Alpha Female?!
Hmmm... imagine I was talking to a guy friend about a situation and he called me an "alpha female" ... Almost said it in a way where he expected I already knew... But I didn't. I know who I am, but I've never found a term that describes it. After researching exactly what this meant; if you're anything like me, this means reading articles until you fall asleep with phone and glass in hand (t'is the season to be jolly)... Part of me initially felt a little sad, because I wasn't aware and maybe because I think to some degree, I try and suppress it. I hate being known or feeling exposed unless I choose to expose my true self; but it's probably something that most people know about me, regardless of me trying to hide it. I can think back to a few situations, where I now realise that others saw this and I didn't. Usually because they want me to be a manager, whereas I want to blend into the background; I don't like people just giving me things cause they like me or think I'm attractive. I like to have earned it by my standards, not realising that I have already earned it by way of my standards. I also didn't realise it, cause if I'm honest, I like 'playing submissive'; I like when a man can articulately put me in my place (huge turn on), I like men that look like men and exercise their authority of self. So I didn't associate these qualities with being alpha at all, but apparently these qualities make me an alpha submissive. Interesting... Most important thing I realised when reading all of this, is that I like who I am and I don't apologise for my way of being. I'm a good girl and whilst I'm not easy, I know that I only add value to those I love. If ever I was going to second guess myself; it would be because I don't like my Son, as he is the biggest reflection of me, but I like who he is. A child that knows his own mind, protective and affectionate. So whilst all of the articles I read suggest I may struggle with love, even if that's to be my reality; I would rather be true to myself than settle based on a fear of being alone.