#alyssas face

[axiolotl]

ok shut up i look hot

[axiolotl]

anyway mods asleep post gender euphoria selfies

[axiolotl]

anyway i had one of those moments where i looked in the mirror and I saw....Me. like...closer to who I am ...it's matching!!! euphoria!!!! YES!!!

WOOOO

[axiolotl]

i was reading while eating breakfast on my porch when my dog came by and pooped outside 😔

[axiolotl]

pov: you're my family and mistakenly think im cis

[axiolotl]

pov: i just woke up and ur my phone while i check my notifs

pov: sun too bright

[axiolotl]

was binding the other day and felt good :)

[axiolotl]

cw: gender discussion/feminity

in all seriousness, dressing for the grand finals are the best examples of how obsessed I was with performing feminity and my absolute fear of being perceived as a man. i was so worried that all the "sportsy" stuff would make me, a fat woman (at the time), look ugly and masculine and i Needed to be seen as A Woman.

i wore fucking spanx the first year, to a SWEATY SPORTS EVENT, obsessively put on make up (making us late), and was constantly worried about my hair.

the second year i went alone and cared less w minimal make up, but I painted my nails to Make Sure People Knew, but deffo was more comfy and just chilled

and i realize now how often putting on make up was out of guilt and fear, but also how much more comfortable i was last year

this year? this year, god, I feel so great. I'm a jock e boy i don't CARE. it just hurts to think how long i was afraid, something that I thought was just the pain of being a fat woman was actually the pain of being trans masc forced and constantly criticized for not performing enough feminity and being constantly uncomfortable & conscious of what people saw me as

like look at this fit damn. i thought I was close to confidence, but it wasn't even CLOSE to what i feel now