The heat of Orgrimmar baked itself into the dark skin of a golden eyed blood elf man. Tall and muscular, even amongst his own, Cuthbert towered over the pair of Forsaken chatting away at him. The Undead were a married couple, which was funny because Cuth didn’t know Forsaken were allowed to ‘get’ married. Then again, he really didn’t know much about any races outside of his own. The pair were hunchbacked, bones showing, faded glowing yellow eyes, and the woman didn’t have a lower jaw. She had a snakelike tongue that just kept slithering in the air as she talked. How did that work? Magic. Had to be. That was something Cuth could ‘feel’ more than he could understand. It was just in his gut, had been since childhood. Elves were just born great at magic.
Shit, what had they been saying? Honestly, it was too late to start listening now. Instead Cuth just looked at the woman's sagging chest, adorned with an Argent Crusade tabard. That’s why he had come here, wasn’t it? To ask them about their tabards. When the Blood Knights had joined the Order of the Silver Hand, they had done so alongside the Argent Crusade, the Sunwalkers, and the Hand of Something-another-Draenei. They had been a team, until the Fourth War. Then they became enemies again, except for the Argent Crusaders. Cuth really wanted to know more about them, but this girl’s boobs might fall off and splatter onto the floor at any minute. Was it gross? Yes, of course. Was it something he really wanted to see happen? Yep. Just something he could sprinkle into conversation in Silvermoon. ‘Saw an undead’s boobs fall off once.’ Heh heh.
“Are you staring at my chest?”
Cuth blinked, “Yes…”
Ariel gave a quizzical look to the blood elf, her husband, Murrey, patting her shoulder as his breath came out in a hoarse whisper, “Ah ha. I told you, you still got it!”
A caravan led by kodos, not alpacas, rolled along the street beside them, it’s rumbling shaking the ground at their feet. Cuth shook his head, trying to clear his mind of undead boobs, “Sorry, I- Like, you two are with the Argent Crusade, right? Like, they let in anybody, even undeads, right? Cause I was thinkin’ about joining.”
Murrey recognized Cuthbert for what he was almost immediately. A simpleton. A soldier who was forged to take orders, and a child who wasn’t schooled in the art of logic. How did someone like that become a paladin? Eh, he had seen worse examples. “Correct, my brother.”
Cuthbert leaned in closer, half expecting to inhale rotted guts in proximity. Nope. It was weird, the pair smelled like.. Like nothing. Just blank. Everything had a smell. Cuth reminded himself that he should share his Sandalwood perfume with them later. “I don’t think we’re related, unless the top bit of your ears fell off.”
“We are all brothers and sisters in the Light.”
“Even your girlfriend?”
Murrey looked to Ariel, “That’s my wife.”
“And your sister!”
There was sometimes no arguing with the meatheaded Cuth. Murrey, despite needing to draw no breath in his frail undead body, sighed. “Correct. Though, I don’t imagine the Blood Knights would take kindly to the Argents pulling from their ranks.”
Cuth scratched at the back of his head, “Uhh.. Yeah, but I already quit so.. You know. Lookin at asplorin’ new Orders. Remember when we all worked together to stop the Legion from blowing up the planet? I want more of that, less of, you know, fighting over which kingdom is best. Quel’thalas is. Everyone else can argue over second place, but no need to start a war over it. You know?”
Ariel’s dried purple tongue began to stretch and flap around as her voice carried forward, annoyed, “That kind of attitude isn’t becoming of an aspirant of the Argent Crusade. How exactly did you leave the Blood Knight order? Would they take you back?”
Cuth’s golden eyes rolled up as his imagination took him back to that fateful morning just last week.
--
One of his superior officers was at her desk, doing nerdwork or something. He had slid his plated boots across the floor, scooting backwards as he strummed his lute. “I quit. I don’t like fighting other paladins. This whole last war was kodo shite, so I’m outtie 5000 baby.”
Jessandra had gritted her teeth in reply, a growl escaping in a waft of hot angry breath. She had always hated Cuthie’s guts ever since he left her wanting more outside the tavern that night when the ‘more prettier’ girl had interrupted their date. “That isn’t how this works, Cuthbert. There are papers to be fi-”
Cuth strummed louder on his lute, singing at the top of his lungs, “Fuck you and you and yooooou. I hate your friends and they hate me too. I’m through. I’m through. I’m throoough. This that Hot Cuth Bummer Anthem, listen up and throw a tantrum!”
It hadn’t stopped there. Cuth strummed and sung and bounced his bootylicious plated buttocks out the Blood Knight’s office doors in musical fashion. Dancing and strumming down the streets he would sing as loudly as possible, “THIS THAT HOT CUTH BUMMER ANTHEM, LISTEN UP AN THROW A TANTRUM!”
--
Cuth blinked to the pair of Forsaken, “Probably not. My boss was the real jealous type, super unraisinable.”
“Un- raisin-able?”
“Yeah, you know how everyone hates raisins? She was like that.”
The duo of Argent Mages shared a look before Murrey spoke up again, “Fiine. We’re workin the portal room this afternoon. We’ll get you where you need to go, just. Be kind to everyone you meet, okay? Even if they are different than you.”
Cuth rolled his eyes, “Psh, I’m the kindest most self blessed person you’ve ever met. I talk to everyone, even ugly people. Like, I’ve got zero problem talking to you two, and everyone knows that the Forsaken are some of the scummiest people in the world. -That- is how kind -I- am. Just sayin’.”
