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All About That Bass... And That Treble; a rant.

Because you know I'm all about that bass, 'Bout that bass, no treble I'm all 'bout that bass, 'bout that bass, no treble I'm all 'bout that bass, 'bout that bass, no treble I'm all 'bout that bass, 'bout that bass

No treble? At all? Really? Right, well that certainly sets the tone. If you’re not the kind of thing Meghan likes, you’re not allowed. Fantastic, thanks for letting us know!

Yeah it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two But I can shake it, shake it like I'm supposed to do

Today I learned women (presumably) are “supposed” to “shake it, shake it”. Turns out I’ve been doing this whole woman thing wrong the entire time. Fuck. Question: can one “shake it” if they are a size two? 'Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase

I absolutely love how this implies an entire gender likes the same thing. Honestly, I don’t even think I need to elaborate. Anyone reading would have enough life experience to know that is fucking ridiculous and everyone is completely different. All the right junk in all the right places

... And if I don’t have the “right” junk in the “right” places? Then what? Boys won’t be chasing me, right? Damn, looks like I’m destined for a pointless, boy-free life. PS thanks for being a hetero-normative pain in my ass. I see the magazines working that Photoshop We know that shit ain't real Come on now, make it stop

YES, LEAVE IT HERE! Why couldn’t the bloody-flipping song have been about this? This is something I could whole-heartedly support. Unrealistic beauty standards are harmful, and while she says “We know that shit ain’t real”, that’s not always the case. How are we supposed to tell what has and hasn’t been ‘shopped? Personally I think it’d be pretty nice to see Photoshopped material with some kind of warning - “Spoiler: these images contain painfully unrealistic standards of beauty that will encourage you to feel so terrible about yourself, you’ll likely buy all our products in an attempt to bolster your own self-image and, more importantly, feather our coffers. Regards, the insanely profitable Beauty Industry.” See? Simple. If you got beauty beauty just raise 'em up

But wait… who was beautiful again? Only women with all the right junk in all the right places? Or those who aren’t a size two? Or those who shake it? Wait, I’m confused. 'Cause every inch of you is perfect From the bottom to the top

It is actually, thanks. Luckily I didn’t need this shitty, saccharine song to tell me so though, because my self-worth isn’t based on what others think. I give approximately zero fucks about what other people think of my appearance. I am fucking fantastic. (That said, I would rather the entire song be these two lines repeated constantly than the tripe it actually goes on with.) Yeah, my momma she told me don't worry about your size She says, boys like a little more booty to hold at night

NOBODY PANIC! You don’t have to worry about your size, provided you have a little more booty. And some boom boom. And can shake it, shake it. If you don’t, well… you’re fucked. Have I missed any boxes my body is supposed to check in order to have “beauty beauty”? And if I miss them, does that mean worrying about my size if a thing I should be encouraged to do with my time? Please explain. You know I won't be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll,

This implies two things – firstly that this is the opposite of what she is, and secondly, since she is beautiful and is perfect from the bottom to the top, anyone who has a different body (skinny, no butt, junk in the “wrong” places, can’t shake it, shake it), is… less than beautiful and less than perfect. Cool, thanks. So, if that's what's you're into Then go ahead and move along

I’m actually into people who aren’t complete assholes. But okay.

Yeah, we know. Ho hum.

I'm bringing booty back

Um, in a surprising turn of events, “booty” never actually went anywhere. It’s been celebrated and appreciated by PoC for only, oh, forever, and is not suddenly “back” now that some white woman has decided it’s sexy. But thanks, your arrogance is distracting me from your god-awful song. Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches Hey

I feel like this doesn’t even need explaining. “Skinny bitches”? Seriously? Because all skinny people are, like, totally bitches. Oh look, a body-shaming song promoted as body-positive! This is just as infuriating as “strong is the new skinny” and all that other Tumblr-bullshit – it’s taking one ideal body type and trading it for another. This is not a good thing. No, I'm just playing I know you think you're fat,

You know what people think? Holy shit, that’s amazing! You should be on some sort of psychic show! Oh, wait, you mean you’re making assumptions on the relationships other women have with their own bodies based on your own shitty pre-conceived ideas? And not only that, but you’re essentially telling us that you’re more capable of evaluating and labelling our bodies than we are. Saying “I know you think you’re fat” implies that it’s all in the person’s head, and that you’re more equipped to make that judgement on their body. Don’t tell me whether I’m fat or not, thanks. But I'm here to tell you that, Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

Yep, thanks. Yeah, my momma she told me don't worry about your size She says, boys they like a little more booty to hold at night You know I won't be no stick-figure, silicone Barbie doll,

So, if that's what's you're into Then go ahead and move along

… wait, are you all about that bass? Because it wasn’t really clear to me. WAIT, IS BASS A METAPHOR FOR SIZE?

Fuck your lack of room for treble. A song without treble would be one boring-ass song, and I have no interest in living in a world without it. METAPHORS EVERYWHERE.

#allaboutthatbass #allaboutthattreble #bodyshaming #bullshit #feminist #rant #ireallyfuckinghatethissong