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“You’re right there.

You’re standing two feet away from me and you’re talking.

You’re talking,

you’re talking,

and I’m trying not to cry.

I want to close the distance that separates us

and hug you,

and tell you that I love you,

and tell you that I’m sorry I close myself off,

and that I’m not doing as well as I pretend,

and that often the urge to cry is overwhelming.

I want to say all of these things to you and that I hope you know that I love you.

I love you, and maybe you will never know how much.”

My father is 61 by a.m.

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“Many people who offer you an ear are the very same whom are too eager to fill the smallest silence with their own problems.”

And so, perhaps I am alone by a.m.

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“It was a rusted 1988 Ford Maverick; which I’d had for the better part of five years, and had just about run into the ground.

But it had been through so much with me: learning to drive; learning to heal; learning independence; learning how to pack up a life and transfer it 1,781km away; learning how to let go. And this silly, rusted wagon had been the one consistent thing in my life for so long, that for some reason, I couldn’t really imagine life without it.”

a.m.

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“It’s the middle of April and I’m reading Charles Bukowski on my balcony, and I’m drinking a coffee, and I’m thinking of you. And I hope that life has been treating you kindly.”

Old Friends & Charles Bukowski by a.m

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I carry this with me; The weight. Wait. Oh, the timelessness of it. Is it the hour hand or the minute that slows? Seconds. A second. Coming first to a dawn. Going and going and going on.

The Timelessness of Grief by a.m.

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Turn my darkness into light.

The People We’ve Lost

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"Doesn't it make you itch, right down to your bones, that everyone is going to move on without you? They're going to forget all about you and continue on with their lives all the same." "No, I can't say it does really. In a way I envy them, with all my heart, for their ability to overcome such terrible losses in life; as I could not forget so easily."

a.m

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At first, it will be true love in its purest form. Goodbyes and goodnights for merely several hours will be the hardest thing we have to do. But then it will happen: one day at a café or on your way to work you’ll bump into her. It won’t be anything ground breaking like a bolt of lightning striking between you or the stars aligning, but a small spark will ignite somewhere deep in your heart. You won’t even realise it until fate has it that you bump into her again, and then you’ll start to realise that this electric energy within you only occurs when you’re with her. So please, darling, don’t think that I’m special or that we’re special or that it will be different for us. Nothing changes and the world keeps on turning and even this love we have shall pass, because I’m well aware that for this short time I’m her.

Her by a.m