Mini Fanfic #1364: The Unsung Hero/Uncle (SSBU X Star Fox X Darkstalkers)
It was a dark, gloomy day in the Underworld and most of the poor souls present are having a miserable, torturous time trapped inside the never-ending hell hole for all eternity.....
.....All except for their lord and (completely not so) savior, Hades, who is seen inside his luxurious lair happily humming to a morning tone as he gets himself ready for the day (he thinks) he'll finally be accepted into the newly formed Certified Uncles group from the other side.
Once he got out of the showers after a few minutes, brush his teeth, combed his glorious hair into a shorter, more dad-ish style, and got into more, casual sophisticated clothes (light pink colored shirt, shorts, and a pair of reading glasses he barely wears up until this point), he creates a dark portal from the palm of his hand and transports himself into LeBlanc Café, where the rest of the appointed uncles and self-appointed auntie, Morrigan, are now seen socializing with one another.
Hades: Heeeeeeere's-(Hops Out of his Portal with a Big Grin on his Face) Hades!!~
Gang: (Turns to Hades For Three Seconds Before Waving at Him, Completely Disinterested by his Presence Altogether) Heyyy, Hades....
Rodin: Good grief. (Went Back to Reading his Newspaper)
Hades: Now, now~ No need to feel all bored and gloom now that your fellow, more superior uncle has arrived- (Shows off the Clothes he's Wearing) With this marvelous attire to boot!~
Rodin: What you suppose to be?~ (Lowers his Shades Down to Show Off his Raised Eyebrow Towards the Underworld God) Some creepy looking muthafucker from the suburbs?
Hades: (Points and Motions his Finger Down Towards Rodin While Winking) A HANDSOME motherfucker to be more accurate, my guy. Gotta make myself look more uncle-like somehow.
Escargoon: (Raises an Eyebrow at Hades as Well) More uncle-like?
Hades: (Sighs While Rolling his Eyes) Yes, Slugman, to fit into Uncles crowd. Do try to keep up next time.
Escargoon: I have a name, Hades.
Hades: I know. It's stupid. (Walks Up to the Bar) The one I just came up with far more better.
Escargoon: (Sighs While Facepalming Himself) Why do I even bother?
Sojiro: (Preparing Hades' Coffee From Behind the Counter) I take it you want another black coffee today, Hades?
Hades: You guessed it, Sojiro my man! As black as my dark, majestic soul~
Sojiro: (Rolls his Eyes) Highly doubt it's majestic, but- (Hands Hades his Cup of Black Coffee) Here you go.
Hades: (Takes One Sip of his Coffee Before Letting Out a Satisfied Sounding Sigh) Good stuff~ Turns his Attention to Morrigan with a Seductive Smirk on his Face) Ooh~ And speaking of which, has there ever been a day where you don't look this fine as eternal hell right now, Morrigan dear?~
Morrigan: Only when I wake up from bed. Now please- (Turns Away While Fling her Hand Down at Hades) Leave me alone so I can give and receive love from a real man next to me.
The real man in question, Dedede, gives her a kiss on the lips, prompting the succubus to squeal in pure glee before hugging and snuggling up on his arm right beside her.
Hades: Baffling love choice aside- (Grins at Dedede Next) Dedede! My main penguin man! (Chuckles Lightly) I hope you took all the time you need to read my well-made and throughout resume as of late.
Dedede: Yeah, I read them alright.
Hades: (Playfully Raises an Eyebrow) All six pages?~ (Starts Moving his Eyebrows Around in a Snake Like Motion Before Bouncing Them Up amd Down)
Dedede: (Rolls his Eyes) Sure, whatever. And we, The Certified Uncles-
Morrigan: And Auntie!~
Dedede: -Here, has gather around and anonymously decided to decline your offer of ever joining our group for years to come.
Hades: As I exp- (Eyes Begins to Widened) Wait, what?
Rodin: You heard the man. You didn't make the cut, fool.
Sojiro: Not now or ever I'm afraid.
Group: Yep.
Hades: (Becomes More and More Dumbfounded by this Revelation) Wha- Bu- I- Uh- This is completely absurd!! (Glares at Everyone in the Café) Give me one goddamn reason why I'm not allowed in your club!!
Dedede: Boy, we can name you one million reasons.
Hades: Million!? Come on- I am not that bad!
Dedede: "Not that bad?" So are we just gonna ignore all the times you tried fucking over the Smash Family for shit and giggles?
