#alealia

[foxkunkun]

Ahh I have just discovered all of your Sheith things! I wish I could own it (I live in Australia, so so much is usually out of my grasp x'D)

Hello fellow Australian i hope one day i can share all my sheith things with you and everyone else out there too waaa//>< 

[unhallowedhybrid]

[ Blog Status ]

CW negative, drama, sui mention

This blog has been an absolute mess of my queue and personal emotional bullshit ever since things went entirely south with a server that used to exist and the people in it. If those posts caused anyone but the toxic person who caused it any upset, I’m sorry.

I was going to try and ask advice on what to do with my blog, whether to refresh it or remake it entirely, or whether to move to discord. But I’ve just been sitting here crying because it’s just all too much. This has dragged on for so so long and it’s eating away at me. I wish I could have this space to feel safe and comfortable in. I wish this space could have been somewhere I could have been creative and had fun and escaped for a little while from everything else that’s going on for me.

It’s been over a year since my attempt, well over now. It’s really hard to keep track of time. And I haven’t felt I’ve been able to settle, not into a routine, not into interests, nothing. I felt really shaky when I first started here and I wasn’t without my usual self esteem issues and shyness but for a little bit I thought. Hell. This is something I’ve been into for a really long time. And I’ve found friends here that I can be really open with and talk to every day, almost. When threads were going or plotting was happening I could feel okay. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself? I don’t know. I know I had waves of never feeling I fit in and I guess with how things ended up I can identify where those feelings were largely coming from outside of my own insecurities.

The last RPC I was in things ended sourly, and it wasn’t long after that that I attempted. They weren’t related but, when something like that happens it’s everything big and small building and building that finally breaks you. I can’t even look at art from that fandom anymore and I desperately hope that, since I’m keeping in some positive company in this fandom, the same won’t happen with DMC.

I think I’m losing track of myself. I dunno. Every time I try to work out what I want to do here I just feel really helpless. That again a place that I wanted to enjoy just feels sour, tainted. And I’ve never learned how to reclaim a space for myself nor felt strong enough to try. That and, again, the person who caused it just seems to get off scott-free. They can still enjoy this space and like a spiteful slap to the face they moved to the fandom I’d tried to shift to as well.

With how it’s all draining me I don’t know if I have it in me to try refreshing or remaking this blog. There is so much of my muse here that got tangled up in theirs and so many people here who still interact with them. And it just hurts too much to try. I’ve got so much going on irl that I can’t cope with and this on top of that.. I can’t do it.

Which fucking sucks. I love writing. I love Nero. I love the threads I have and starters and asks that are collecting dust and I love things that have been plotted or talked about behind the scenes and I love headcanons and AUs... I love it all so fucking much.

But I don’t know what to do here, I don’t know how to make this place feel comfortable and I don’t know how to move on from what’s happened and how it’s all just been rotting.

In all likelihood any threads or AUs or anything that are important to anyone are with people I speak to on discord anyway. But if not and you want to RP with me privately or just shoot the shit, feel free to add me. I’ll put my discord in the tags.

[weebtrina]

alealia replied to your photo “SUPPPPPER self indulgent Berserk x Voltron art ��⚔️ #berserk #voltron...”

dont you meld two of my otps toGETHER LIKE THIS. demon. demon i say!

HEH B) 

[razglowe]

alealia said: BUT HE OWES MEEE… HE OWES ME PIZZA… I need enough to last my adult life *wheezes*

Shhh shh shhhhhhh

It's okay he'll give you a pizza.

But... now sit down for this because this really shocked me when I first learnt about it... he wants money for it.

[cofferi]

Ah, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has been confused by Hamatora. My friends encouraged me to watch it and for the longest time I was just like "What is actually going on??" But thankfully it does.. come together... and then gets all messed up again in Re! 8'D

i watched the first season like "yeah yeah awesome cool... wait huh. died, who died, what, pacing, ending wtf" and for some reason i decided to watch the first episode of re: and i don't think i can continue... there's just too much wtf going on

[remembrance123]

So I reheated my pizza, got out my BBQ sauce to add extra and thought "How does Armin feel about BBQ sauce, I wonder?" Now I need to know. <3

LOL well Armin in the TB-verse would probably be okay with it in moderation. He does get quite upset about the name, but not the sauce itself. "Barbecue sauce... Barbecue sauce. Nobody says, fucking, microwave sauce, or oven sauce. I don't have to use the barbecue sauce in the barbecue; I can use it on the stove. Who's going to stop me? No one because everybody does it!" and Eren's like whoa buddy calm down and Armin just starts screaming.

[do-u-ever-just]

Once you get this you have to say five nice things about yourself publicly then send to 10 of your favorite followers. Thinking good things is hard sometimes but it will make you feel better. Do give it a go! Spread positive thoughts~

1. I'm pretty.

2. I'm good at typing.  (I can touch type).

3. I like giving advice.

4. I'm fairly good at organisation.

5. I like taking photos and sharing them on my various blogs.

[remembrance123]

alealia replied to your post: In the D/s community, a contract is th...

I… was seriously… just about to go to bed… But I have to refresh my tumblr feed if there’s a notification because OCD and… and… *collapses* MUST… SLEEP BUT MUST READ <3

Sleep is important tooo!! Oh well, it's the weekend.