[ september 17, 2020 : after lockdown ] [ @royisms ]
After the Secret Service Agent finally let Charlie out of the small and near claustrophobic room with a number of people Charlie didn’t know, Charlie made a beeline for the main ballroom again, hoping they would find Amanda moving out and back into the open space again. Their heart had lurched as soon as they had heard the gunshot. If it was an active shooter situation... Well, Charlie was always more than hyper-aware of violence. Once they had been secured in a small side room, Charlie’s brain immediately went to the people they cared about in the room - Amanda, a couple of his team members that happened to tag along today, Augustus (yes, he cursed himself admitting that one), but also Julian. Despite the fact that neither of them completely saw eye to eye in terms of legislation - Charlie’s ideas always just a little too radical for Julian to completely agree on in public - Charlie knew that no one wanted to see another President dead. They thought about reaching for their phone before thinking better of it, especially if there was someone out in the halls. Still, even if they wanted to, their pockets were empty, phone sitting on the table Charlie had left their handbag on.
After what felt like an eternity, Charlie rushed into the main room, heels clicking more than quickly to try to spot Amanda, the one person they knew who could calm them down from the near panic attacks they had endured for the duration of the lockdown. When they couldn’t see her at first, they panicked, immediately bolting to their phone to send a text to make sure she was okay. He saw a missed call from her, a text from Augustus, too (which surprised Charlie, to say the least) before he looked up and saw her blonde hair moving into the room. “Amanda, thank god,” Charlie said, phone falling onto the table, a couple of tears running down their cheeks as they didn’t even wait, wrapping their arms around her, a wave of relief washing over them.
[ september 26, 2020 - charlie’s birthday party ] [ @royisms ]
Only on rare occasions did Charlie find themselves getting both high and drunk at the same time, and their 35th birthday was one of them. An edible and a half deep into the night and two glasses of champagne deep, Charlie smiled when they saw Amanda walk through the door. If they were any more coherent, Charlie might have controlled what was coming out of their mouth, but their heels took them towards the blonde without a second though, smile wide on their face as they approached and adjusted their top. Charlie really was thankful to see her, especially after the harsh interaction they’d had a week and a half ago. “Miss Roy, I’m glad you could make it,” they said cordially, adjusting their playful birthday crown that Adri had placed on their head the moment she walked in. “Can this birthday babe get a hug, pretty please?” they chuckled, breaking character, arms extending outward as they winked playfully.
Charlie knew that tonight was probably one of the last chances for them to get in touch with some of the senators and representatives that were on the fence about his bill, but that didn’t mean a small glass of champagne needed to be absent from his hand. Just one tonight, though. They absolutely did not need a repeat of the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.
Out of the corner of their eye, they spotted a familiar blonde darting through the crowd before quickly making their way into their path. “Running away from me or towards all the other problems you probably have to deal with tonight?” Charlie joked playfully. “You look stunning, Ames. Stellar choice on the outfit.”
ok so i’m out at margot’s and i haven’t shaved my face in like two days
apparently i look like a fuckboy ?
they threw one of joseph’s baseball caps on my head to prove it.
i need your executive opinion
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“ and i walked off you ....
and i walked off an old me. “
- alaska, maggie rogers
a series of breakups and an uncertainty
seven months:
natural brunette; chin
sometimes life decides to hand you a shitty set of cards every now and then - and for charlie, that was olivia. it’s not hard to be a decent human being, but some people just can’t seem to see past their own tunnel vision. at first, things started off fine. olivia and charlie were each other’s first serious relationship outside of high school. homecoming parties and hiding liquor in mini fridges and sneaking into each other’s buildings late at night had become a staple of the early months of university and their relationship. halfway through, things started to change. charlie began to think about what gender really meant to them. how much more at home they felt in between binaries rather than stuck in one. they confided in olivia, told her that they wanted to experiment with themselves, their presentation, their existence. the last two months of their relationship was more damaging than charlie would ever care to admit - constant belittling, controlling outfits and behaviour. looking back on it, charlie didn’t know why they didn’t leave before it got as bad as it did. maybe charlie was holding out hope, that maybe she’d see it, that she’d change. they wore a dress one day and olivia spat a handful of slurs at them. they asked if she had a problem with who they were.. when she said she did, charlie knew she wasn’t the person he wanted to be with. not now, not ever. they haven’t spoken since.
a year and seven months:
natural brunette; shoulders
connor was charlie’s first real heartbreak. lasting a year longer than their last, they traded heartbreak and harm for hand holding and hot sex. sparks flew between their fingertips and between their lips. until, that is, a picture of connor and a boy charlie doesn’t know popped up on their phone. the words roll off of charlie’s lips: “was i not good enough for you?” and “you could have said something…” and “i thought we talked to each other about things…” because that’s the thing - charlie wouldn’t have cared if he knew. but he didn’t. he saw connor from across the bar the night after their breakup, dancing with the boy from the picture. they caught eyes for a moment, and charlie moved on.
a year and two months:
dark chocolate brown; shoulderblades
aliya is sweet, really, but the two of them are just that. they match intellectually, and challenge each other to insightful debates, but there’s something missing between them the entire time they’re together. it’s as if a full relationship is just ever so slightly out of reach. it’s not something either of them were ready to navigate, though, and they stay together a little too long. when they break, it’s clean.
three years, eleven months and 29 days:
dark brunette; bangs.