Morrigan: Like the time you nearly ruined that beautiful Co-Op Wedding months ago, by having those Dark Knights of yours crash in, unannounced.
Hades: I thought it would spice up the wedding more! Besides, Jean Whatshisface was the one suggesting the idea to beginning with.
Rodin: You snitching on poor sucka already?
Hades: (Shrugs) I can't sit idly by and take all the credit
Morrigan: Prick.
Sojiro: How about all the times you traumatized Pitto by showing him those disturbing anime clips.
Hades: Oh come on- that was a long time ago. I haven't thought of anything else to show him quite yet.
Everyone: (Eyes Widens at Hades) Yet!?
Hades: Hey, the possibilities are endless. But gimme at least a month and a half- (Forms an Evil Smirk on hus Face) I'll show him something that could truly scar him for life.
Sojiro: (Glares at Hades) I am five seconds away from calling Palutena right now.
Rodin: (Has his Phone Right By his Ear) I'm about to call her up right now.
Hades: (Quickly Rushes Over to Rodin with his Knees on the Floor, Begging) No! Please! I still have a lot to live for in this wacky universe!!
Escargoon: (Smirks Down at Hades Along with Morrigan) Woooow. Begging for your life already, Hades?
Morrigan: How ungodly of you indeed~
Hades: (Gives Escargoon a Deadpinned Look on his Face) Are we really playing the taunting game right now?
Escargoon: (Shrugs) Hey, if you can be petty, so can the rest of us. You were asking for it.
Hades: Doesn't mean I deserve it! I have feelings too, you know?
Dedede: Yeah, well, feelings or not, your ass still ain't qualified to join our group. (Crosses his Arms Together While Smiling Confidently) Luckily for us, we already have someone better to tag along.
'Door Opens'
?????: Howdy, everyone!
Certified Uncles/Auntie: (Faces Lit Up in Happiness at the Sight of a Familiar Face Stepping Inside the Café) Peppy!!
Dedede: The Hare of the hour! Get over here, my boi!
Hades: (Eyes Widens in Complete Disbelief) ......Are you serious? (Comically Glares at Peppy Walking Towards the Rest of the Group) You've chose this old, decrypted rabbit over me!?
Peppy: (Rolls his Eyes a Bit) Nice to see you too, Hades. I take it you've been trying to join the squad there?
Hades: (Turns to Peppy While Scoffing) Obviously. I'm far more superior for the spot than a has-been pilot like you.
Morrigan: ('GASPS')
Dedede: Nuh-Uh- (Gets Up From his Seat While Glaring at Hades Again) You really pushin' it now.
Hades: What? I'm not far off from the description, am I?
Dedede: Nah- See, what we're NOT gonna do is let you in here, bad mouthin' a legend right now!
Everyone: Yeah!/Damn straight.
Peppy: (Smiles Sheepishly at the Gang) Come now, you guys. There's no need to get riled up over Hades of all people.
Escargoon: Normally, you'd be right, Pep. But this is one instance we can't let slide.
Dedede: Exactly! It's baffling as all hell that you'd call one of the original member of the OG Star Fox, an has been, Hades! It really is!
Sojiro: Yeah, and the only sole survivor at that. Not only has he fulfilled James' promise to look after his son from that day forward, but he also helped him set up a new Star Fox and mentored him and the others throughout their missions together.
Morrigan: He stuck by their side through thick and thin, the best he knows how. Even when he stepped down and let Krystal take his place during the horrid Aperoid incident.
Escargoon: And while we're on that topic, this brave hare not only saved General Pepper from crashing down inside his ship, at the very last second, but he also made the sacrificial decision to ram the Great Fox straight through the barrier of Aperoid's base, giving the team just enough time to fly their way in as him and ROB are in critical danger themselves.
Dedede: And they STILL managed to survive after all of that!
Rodin: Hence why they made him fill the role as Corneria's general a year after that.
Peppy: Well, technically, I was filling in for the role while Pepper became ill at the time, but you all were spot on with everything else in my history. Colored me impressed.
Escargoon: (Chuckles Lightly While Rubbing the Back of his Head a Bit) Nah, It was nothing. It's thanks to your biology book that we learned a few things or two about those tidbits.
Morrigan: ('Sighs Fondly') And yet there's much more rich, endearing history to be told further beyond~ (Suddenly Let's Out Another Gasps as She Comes Up with an Idea) Let's have ourselves a book club on the matter later today!~
Escargoon: Sure!
Rodin: (Simply Nodded in Agreement) My thoughts exactly.
