Apr 19, 2025
misophonia + sensory issues are torture. i'm so tired of all of this.
#misophonia#i'm so tired of being so triggered by sounds. can't function day to day without plugging my ears 98% of the time#trying not to relapse in sh and skin scratching but it completely fell through over hearing a spoon hit a glass bowl#i think dealing with noise triggers is one of the hardest things to cope with. i just cannot do it#i've tried watching mukbangs & people using utensils my whole life to adjust and “get over it” as so many have told me to#but oh my fucking god i can't i want to smash my head into a wall until i can't hear anymore#i've spent so long isolating and avoiding everything just so i can't hear trigger noises#even in therapy my therapist played audio that triggers me & tried to do tapping exercises to help#but i fear i'm doomed#i wanna vomit tbh. this makes life hell. it makes me feel so stupid#also makes me feel childish with people because their responses are always like “you should have grown out of this by now”#because my whole life it's been “you'll grow out of it” i genuinely looked forward to that day where i would grow out of it....#desperately couldn't wait for my time but now since being diagnosed with autism + adhd & learning more ik it's just stuck with me#i can't grow out of neurodevelopmental disorder or symptoms. i have sm grief w this diagnosis bc it can't be 'fixed' i thought everything#could be fixed one day... even seeing certain movements triggers hearing the sound in my head when it isn't there. i can't rest.#repetitive movements also bother me and make me want to rip my hair out#like i wish my brain would chill and give me a break. i try so hard to mask everything too around people but i still fall through so much#it's so exhausting#i'm so frustrated and tired#i want to throw up.#i also despise when i've communicated this to people close to me & they'll say they understand + tell me their triggers to relate to me...#then when i have to hang up out of panic on a call... or put my earplugs in in front of someone while talking.. meltdown.. or walk off-#i'm then met with confusion / irritation / anger despite communicating a million times#people are valid to get tired of me over these things. i get that. it's excessive & frustrating. i'm tired of me + these issues too.#but i wish people that said they understood... really did.#i've been called dramatic for years and yeah it is very dramatic. it's fucking awful and has ruined so much for me.#i have huge emotions over it. i'm glad people can brush it off as dramatic and not personally deal with it.#i just laugh and claim the dramatic title a lot of the time because those who say it just really don't understand. it's lonely. i'm so alon#always will be.#dx journey feelings
