ok so lets talk about alec and feelings
so for the longest time alec didn’t allow feelings or emotions to control him
he was a warrior: lethal, dangerous, a weapon to be used at clave’s disposal
that’s not to say he didn’t feel anything at all - of course he did: he may have angel blood running through his veins but underneath all of that it was stupidly human
however he kept his feelings separated into two separate categories: feelings he was allowed and feelings that were to be buried deep into the recesses of his mind and Not Allowed™ to see the light of day
the list of feelings he allowed himself looked a little like this:
▪ the fierce love he has for his sibling
▪ the fear he has of izzy’s cooking
▪ the general dislike of the population of the world as a whole
the list of Not Allowed™ feelings looked like this:
▪ any feelings that weren’t platonic love towards jace
▪ basically any feeing that didn’t help him become a better
shadowhunter or brother/son. if it wasn’t useful or practical
in any way then he didn’t have any use for it.
▪ (or so he thought)
also enter: a very confused and stuttering alec ‘emotions are a distraction’ lightwood
stoic, serious alec lightwood is blushing and stuttering and tripping over his own words with the eloquence of a small child bc this guy s m i l e d at him
he starts to feel things, bad things like attraction and hope
its ridiculous and he’s confused and then there comes the whole mess with his family and lydia and suddenly everything is clear again
but this sparkly warlock is still popping in alec’s life like a bad penny being so kind and understanding and it does nothing to help the butterflies in his chest
he tells him its ok, he’s allowed to be happy too
alec doesn’t believe him that’s a lie, a little part of him does and it breaks when he tells magnus to back off
next thing he knows he finds himself standing at the altar with lydia opposite him, his brother and sister standing united behind him and magnus at the end of the aisle
i want this so much ‘i don’t want the world i want you’ *high five for tmi reference*
magnus’s words are ringing in his ears as he steps down to the aisle and walks towards him, pushing past his mother and making quite possibly, the first selfish decision in his life
i’m allowed to want this, i’m allowed to be happy
as alec kisses magnus he decides that happiness isn’t such a bad feeling after all