Peppy: Don't mind doing that one bit.
Dedede: (Raises an Eyebrow in a Bit of Confusion) That's the first thing y'all fo as a group together? Book club.
Sojiro: (Shrugs to De) It seems a good enough activity to start us off at.
Morrigan: (Hugs Up on her Boyfriend's Arm) Even more so if we Invite our sweet little angels over and have Peppy read it for us. (Gives Dedede the Cute Puppy Dog Eyes) Pretty please, my king?~
Dedede: (Uses his Finger to Scratch the Top of his Head) Well, the kids do love a good story time, especially from Peppy narrating.
Peppy: (Chuckles Lightly) Didn't win me the Best Storyteller Award for nothing, you know?
Dedede: Yeah, yeah. (Turns Back to Morrigan with a Smile) And I definitely don't have it in me to say "no" to your pretty face, Morrg~
Morrigan: (Giggles Ticklishly to the Eskimo Kiss Her King is Now Giving Her) That's right!~ I'm too loveable to be declined and ignored~
Dedede: Damn right. Then it's settled. Book Club is officially a go later!
Hades: So that's it? Y-You're just gonna pick the has been over yours truly, with no leeway whatsoever?
Dedede: (Turns Back to Hades with a Shrug) 'Ey man, the decision has long been made than you think.
Escargoon: And even if we didn't thought of the idea, we still wouldn't invite you regardless.
Sojiro: And unless you take the actual time and effort to quit doing your usual antics and improve yourself as an uncle figure, you'll never be part of this squad, no matter how many times you persuade and beg.
Everyone: Yeah.
Hades: You know what? Fuck it- Fuck all of this! (Finally Gets Himself Up From the Before Sweeping the Dust Off of Him) It was clearly a waste of a time. I should've known I wouldn't be welcome. ('Sniff')
Rodin: Fool, are you cryin' right now?
Hades: (Glares at Rodin) NO! I don't- ('Sniff') (Wipe a Few Tears From Off his Face) Cry at all, Rodin. Never in my whole life. My eyes only gotten watery and the only way to fix it is to retreat back home to my marvelous pent house, maybe host myself a big party, which you all are CLEARLY not invited to. (Creates his Dark Portal Again) So if you'll excuse me- (Makes his Exit into the Portal While Sniffing) Hades out!
Dedede: (Shakes his Head While Watching the Portal Disappear in Front of Him and the Others) He gon' cry himself to sleep tonight.
Peppy: Probably. I almost feel bad for the vermin
Rodin: ('Tch') I don't. Man been nothing but a headache, just like his crazy ass family.
Peppy: (Simply Nodded in Agreement) You ain't wring there.
'Door Opens'
Peppy: Hm? (Turns Over and Smile at the Familiar Face in his Perspective) Oh, hey there, Lucy! (Walks Over to the Young Woman) What brings you here? I thought you said you were going out on a little sightseeing in this city
Lucy: I was- (Starts Pouting a Bit) Until I realized you left you phone on the coffee table again. (Hands Her Father his Phone) Haven't you noticed?
Peppy: (Chuckles Sheepishly) Guess that would why my pockets gotten lighter today. Sorry about that.
Lucy: ('Sigh') It's fine, daddy. (Bends Down a Smidge to Hug Peppy) Just be more mindful next, okay? You know how worried sick I am about you sometimes, right?
Peppy: (Happily Hugs Lucy Back) I know, baby girl, I know. (Gives Lucy a Kiss on the Cheek) Oh! You arrived just in time, Luce. (Presents Lucy to his Friends) I'd like to introduce you to Dedede, Escargoon, Morrigan, Rodin, and Sojiro- My pals I've been telling you all about recently. (Turns to the Pals in Question) Everyone, this is my pride, joy, and one of thr main things that wake me up every morning, my daughter, Lucy Hare
Morrigan/Escargoon: (Happily Waves Hello To Peppy's Daughter) Hi, Lucy!~
Rodin: 'Sup.
Sojiro: (Smiles Softly) Welcome.
Dedede: (Smiles Brightly) Pleasure to meet ya, little lady!
Lucy: (Politely Bows to the Gang) The pleasure is all mine, I'm sure. (Smiles Back) I can't thank you kind folks, enough for being friends with my daddy this whole time. She such a sweet man, albeit reckless
Peppy: Ah come on now, Luce, I ain't that bad.
