNESS TO THE BREAK OF THE DAY”
Alan stares at me from the corridor. He rolls his eyes but smiles when I grab the broom to make it a mic.
“YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEN, YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEN”
“MAMMA MIA HERE I GO AGAIN MY MY HOW CAN I RESIST YOU ?”
“DON’T GO WASTING YOUR EMOTION LAY ALL YOUR LOVE ON ME”
“Do you know only songs from Mamma Mia ?” Alan tries to ask above the music.
“NO.” Don’t ask me why I still scream. “BUT MUSICALS ARE MY GUILTY PLEASURE.” I make a pause. “SING WITH ME !”
His eyes widens. “No, you sound like my sister under the shower. And it’s awful.”
“Oh c’mon it will be funny !” He looks quite skeptic. “Wait…” I realize. “Can you sing ?”
He blushes and nods. “My mother was a Five. She taught me.”
“Oh. Sad I wanted to do a battle to decide who is the worst singer.” I won’t let him time to answer and starts singing again. “MASTER OF THE HOUSE, KEEPER OF THE ZOO READY TO RELIEVE ‘EM OF A SOU OR TWO”
I don’t even finish to clean the kitchen, too focused on my concert. Alan’s ears are finally released when I totally lose my voice. Without a word he decides to make me a camomile and forces me to sit on the sofa. I stare at Fitz who is sleeping in his new basket. I’ll get my revenge for the cleaning, stupid dog. I’m thinking about a plan while drinking my camomile.
“Are you really thinking about getting a revenge on a puppy ?” Alan asks.
I turn my head and widen my eyes. How did he guess ? “I saw it in the way you looked at him.” He continues. I frown. Am I really that obvious ? I sigh and close my eyes. I’m so tired. I put my head on Alan’s shoulder, feeling I get asleep. I’m almost asleep when I hear a soft and deep voice sing slowly :
it was a p great run although i died bc of delays and yeah...but hey clearing mm3 in 30 mins a a new record now~ gotta aim for the 15 mins run ohohoh
then silvie have to go and we kinda dk what to do so we kinda yolo vn abyss lmao and went to rdn memo and guess who dies from spacebar mex for the 127964918731th time lmaoo
last ss of my friend urging me to go lbdn lmao more like abusing raid leader chat =3= i was lectured by both of them for spending my golds on costumes ahahahhaha
