Today was a rough day. We got a new principal this year and they're changing a log of things (some for good, some for bad), and today I got an answer to an important question that wasn't exactly what I wanted.
My school is so different than general ed that I often forget what it's like to work at a regular school. It's almost as if I forget that principals can sometimes not give you everything you want, or that your school's policy doesn't support the reasons you became a teacher. I keep wanting to scream, "...but... these kids are so important!" before remembering that ever kid is important. My frustration towards change can't be any more important than the frustration every passionate teacher must feel 1000x a day.
I was foolish enough to believe that by working in alternative ed I would be working with a different set of rules. And last year I was so spoiled- a huge classroom budget (upwards of $400), a supervisor constantly saying that meeting these kids emotionally was more important than meeting them academically, and having the two other teachers at my site be my go to pals. Nearly all of that has changed in only one year. Smaller budget (still huge considering), new administration (coming from a site that's further down the spectrum than ours with incredibly high standars), and new coworkers.
Honestly, I can't be upset. I'm not allowed to be. I've got it SO FREAKING GOOD because I get paid to spend time with some of the most outrageously fantastic students in the world. It's just so hard sometimes when I have to look them in their beautiful eyes and try to convince them that the world is worth giving a second chance to when all I want to do is run from that same world. No matter what changes continue to unfold this year, I want to try to twist my uncertainty into love for my students. Whatever happens and however much it hurts can't take away from the reason I am in this profession.
I'm not here to be perfect. I'm here to make middle schoolers life-long-badasses.