drew and charlie could have gotten married. after almost four years together, the two of them knew each other like the back of their hand. in the beginning, there’s something about them that just clicks, two gears turning in perfect synchronicity with each other. new york is expensive, and a year and a half into their relationship, they move in together, but after a while the stress starts to weather them down. they spend the last six months disagreeing on the future, on marriage, on kids. drew is ready to settle down and charlie’s career is just taking off. they fight about the time charlie spends away from home, about how tired charlie always is, the long hours and the late nights. charlie doesn’t understand why drew is asking him to change at first. in the heat of the moment, charlie tells drew that their company wants to move them out to dc. they ask drew to come with them. but roots are roots, and up and leaving home isn’t easy for either of them. in the end, the timing works out. charlie moves to DC the next week, alone, on their four year anniversary.
single nights:
blonde; chin.
after drew, it’s hard to settle down again. they do what anyone would after a four year long relationship and change their appearance. in a new city, on their own, with the comfort of whoever is willing to be next to them, it’s in these cracks that charlie begins to find themselves a little more, but four years of learning how to love as a pair and having that disappear takes its toll on charlie’s heart. he meets a boy named parker who is willing to love him for all the broken pieces he has. a girl named penelope. oscar. lucas. andi. finn. the names start to blur together after a while. some are kinder than others. some meet charlie halfway. others leave him before he wakes up.
six months:
dirty brunette; shoulders.
charlie most certainly did not travel to washington to get fucked over by an oil executive (both figuratively and literally), but here we are. hans is six months of something charlie isn’t sure of. secrets are kept but charlie is content with being a warm body and having one to hold. at least now the body is familiar. a drunken night at the bar turns into take me home turns into feelings charlie did not plan on catching for the businessman who sits across from him, both of their tall frames perched on the counter in charlie’s narrow kitchen. it doesn’t take long for charlie to discover the strawberry blonde’s familiar disdain for seating, and charlie welcomes the chaos. but he can tell he’s hurting. the scars on his body and the way charlie figures out how to move his lips might be two physical signs, but charlie can see the cracks underneath the surface, bubbling, boiling, even if hans would never say it out loud. they don’t prod where they aren’t welcome, so charlie teaches hans the language that comes with being trusted to learn their body past a one night stand instead. it all comes crashing down when all of a sudden hans shows his cards. as charlie is about to tell hans he thinks he’s really falling for him, charlie feels their blood run cold as hans whispers, “thanks for the advantage.”
charlie has never forgiven themself for trusting too easily. i guess that’s politics for you.
nine months:
golden brunette; mid-back.
amanda happens here and they are a mess of whirlwind romance and crazy nights and wine and laughter. the chemistry was instantaneous, but timing is everything. nine months into the relationship, they find themselves too busy for each other. disappointment sits with charlie for a while - there’s something about the way the two of them just connect that he can’t seem to shake. she knows how to make them laugh, to comfort them. they could tell she was cautious at first - they’ve partially come to expect that - but they appreciate the way they can just be around her. she knew how to touch him in ways he wasn’t quite sure he expected - heart, mind and body and she’s the first girl who really brings them to their knees. it’s no surprise that after their lives get too busy to keep up with each other they find themselves in each other’s bed a few more times again. the pair make sure their feelings for each other are platonic when they get intimate again, but charlie can’t help but wonder where he and amanda would be if they met in an alternate universe, some other timeline, and he wonders if sometimes she thinks about this too. maybe there’s another world where charlie didn’t run for congress, and they stayed together after they matched on tinder. maybe they met at a coffee shop and connected in a way that neither ever expected. maybe he’s proposed to her by now, or maybe they never met at all. charlie’s hard pressed to think of a world where he doesn’t have who he considers his best friend, so they’re content with where they are: with two am calls and drunk nights playing with each other’s hair and sleepovers as if they were children. timing really is everything, isn’t it?
one two nights:
sandy brunette; mid back.
they were familiar faces. friends. a birthday party and some alcohol leads to the lockwood heir on their lap, charlie’s tipsy hands wrapping around adrian’s waist. one thing leads to another before charlie finds adrian as the party wraps up, lets their hand move into the small of adrian’s back. asks him if they’ve misread the signs or if he wants to spend the night together. they are uncertainty and not-quite romance and a single messy night and following morning. charlie’s list of white house staff he’s slept with is growing a little too long for their liking, but sometimes these things happen. he’s glad there’s no recuperative period like with him and amanda. adrian and charlie fall back into their pattern of being friends quickly, and inside jokes about their one night of intimacy litter their conversations every now and then. it happens one more time, a random afternoon. but they both know where the line is, and know where it needs to stay. they say a little bit of spontaneity is good for the soul.
tbd:
milk chocolate; mid back.
it’s not unlike charlie to give in too easily to people. charlie’s history is littered with bad choices and attempts at mending broken parts. so when the republican senator send sunflowers to his desk, charlie’s a little more surprised and more intrigued than he wants to be. the timing is cosmic, the crumpled up number is in their hands when the bouquet arrives. so they send a text. wait moments for a reply. all of a sudden there’s an offer on the table that confuses charlie. for a while they’re not sure what to make of it, the fear that it’s some sort of setup dominating their brain. or maybe the idea that it’s genuine is what scares them more. they show up late and before charlie can even register what happened, they are fixing their lipstick in the locker room, silently cursing themselves for wearing a skirt so tight today. their heels lead them to a dinner date and a stroll through FDR and they’re not sure what to make of it. not sure if this time is different or charlie is just falling for the same tricks again. but for now they’ll let the game play out.
and maybe, just maybe, sometimes people will surprise you.
