7
Hey... How was your day? I hope it was well. I hope all the others are well too. But I know from experience that not every day can be a bright and peachy one. Some days you feel as if you’re mourning a loss that doesn’t truly exist. It’s one of the most confusing emotions I have ever experienced. I guess that was not exactly the purpose of this post but it is the first thing that came to mind when I started typing. I guess my brain picked a path for me to travel today.. I am not completely sure as to how I am supposed to elaborate on that topic but, I must try my best. It has been awhile since I have written. The highs and the lows have a strange way of taking over my brain, my body, and my breathing. It’s always strange to me how your brain can take over your brain. I understand that that sentence may sound a bit mental but I believe, to some of us, it makes sense. When you’re in a high, you feel completely in control and like nothing could take you down. You are so happy and it is so extreme that it feels like if it could ever go away, it wouldn’t be for a very long time.. That’s not true though. It leaves your body in an instant. The darkness takes over your brain and your brain takes over your body. The smallest thing could send you back into the hole you thought you finally crawled out of for good. These are the days. These are the days when you mourn the loss of the high but it never really existed, did it? Today I am calm. Not because I am relaxed but because my body does not have the energy to be anything else. I know this feeling will go away eventually but for right now, I’m honestly enjoying it. There is something to enjoy about not being in another day of another high. There is something so enjoyable about not having the energy to move. About for the first couple days in a long time, you could sit still. Sit still and just stare. Stare off into nothingness and either think or just zone. Nothing needs to be happening in your head for as long as you would like to sit and stare. I am always moving. Always fidgeting. Always twitching. Always something.. Except for the days I am in mourning. Those are the days where my body and my brain do not feel the urge to move or to fidget or to twitch... These are the days when nothing truly matters because you are so low to the ground, nothing could bring you down farther.