May 18, 2023
this song is so gentle and at the same time so brutal and raw, it hurts my soul and in a second it sows it back together without anesthesia i cant
yes i cry to this song
seen from United States
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this song is so gentle and at the same time so brutal and raw, it hurts my soul and in a second it sows it back together without anesthesia i cant
yes i cry to this song
I love breakcore playlists with anime girls on obscure backgrounds
Tw weight numbers, ed not sheeran and ex vent
I lost like 3 kgs?? In 3 days? Since the break up. It feels right, which is scary. I really thought that im healed and outside of the ana shit. I wasn't as active on here, which i took as a good sign. I am fully pro recovery, but oh god. Why does relapsing feels so comforting.
It really is only mental, like losing weight is just a symptom, its not the goal, but its a way for me to measure my pain. The more i lose, the more i feel like Im healing. Even if i feel my heart struggling, and my mind becoming foggy.
I didn't want to relapse pfff... I really thought i healed my relationship with food and my body, and i kind of did. But this break up just undid all of it. All the hard work.
But maybe, if i relapsed so quickly, maybe i didn't heal as much as i thought i did.
Tbh it's not even about how i look, i just like to punish myself by not eating, controlling something that people can't force on me.
Ppl can force a career onto me, my life path, make me fall in love and then abandon me, make me feel helpless, manipulate me,,, whatever. They can't force food down my throat when I don't want to.
Food is just such a basic thing to need, that when you refuse it, people just don't know what to do. They get confused, think its just about losing weight, looking better. They can't grasp that I'd refuse the one thing that keeps me alive.
I feel like ppl have more understanding of suicide than EDs... When its similar in many ways.
Just a loss of control over your life.
Anyway i guess ill watch skins for the 100th time.
Ill be fine, i just need to cope somehow.
Take care whoever is reading this <33
Just begged for him to come back but i got rejected pfff, gently, so it's okay.
He told me he's already moving on and comforted me, so...
From now on, I'm entering my heartless bitch era. Fuck everyone. I need a cigarette
Just saw a glowworm again after years of not seeing one. We also call them "will-o'-the-wisp" or "lightbearer" sometimes in our language. The bugs are hideous but at night when you can only see their flickering light you will inevitably forget they're bugs at all.
So pretty. Magical. Summer is officially here.
i travelles by train for the first time alone. im very adult now. I'm actually quite proud bcs i was freaking out about it, i had to change trains bc its not a straight link and it Was stressful but i managed and now im here sooo. points for me
tw sui…. mentioned
im sick, have a sore throat n had fever yesterday, an hour ride by bus to uni, sat in class for two hours, my period and cramps started (4 days earlier) in the middle of it, waited for another class for hour n a half, had that lecture for two more hours, got bad news about a future exam, went home (1 hr), walked my dog with period cramps, took a painkiller, watched yt, full on broke down when brushing my teeth, said good night to my parents and now im here. i haven’t been suicidal for months now. it’s back.
my friend that I haven't seen for a few years told me that i have a soft and pleasant voice. that's it. I've peaked, it doesn't get better than this.