just kill me it would literally hurt less than this 😭😭 - @eoinmcgonigall
No but listen, I've been thinking about Paddy and his relation to touch non-stop for days and now you've given me the perfect excuse to talk about it? I love you <3 (Tags were from this post)
One thing that struck me most with Paddy/Eoin is how often Eoin reaches out for Paddy (ie. lightly tapping his shin when Eoin gets back to their tent) but most importantly, Eoin ALWAYS squeezes before withdrawing the contact, almost like he's preparing himself, or Paddy, or both, to lose this connection. But also, I'm a firm believer that Eoin was as much in love with Paddy as Paddy was with him, and that was his own little indulgence (and what a rush it must give him, being the only one allowed to touch Paddy in a way that isn't a punch or marked by violence). And the touch is always so tender, lingering, this is (to me) Eoin threading the line between what's acceptable between two best friends and what raises eyebrows. He always drags the touch a little longer, always touches Paddy even if the situation doesn't call for it.
On the other hand, Paddy touches Eoin almost only when there's an 'excuse' for it, like steadying himself on Eoin shoulder to play the piano while standing (gif 1). The one time the situation doesn't call for touch but Paddy touches Eoin anyway is in prison (gif 2), and it's such an awkward little pat, almost like Paddy knows he doesn't have an excuse to hide behind beyond wanting to touch Eoin and is trying so hard not to reach for more (and!! he drags his palm over Eoin's hand as he takes his hand away!! Repressed Paddy, I love you so)
But back to the way Paddy reacts to Eoin's touch; he never outwardly reacts to it. In fact, he never (except for the jail scene) watches Eoin i those scenes, always keeping his eyes in front of him and carrying on whatever he was doing. In the plane, before the jump, that can be explained; he's focused (gif 2). But in the scene where he's eating soup (gif 3), I can't help but feel like he's making a point not to look at Eoin as the touch is made, almost like when someone who doesn't usually give physical affection lays their head on your shoulder and you stay still so you don't bring attention to it and they withdraw. Now, Eoin is rather free in his affections with Paddy, so my theory is that Paddy makes a point not to bring attention to the touches so Eoin doesn't withdraw, but Paddy is soaking in every touch. Maybe this is their silent understanding, that they're Friends but friends don't usually touch like that but They do, because they're Paddy&Eoin. Maybe he's come to associate Eoin with these friendly, if lingering touches. A beacon of affection when the only other people who ever touch Paddy are the people he's fighting/boxing with/MPs arresting him
Anyway to me, this purports my hc that both Paddy and Eoin were in love with each other but neither of them dared to confess. I think Eoin was comfortable/aware of his feelings, but he wasn't sure how that was with Paddy so, not wanting to push Paddy, he was happy to indulge in those touches, making them linger because if that's all he was going to get, he was going to make the most of it. On the other hand, Paddy strikes me more as repressed - not so much in being gay (see the poem he recites in his first jail scene + the signet ring) but in his feelings for Eoin, only finding the strength to confront them once Eoin's gone, because what is there left of Eoin if not the love Paddy has for him? (These are all personal hc, of course, I'm not preaching lmao)
Which brings me to my point: the last time Paddy touches Eoin is when Eoin can't feel it anymore. The only time Paddy finds the courage to hold Eoin's hand is when Eoin is no longer alive to return the hold. And, if memory serves, that's the last time anyone touches Paddy in season 1 (though I could be wrong, it is the last time there is any close-up on touch and Paddy, except for the fighting in the sand scene with Augustin). But Paddy is definitely isolated once Eoin dies - by choice, as shown by the fact that his tent is outside the main camp of Jalo.
