May 9, 2019
She's about two seconds away from making a fool of herself in front of her professor.
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She's about two seconds away from making a fool of herself in front of her professor.
sry for all the typos. i started st. patricks day drinking.
Anyway this bottle opener with like ten words on it the largest of which are NOT FOR RESALE has been on marketplace for the past three or four months and I don’t drink beer but I love this ad so much I kind of want to spend $2 to own it?? Like??? The tape measure isn’t included; PLEASE.
tonight is gonna be annoying af. everyone on my floor is loud as it is now i get to hear them slam doors and scream while being drunk!!
me when there’s a happy hour deal
who would win:
my lifelong sobriety
or
one very enticing carton of eggnog
i, in the middle of post-nap-dissociation, just got sort of hit on by a guy on the street. i was walking my dog and he and his two friends (one of which is called Felix, like my cactus) were ahead of me, talking about drunk-driving or something. with his two friends walking ahead, he dropped his new bottle of wodka. im talking 1l of brand wodka, and he just dropped it and it burst into a million tiny pieces. he was super flustered and picked up the largest piece of glass, the one with the label. i came really close and he apologized like four times and asked me to be careful because of my dog. i told him it was fine three times and walked ahead. then he caught up with me exclaiming “what great friends, huh?!”, because they were like 20m away now, yelling “we’re not gonna keep standing there (and look like idiots)!”. and tten he just started talking to me. if my dog was a he or she, that he was really cute and pretty, that he looked like a eurasian (close!), if i lived close to here. he was quite nice actually. oh i forgot! the first thing he said to me was “without alcohol i’m nothing” so that was funny. except guys+alcohol are a no-go for me. anyways, he finally stopped talking to me, started yelling after his friends and took off.
Anybody have any ideas on approaching an ex who’s heart you broke by being pissed and firmly placing your foot into your oral cavity and apologizing to said ex? No? Damn, I was hoping you would. This is eating me up inside worse than Jack on an empty stomach.