2003 Phoenix Arizona.
I am playing kelly dolls on the cold concrete floor. My sister is busy trying to finish her science fair project. They are in the kitchen fighting. He calls her names and slams things around. It probably about money, it usually is. I focus deeper into my imaginary world. But in this imaginary world, it is not all rainbows and daisies. It’s a dark world with bad people that do bad things. But I like the bad people. I let them come and take me away. Because at least if they take me away, I won’t be here anymore. With him.
They stop fighting and my mom dutifully goes back to her endless tasks as his wife. Now it is time for my least favorite part of the day, shower time. He takes me into the bathroom and makes me strip. I am developing already and have little baby hairs starting to grow on my privates. Little baby breasts are starting to poke out. I know I am much too old to still have to shower with my father. “It saves water,” he says. I reluctantly get in the shower with him and he washed my body for me. He likes to put shaving cream on my breast and privates then watch me wash it off. He never touches me anywhere else though, never “inappropriately.” We finish our shower and he dries me off with the same towel he just dried his privates with. I don’t understand why he does this to me, control I guess…
I quickly dress and go back to playing with my dolls. Some might say a nine year old shouldn't be playing with dolls still, but it is my safe place; a place where I can be in control. In today’s game of dolls, little Emily was kidnapped, raped, and impregnated. But she chose to stay with the man and raise the baby. Some control huh... I quickly dress and go back to playing with my dolls. Some might say a nine year old shouldn't be playing with dolls still, but it is my safe place; a place where I can be in control. In today’s game of dolls, little Emily was kidnapped, raped, and impregnated. But she chose to stay with the man and raise the baby. Some control huh...