Lucy: (Gives Peppy a Daughterly Glare) "Ain't that bad?" Daddy, almost everyone of your old mission status reports states you've made either involves entering into daring, life threatening scenarios, tryin' to sacrifice yourself, or both at the same exact time- It's nerve-wracking to read about! And as we both still live and breathe in this and every other universe, I won't let you get out of retirement, on my watch! (Starts Tearing Up a Bit) ('Sniff') Or are you cruel enough to break your baby girl's heart?~
Peppy: Never, sweetheart. You know I've been taking it a lot easier than than ever and I'mma keep it that way. I promise.
Lucy: (Stares at Peppy For a Brief Second Before Puffing her Cheeks Out a Bit) ('Hmph') You better! (Gives Peppy a Peck on the Side of his Head)
Morrigan: (Been Gushing Over the Father and Daughter Interaction the Whole Time) Awww~
Rodin: (Let's Out a Single Chuckle) Got yourself a worrisome girl there, Pep?
Peppy: ('Sigh') Yep. Ever since she was a child and more so since the Aperoid incident. (Smiles Softly) I don't mind though. Her mother used to be the same way when she was here- (Turns Back to Lucy) And every time I see my girl growing up, she's becoming more and more like her everyda-
Lucy: (Immediately Went Back to Glari.g at her Father) Nuh-uh-uh! Stop it right there!
Peppy: But Luc-
Lucy: No. I thought I remembered clearly, that we discussed long and hard about you comparing me to momma all the dang time! I'm my very own person! You might've gotten away with doing that with Foxy to Uncle James all those years ago, but you ain't ever pull that nonsense with me, old mista'! Is that clear?
Peppy: (Chuckles Sheepishly) Of course, dearie, I'm sorry. I always tend to forget that fact. You've done well shaping yourself as the person you wanted to be. 'Won't stop me from missing your momma though.
Lucy: (Hugs Peppy Again) You and me both, daddy.
Sojiro: De and I understand your dilemma clearly, Pep. We used to find our kids worrying over us, sweet at first.
Dedede: (Scoffs While Rolling his Eyes a Bit) Yeah, till it got outta hand, no thanks to those Certified Mommas encouragin' them to do so back home! (Crosses his Arms While Pouting) Thinkin we senior citizens and crap.
Escargoon: (Shrugs to De) Hey, you have plenty of moments of you worrying over them too, De.
Morrigan: Like a good uncle~
Dedede: Yeah, but not to the extent them kids bring! Ain't that some shit?
Sojiro: Gonna have to agree with De on this one. It can be a bit much at tim-
???????: WE HEARD THAT!!
Dedede/Sojiro: (Quickly Hug One Another and Panick at the Sight of Futaba and the Rest of the Smash Kids) AHH! KIDS!
Dedede: How long were y'all standin' there!?
Futaba: (Glares at the Two Men Along with the Others) Long enough, bozos! Neither of you ain't slick!
Ness: We worry because you guys, our moms, dads, and rest of you uncles and aunties mean the whole world and universe to us.
Lucas: (Frowns a Bit) You can't blame us for making sure you're okay every chance we get. We love you.
Lavenza: (Turns Away with her Arms Crossed) And we won't stop doing so whatsoever by the way.
Ashley: And neither will the moms.
Smash Kids: YEAH!
Morrigan: AWWWWWWWWWW!~
Escargoon: (Chuckles Lightly) Well said, you guys.
Rodin: And good timing. We're just about to set up for our book club today. Wanna stick around and join us?
Smash Kids: Heck yeah!~/Let's do it!/We always love a good story time!~
Mona: Are you gonna read it out loud for us this time, Uncle Peppy?
Peppy: (Happily Nodded to the Kids) Mhmm. Gonna be a real doozy too because today we're going about my autobiography of life and times throughout my Star Fox career.
Smash Kids: (Immediately Gets Intrigued While Cheering in Rejoice)
Lucy: (Smiles Softly at her Father) So these are the sweet lil' angels you've told me about too.
Peppy: (Happily Nodded to Lucy) Yep. Each and everyone of them looking up to me since the day I first arrived at their mansion. Pretty neat, huh?
Lucy: Very. You're such a wonderful inspiration, daddy.
Peppy: (Heart Begins to Melt in Genuine Happiness) Thanks, sweetie. You're more than welcome to stick around and join us if you like.
Lucy: Of course! Just don't expect me to not cry my poor lil eyes out on a few chapters, ya hear?
Peppy: (Chuckles Lightly) Loud and clear.
