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#SONGS ABOUT GAY LOVE MY BELOVED #I LOVE BRYCE XAVIER SM #jay's bullshit #also sob #this sonf #Spotify

Welp, consider me severely underslept; my sleep was broken last night. It was a make or break night of necessary rest to get me caught up with the sleep I’ve lost during the past week. So. Today we lay on the couch, ignore our hunger pains because we’re too exhausted to eat, and snort coffee in hopes of replenishing any ounce of liveliness 🙂

#also sob #because were too tired to regulate our emotions #and stay away from the BF because I will murder him as it is his carelessness that cost me this sleep #the sleep debt is real and I’m decaying #.txt

but like seriously he’s my first friend I’ve had around here in for fucking ever, I’ve known him awhile but we only started hanging out this fall, and we’ve been spending loads of time together

we swing form holy shit we get along perfectly to kind of cringey because I have 0 social grace and I have a really really hard time reading him sometimes

all I know is that we give each other shit a lot but sometimes with him, I think I get a bit too much but I can’t tell if he’s ‘joking’ or genuinely being an ass

and I get frustrated because we actually get along well and I’m not sure why he hangs around so much outside of this house being conveniently located (he likes everyone else well enough but I am like..60%-80% of his company?)

and ugh

I’ve straight up told a few people that sometimes i GENUINELY don’t know what his deal is and their response is “what do you want his deal to be? Do you want to go out with him?”

and I’m just like...what? I just want to know whether or not I’m tolerable on a friend level why is everyone assuming that we’re dating? People who have never met me assume that we’re dating...even though I have two sisters he could be dating, everyone assumes me...I don’t know how they KNOW me because half the people in this damn town don’t know I exist. And people who have seen us together for 5 seconds assume we’re dating too and I’m not sure what to do with any of this

#because it's 50/50 #sigh #also sob #like...wtf #personal #anxiety