What an alien visitor to our planet would deduce about our culture from watching our movies:
1. All police investigations require visiting a strip club at least once.
2. Most dogs are immortal.
3. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
4. Couples who have just had sex will still modestly cover themselves when getting out of bed.
5. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one baguette of French Bread.
6. Anyone can land an plane perfectly providing there is someone in the control tower to give instructions and all control towers have such people.
7. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving
8. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. It’s always large enough to crawl through, but no one will ever think of looking for you in there.
9. People who have never used a handgun before can handle it perfectly with one hand and the recoil won’t be a problem.
10. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
11. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do.
12. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the town’s reputation.
13. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
14. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
15. When paying for a taxi, nobody even looks at the amount, or at what they’re pulling from their wallet, and it’s always enough to include the fare and a generous tip.
16. Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
18. Women staying in a haunted house will always get up to investigate strange noises in their most revealing nightwear.
19. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for their family every morning even though they know nobody ever has time to eat it.
20. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
21. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
22. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
23. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object beyond visual range, this technology will be lost by the 23rd century and will never be recovered.
24. Nobody says hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
25. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
26. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
27. Detectives usually solve cases after being suspended from duty.
28. Nobody ever investigates police shootings, no matter how many shots are fired.
29. Spies are able to create all kinds of mayhem on the streets of major cities, and those streets are never shut down for cleanup afterward. No charges are ever filed.
30. If someone decides to start dancing in the street, everyone else will hear the same music and instinctively synchronize their steps and dance along in the background.
31. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien even when they have no idea of their language or syntax....
