The One Line Curse.
Growing up I always had a clue about who I was and what kind of person I was. I had a pretty clear head on my shoulder, I had dreams and visions. I wanted to be a figure skater, then a chef, then an actress, then a singer and so on and so forth. I always knew there was something different about me, I wasn't too sure what it was. Why didn't any of the other girls like me? Why was it so hard for me to fit in and be friends? It was as if over night I woke up and my clear vision just kind of disappeared. Now I don't know who I am? I don't know where I'm going, am I making the right decisions? How should I dress? How should I wear my hair? Why am I too skinny? Why don't I look like that girl? Why are my grades so bad? I literally started questioning EVERYTHING, and striving to find the answers was the toughest thing ever. Oh but at the point in time I really did think I found my answer, she walked into my life.
She was perfect, skinny body, nice clothes, nice hair, very confident and beautiful, always going on multiple dates with guy. Everybody wanted to be with her or be her, and so did I. I wanted to be exactly like that, I felt if I was like her my questions would be answered. It all started off with one line. You always say, I'll just do it once, see what it's like. But in reality when you actually hate yourself as much as I did, I seriously think I was sick in the brain. If you don't have that control over your ways of thinking, it will never just be once. Because now you've found the answer, now all those hateful voices in your head just disappear and you become what you've always wanted to be. You confident and you don't give a flying shit about what other people say or do You spend all this time and money and energy towards getting high and feeling great that nothing else matters and for the sake of it, it's pretty fucking amazing. But just like any high, there's always a peak and a fall. And we all go through it, but we all tell ourselves that we will stay at this peak forever even though we have a very clear vision that your life is crumbling before you but you just chose to ignore it because you've found your answer. And you must protect this answer because if it's wrong everything just crashes before you and doesn't make sense. And you can't go back to being confused, even though its a natural party of being fifteen.