Futaba: (Smiles Brightly) Ahh yeah!~ Operation Book Club/Story Time is an official go!.....Right after we set up our PowerPoint!
Sojiro: (Raises an Eyebrow in Confusion) PowerPoint? About what exactly?
Futaba: How you guys mean to us, show off our appreciation, and why we'll never stop worrying over any of you in the long run. A perfect way to show how we care. (Pouts at Sojiro and Dedede Again) Especially to you two clowns.
Dedede: (Glares at Futaba) Girl, we are not clowns!
Futaba: TKes one to know one, Uncle De,takes one to know one. (Turns to Her Best Robot Friend in the Background) Omega-kun! Bring the projector over here. We have a presentation to show-off!~
Omega: Affirmative!
Sojiro: ('Sighs in Defeat') And so it begins.
Dedede: Goddamnit
Lavenza: Language!
Bonus
Hades: (Now Seen Laying on his Bed in Tears) Stupid! ('Sniff') Certified Uncles Squad! ('Sniff') W-Who do they think they are, disqualifying me like that, huh? ('Sniif') (Takes a Tissue Out of a Nearby and Blow his into it) Who even needs them anyways? I'm goddamn Hades for fuck sakes! King of all Underworld, the rule of all evil and all things twisted-
??????: And a dead man laying.
Hades: AHH! GIRLS! (Immediately Gets Startled Hugs his Pillow in Fear at the Sight of Misako and Kyoko Glaring Down at Him) W-W-What are you two doing her? H-How did you two get here!?
Misako: (Holding Onto Two of her Pink Brass Knuckles) Futaba let us borrowed her Dimensional Ring. Before that, we caught wind from Coffee Dad that you're planning on traumatizing our boyfriend again. (Grit her Teeth) Is that true?
Hades: N-NO! NO! Of course it's not! (Chuckles Awkwardly) I-I mean, this Uncle Hades you're talking here, I would never-
Kyoko: (Angrily Slam Bat on Hades' Bed, Making him Yelp Some More) FUCKING LIAR PANTS! Everyone in the Smash Family knows that you're a terrible, lying uncle! Hasn't our poor, sweet angel suffered enough of your constant bullshit!? Huh!?
Hades: (Rolls his Eyes a Bit) That boy is anything but sweet-
Kyoko: PITTO-KINS' THE SWEETEST, YOU ASSHOLE- (Pauses Herself For a Second Before Taking a Deep Breath) Hades, you better listen carefully and listen GOOD: If we EVER catch or hear you making Pitto-Kins watch anymore of those nasty, traumatic clips again, I will take this very bat and- ('Beeeeep BeepBeepBeep Beep Beep Beeep') AND THEN- ('BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP') (Starts Exhaling her Breath Out a Bit)
Kyoko's loud and....very colorful threat and language causes both Hades and Misako to stare at her with their mouths and eyes wide open, in complete silence.....Though, the latter starts to become very flustered by this turn of events.
Misako: ........................Kyoko, I wanna kiss the ever living hell out of you right now~
Kyoko: (Turns to Misako) I'll give you and Pitto-Kins the best, loving kisses of your lives after story time is finished.
Misako: ('Uggh') That long!?~
Kyoko: (Gently Pulls on her Girlfriend's Cheek) Learn to be patient, honey- (Gives Misako's Cheek a Kiss) For me?~
Misako: ('Sighs in Defeat') Fiiiine, I will.
Hades: ('Ugh') You girls and Pitto really do deserve each other-
Misako/Kyoko: (Went Back to Glaring at Hades) QUIET!
Misako: Fuck with our baby one more time, Hades. Fuck. With him. One more time and we're not only gonna do what Kyoko just said put into motion, but gonna throw your sorry ass into abyss or dead souls!
Hades: No! Please! I barely got out of there one time- (Turns his the Irises in his Eyes Away a Bit) And considering how many souls that were put in so far this year, I definitely won't be lucky this time around!!
Misako: (Steps Back to the Giant Dimensional Ring Behind her and Kyoko While Giving Hades One Last Glare) Then you better not fuck with us or we will come back.
Kyoko: (Follows Misako While Pointing her Bat Directionly at Hades) Considering this our very last warning, jackass. (Uses the Bat to Smash Two of Hades' Portrait Frames on the Night Stand Before Going into the Ring)
Hades: Well- ('Clicks Teeth') That was truly traumatized for my health. But at least Paulie isn't around to-
Palutena: (From Outside) HADES!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT, RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING COWARD!!
