I wasnt going to leave the house that day, That wasnt the plan at all, it was cold and windy, and all but the last leaves had fallen from the trees.
Joey had asked me to come see him, I just guessed he needed to talk about something.
I walked up to his porch and his front door was swinging open loosly, the over whelming pungent smell of marijuana drifted all the way up the block.
We nearly collided as he walked out as I tried to walked in. He had me walk with him up the street as he lit a awkwardly shapped joint while we walked his dog.
We didnt say anything for several minutes, just puffed away. I could tell something was bothering him, he wouldnt look at me and he had pain on his face. I thought something terrible must had happened to him.
Just as I was about to open my mouth to voice my question, his eyes snapped to mine. And he said very sternly, although not unkindly.
"I know you're not okay" " And i know you haven't been for a long time"
I froze, shocked. I didnt know how to react, i thought i was decent at hiding my emotions. I didnt know whether or not to deny it, to keep trying trying to keep this charade up.
I didnt get to make the choice, tears sprang to my eyes. And l started crying, silently. Tears rolled down wetting my cheeks.
I never expected this with Joey, he had always been a friend, but i didnt think he actually cared. That changed when he embraced me, he held me tight.
And I hated myself for it. I hated for being so weak. For showing somebody that.
I made myself breath steadily, I made myself dry my cheeks and eyes, I made myself break the contact with him.
He looked at me sadly, he wanted to help but didnt know how. And neither did I. He told me to be safe, he told me to not do anything stupid. He told me he was there for me.
Then we parted ways, there was nothing else to do, and nothing else to say.