Ooooook I'm back because, much like my last post, I have a lot on my mind and I need somewhere to blindly type and post without people actually knowing about it :) you know :) nah but this time it's not a big deal, I've made a decision, it is Talyn, the guy who I've had a crush on forEVER and also works where I work. And let me tell you ummm I don't even know what to say because it's been so long since I've just been like head over heels?? For someone? In the history of ever? Like I haven't felt this way about someone since Connor. Literally I feel the same way I did when Connor and I were at this stage in our relationship. Which was like, the very beginning, but my point is it's like, we hangout and the time flies by and we're laughing and having cute moments and planning for our next hangout and I never want it to end and it's so hard to say goodbye and we stall at the door and then I sit on the couch after he leaves with this big stupid smile on my face and I think about him all the time and I want to tell everyone about him. AND I know he feels the same way because we were both as nervous and both as giddy about each other as the other is and it just feels right. I'm nervous but also all of my other worries are just thrown out the window. I just know I'm going to be so sad if something happens, like if he just decides he's not into it anymore or anything really I'd just be sad, and I hope I'd be able to feel like this again for someone else but it's just been so long since I've actually had feelings for someone I'm trying to date or get to know in that way. I just want it to go good. I really like him. I know if it keeps going this good and progressing like it has been I'm gonna fall in love with the man. In like two months tops. And I'm gonna lose my damn mind if that happens. I already feel like I'm living in a dream and I'm just waiting to wake up. Fuck. FUCK
Otherwise with the other guy, I liked him and then I hung out with Talyn and it just turned it all off for me. Like I just don't even care about anyone else, I like Talyn so fucking much that I just wanna look at his face and kiss him and all that super fun cutesy relationshipy type stuff. But I haven't talked to him about it yet. I was gonna bring it up one night and it wasn't right and I got really anxious and didn't do it, just left. He talks to me every day and I respond but we only talk for a little bit before I stop responding, and I haven't seen him in a couple weeks now. So I think I'll just message him and say I didn't mean to get distant but I didn't know how to bring up the fact that I'm just not into it and I don't want anything sexual or romantic with him, I just need to do it. Maybe tomorrow after work, I hate leaving him hanging so much.
Fuck. I really like talyn. I just wanna be around him oh my god