Top Five Blorbos!
HIIIII!!!
Woo five blorbos...hmm
Imma fuck this one up a bit because we're blorbafying people and cities as well as THE CHARACTER. Fuck the rules, blorbos can be whatever the fuck I want! :3
Zahīr ud-Dīn Muhammad (Babur)
The founder of the Mughal Empire and a guy who wrote extensively on his many failures. His autobiography the Baburnama is honestly so so fun to read, this guy has sass for days and measures a man's worth and attractiveness based entirely on how gifted he was in poetry. Don't mention losing Samarkand or the Fergana Valley or our most beloved Andijan THREE TIMES! Look, the melons might not be as good in Dehli or Kabul but at least you managed to KEEP THEM!
Anyway, I should start learning Chagatai if I want more info.
2. Timur
This guy! This guy so much! This guy! Look, how am I not gonna stan a guy who uses "Skull Pyramid in attack mode" as a primary form of intimidation? How am I not going to stan a guy who fucked the Iranian plateau, Afghanistan and Central Asia in the mouth? This guy stanned Temujin (Chinggis Khan) so hard he scoured the land to find a wife who was a direct descendant of the guy just to hold down his legitimacy. Something about "Hey me and that guy share an ancestor waaaaaay back" doesn't quite hit as well as "I'm a descendant of Chinggis Khan". Who the fuck is Tumbinai Khan anyway dude? Oh did I mention he suffered a leg injury early in his career and had to do a world mount whilst using a cane?
This guy can create an entire Central Asian Renaissance before the Europeans even knows what's whacking them over the head.
We do not speak about Khwarazm. (See skull pyramid)
3. Samarkand
This is me being a fucking dork about the Timurids and their art and architecture (which you might notice is what all the above art works except the bust belong to).
Look I love anything and everything about the Silk Road and Samarkand and Sogdiana was its heart. This is the birthplace of the Timurid Renaissance and thusly, the birthplace of the European one too (it was sparked through trade and plagues).
A city that had until very recently been the centre of trade from Asia, Africa, Europe and the Indian subcontinent. I will visit before I die.
4. Essahaddon/Assarhaddon
King of Assyria and everywhere else! No he will not hear of you're bullshit- get invaded! Yo, you weren't expected to inherit anything because you were the youngest son of Sennacherib but somehow managed to gain the position through being lit! So your brothers decide to wage a six-week long civil war only to get dead coz he's just that fucking good! Yo, did you just give women the most political power they've had since the Bronze Age? Maybe it's because you don't trust your male relatives to not be greedy fuck ups, or maybe your wife and daughters were just better at administrating a state instead.
My man has an unspecified chronic illness, he's paranoid and he's apparently got wacked by the depression stick. Yet he still manages to fuck everyone up the ass so thoroughly that he even managed to wrestle Egypt and Libya off the Kushites and slap around Elam a bit. He ensures a peaceful succession and his son, Ashurbanipal created the greatest library of ancient Near Eastern texts the world has ever known. (This is your Library of Alexandria, it's in Nineva). Neo-Assyria became a superpower under both their watch.
5. Ya boi
Congratulations! All the people here are my influences for my main mang that I commandeered from an NPC. Ensirhaddon'Sul-Sero Teldryn am'Urshilaku is a sum of all parts. He eventually does wield a reckoning against Vvardenfell and may have made the settled Dunmer remember why they used to fear Ashlander raids.
Then watch him crumble after losing it all. Yeah, he beat the Sharmat, but at what cost? Why can't he just be allowed to retire already?
Leave the Nerevarine to his misery.
Ask me my Top 5/Top 10 anything and i'll fuck up the answer for you!