* and ** For some reason, the technique I used to properly link specific gifs from a gifset stopped working midway despite the different links BUT gif 2 is from the same gifset as gif 1, and gif 4 is by @loo-nuh-tik in this gifset. If anyone knows why tumblr only showed the first gif of the gifset despite manually putting the link to another one and tumblr showing the new link but not a different gif, please do tell me so I can properly credit the OP
Now season 2; as far as I recall, there are only three persons who dare to reach out and touch Paddy in non-fighting situations, Bill Stirling (gif 1 and 2*), Jim Almonds (gif 3) and Eve (gif 4**) (excluding the barber and Montgomery fixing his beret, even if in that one it was Paddy was Not Comfortable). All three times (although honorable mentions to every time Bill Stirling pats Paddy's shoulder/back, even if it's quick, it's ALWAYS deliberate), Paddy freezes for a millisecond, looking slowly down at the touch like he's trying to make sense of it, if he should allow it, what the touch means, and how long has nobody laid a hand on him without wanting to hurt him? Should he shake it off?
Let's remember that season 2 starts in 1943, almost a year and a half after Eoin's death. That's a LONG time to go without any meaningful touch; Paddy is someone who likes his personal space, who's uncomfortable when people reach into his space (you know how sometimes, if someone touches you it makes you tense up because they aren't some of the Special People you've mentally allowed to touch you?) but he ALWAYS let Eoin into his space. And then, there was no more Eoin, and few people daring to reach out (and the few who do are people who genuinely care about Paddy). And even during his home leave, he did not go see his mother, did not hug her or his siblings, even though it could have been the first time he saw them since at least 1941, and since his father's death (do you ever think about how he had no one to comfort him, to hold his hand and give him a hug when his dad, whom he clearly loved, died? I do and it's not fun).
Oooh thank you! I'll take any opportunity I can to talk about this wip 🥰❤️
9 ⧽. tell us about a wip/idea that you're excited about!
My Cat!Eoin fic 🥹 I have most it plotted out (with the amazing help of @eoin-mcgonigal and @eiriniko) and just need to order it into chapter and commit to writing it but!! It's got EVERYTHING I love 🥹 Whump Eoin, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Touch Starvation, Paddy being the best bf in existence, Eoin having friendships with the lads 🥹 It's a bit of a darker take on cat!eoin but it's very precious to me and very much "healing by healing others" for Eoin, and I can't wait to take you all on his journey of recovery <33
Hi! May I ask where Eoin's engraved cigarette case is mentioned? Which book was it?
Hello <3 That'd be Special Forces Brothers In Arms by Patric McGonigal, written about Ambrose and Eoin McGonigal's early life, their experiences in the war and then Ambrose's post-war life <3
It's just gotten back in stock in most places so you can get it from Waterstones or Amazon if you'd like, but if you're just interested in the excerpt regarding Eoin's cigarette case, someone posted it here
For the fic title game....
'For those we have lost' 😁
(leftoversl1ce)
Oooooh, you're making me stray from my Eoin Lives agenda 😭 But I can't help thinking of Bill and Paddy sharing a quiet moment remembering Eoin 💔
December 5th, 1942 is an ordinary day for most of the SAS; training, training, and then some more training. Paddy's rougher, angrier, meaner than usual but the men don't think much of it, used to the Irishman swinging moods. Only Bill knows why Paddy spent most of the day drunk, spitting insults under the guise of training the men.
Everywhere they go, there's the ghost of a tall man, dark curls tamed with too much gel and yet still breaking free in some places, eyes squinting in half-moons around a wide smile, bright and delighted. There's a empty space where Eoin used to be that Paddy's filled with anger and grief with too many teeth and a too short leash.
Bill doesn't grieve Eoin the same way Paddy does but he misses him, too. He loved him, too. Perhaps that's why he's oddly relieved he never had to see Eoin, pale and cold in his bed of sand. He can still remember how the fire casted shadows on Eoin's face from their days in Lamlash village, the way his eyelashes spilled black ink over his cheeks as he blinked. Bill doesn't get to grieve Eoin the same way Paddy does, but he still grieves. There's still a gaping wound in his heart, aching and barbed.
Perhaps this is why Paddy sits next to him after dinner, away from camp, the stars the only witness to this temporary truce. Eoin should have been twenty-two today. In the year and a half Bill has met him, Eoin had always tried to get Paddy and him to get along, to no avail. They're too similar. Looking at Paddy is like looking in a mirror, all fear and hatred for the parts of himself Bill cannot kill. He suspects Paddy feels the same.
