#always missing her

[omgitscass]

[bakersjames]

LAST SUMMER | THIS SUMMER

[bvcmhere]

Happy fathers day to George and Ryan ❤️

[omgitscass]

how am I supposed to text you back when all I want to say is I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you……….

[omgitscass]

unsure why I’m being punished for loving you.

I’m not sorry.

[omgitscass]

(yeah, I’m writing when I’m bitter,

guess I never was a quitter.)

this is the withdraw that triggers withdrawal.

I should be an expert in missing you by now,

I should be proficient in being alone.

but your absence still leaves me breathless,

smoke stings my eyes and it fills up my lungs.

this ring burns like the bridges you’ve ignited,

but it’s fused to my skin plus it’s all I have left.

you turn your back as I try to keep speaking,

you walk away and I go up in flames.

my heart pounds in my chest without permission.

against my will, it beats just for you.

still every thought of you is like self-betrayal,

a knife in my back that I put there myself.

just where exactly do my loyalties lie now?

I’m a traitor to myself as I wait here,

stretched out over a line that I’ve drawn in the sand.

your flowery fabrications designed to placate,

your words far heavier than my expectations,

it just felt so fucking real but I guess I’m a joke.

why make me think that I could ever be loved?

why make me think that it could ever be you?

did you stay for the progress I represented?

did you stay for as long as you did ‘cause I’m kind?

did you stay because you felt I needed your pity?

or did you just stay to say that you tried?

now I can’t trust my own recollection.

did I dream you into existence that day?

as an unreliable narrator, I must face these truths:

if you were there, it was only to deceive me,

if you were there, it was to string me along.

the only thing I can say with certainty is

it isn’t the espresso that’s left a bitter taste in my mouth.

[omgitscass]

I hope you learn to accept that you deserve the love that you give to others…but more than that, I selfishly hope that you find your way back to me.

[omgitscass]

I am as constant as the tide,

an unending churn and an underlying risk.

at the water’s edge, I find you.

your tentative footsteps lost on the shore,

a siren’s call to come closer,

one that you should have ignored.

here I confess my selfish intentions:

to have and to hold but also to keep me afloat.

and instead, you are ripped underwater.

instead, I am relentless in my destruction of you.

like the sand, you’ve slipped through my fingers.

like the coast, you’re too soon out of sight.

like the darkness, I’m here to surround you,

and with me, you just can’t find the light.

I crash into you without mercy,

my clumsy attempts at showing you love.

safety must feel so far now,

and you can’t see below or above.

you can swim, but do you remember?

you are so strong, but you’ve never been told.

the ones before me chose silence,

now they’ve gone and left you in the cold.

still, soon you will stand on an island,

able to breathe and be warmed by the sun.

you’ll find the peace you deserve there,

you can rest now and not have to run.

and in time, you may again test the waters,

hesitant steps without getting too close,

but will I still be a part of your ocean?

or will my memory haunt you like a ghost?

I guess it’s still too soon to know…