But they had both loved Eoin, and that is not something either of them wants to erase. So, while everyone stays blissfully ignorant to what December 5th is, Bill and Paddy sit isolated on a sand dune, looking at the vastness that's taken Eoin. Bill has never asked if Paddy ever found Eoin's grave. Paddy has never offered to speak about it.
Neither of them are much of a talker, let alone with each other. Bill used to talk to Eoin, and Paddy used to talk to Eoin, but without him, they're like two river banks with no bridge. They drink, and they don't speak a word; Paddy is wound tight, quietly seething, and Bill gives him the space to express his grief without asking why Paddy snarls and bites. Perhaps, one day, they'll talk. Of the small two bedrooms cottage they shared in Lamlash Village, of the beautiful they both loved and lost.
Bill doubts they'll ever be friends like Eoin wanted them to. But with Eoin gone, nobody understands him more than Paddy, though he does it with none of the kindness Eoin had. Bill hates that it's still a comfort.
Next to him, Paddy shifts, takes a long sip of the rum he found while he looks at the desert with burning anger and black hatred, and Bill knows Paddy feels the same as he does.
That was lots of fun!! Unedited and sad, but I had a great time writing it 🥰 Thank you so much for sending this in!! <3
Send me a Fic Title and I'll write a snippet based on it <3
4 ⧽. is there an au or trope that you haven't written before, but would want to try?
A/b/o!! I have a vague idea of the main plot but I'm usually a bit wary of a/b/o so writing it will be a challenge, hence why I'm procrastinating it 😂😭
6 ⧽. if you were to write a part two/sequel to a fic, what fic would you want to write it for?
Most recently, probably If I don't make it back from where I've gone, just know I loved you all along! It's the only paddyeoin fic I have where I've talked about a sequel with a friend but I haven't decided yet if I *will* write it or not. Others will either not have a part two or the part two is in the works (if only in my mind 😂)
hii!! can u share ur paddyeoin playlist? I'd love to hear it
Hii <3 Sadly I've been told too many times as a child that my music taste was shit so I'm terrified of sharing any of my playlist lmao (literally, if someone hands the bluetooth to me, I'll pick one of their playlists and never one of mine because what if they hate it?) So I'm afraid I can't share the entire playlist with you 😭 which is probably for the best because some of them are just there because I associate them to a specific AU/fic/scene so it wouldn't make much sense as a Paddy/Eoin song on its own. However!! I can share a few of my faves and hope you don't hate them <3
For my canon-compliant daydream where Eoin dies.. these two sends me in tears every time
Big pre-canon vibes <33
Either pre-canon or post Squatter where Eoin lives
General vibes <3
I'm sorry but "I made loving you a blood sport"? Paddy coded so bad
I need to update the playlist but if you dig the vibe I can post more 👉🏻👈🏻
Songs and poems!! I have a Paddy/Eoin playlist and a folder full of poems I like so I browse through these when looking for a title <3
7. What fic are you the proudest of?
The Burma fic, In the moon the long road lies (That leads me from my love) 🥹 I feel like so many emotions are rolled into that one, making it feel human in all its forms - grief, anger, love and hope <3 And I don't often write smut so it was a nice exercise that I learned a lot from! Also it was my first ever idea for a Paddy/Eoin fic so to have posted it means a lot to me 🥺🥰❤️
12. Have you ever made a moodboard for a fic? (Do you want to share it?)
When I was writing for Mota, I used to make a moodboard for every one of my fics! But in May I was hit by a need to start over so I deleted all my "aesthetic" gallery folder and I'm too lazy to go back on pinterest so I haven't made any for Paddy/Eoin yet
Here's a few I did for my Clegan fics though <3 (idk if anyone would be interested but if you ever want a moodboard for a fic/au/hc of yours, I'm always at your service 🫶🏻)
38. Fic idea you're most excited to get to?
Currently the Fake Dating AU 🥰 And then I'll go back to canon or canon divergence <3
