#and cried.

[machinocris]

to be an endling

i wonder what it is to be an endling

to know you are utterly, truly alone.

that nobody will ever understand you, ever again.

to know that once you are gone,

your people are lost to the world.

your kind are nothing more than a memory and remains

how sad that must be, to be an endling

[cryptkitt3n]

Are you ever just grateful your daughter and your future children are being raised in a safer support network including friends after you hear someones views.

[mikuolover27]

DEAR DIARY: i found two covers with yuuma and mikuo on nicovideo today

[id-thepuppy]

well...I just finished watching 10 seasons of Futurama.

[emopunx]

I just lit the wrong end of the bowl.

[herbloodlacedtheirwinexarchive]

Dear mom,

(Written in the 1100’s) —Mother,

I’ve failed you in every way that a daughter possibly could. I’ve failed you and I’ve failed father. And there’s no way that I can make up for that anymore. Both of you gave your lives for mine, for me—and all I’ve done is make a mess out of everything I’ve looked at, touched and cared about. I wasn’t worth dying for, mother. I never was. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I’m not the woman nor the daughter you and father always thought I was or could be.

I don’t have your hair comb anymore, I don’t have any physical memory of you left. The only place you exist now is in my thoughts and remembrances of you and I’m so scared that those memories will fade. They can’t fade, you’re the only person who can get me through this. I need you, I need the memory—the thought of you, I just need you to hold me, run your fingers through my hair like you used to when I was a little girl. I’m still her. I can’t calm down anymore, I feel like crying, always. I can’t do this. I can’t do this without you. I’m not strong like you were or like father was.

I had a son—Adrian, named after grandfather. Just thinking about him has me crying. I saw the both of you in him, somehow. His bright near-turquoise eyes reminded me of yours and he had father’s hair and nose. I didn’t see myself nor his father in him, but the both of you. He was a beautiful little boy, he was my ray of sunshine every day that passed. His laugh was infectious and his little fingers would always try their best to wrap themselves around mine and he would never want to let go. I would tell him the stories you always told me when you put me to sleep. I remember them; even now. He always let out a small chuckle as if in gratitude, before his eyes closed and he fell asleep. And I would watch him, sometimes for hours, because it was one of the most peaceful sights that I had ever seen. He seemed so happy, mother. I hope he remained happy and I hope his life was a long and flourishing one. I don’t know what happened to him. I couldn’t stay in the village, I became…—

Do you remember, when you told me that you would never leave father’s side, because it pains you when he’s not around; because he’s a part of you? Do you think a love that like lasts forever? I wear a necklace around my neck, it looks worn and almost broken, but I can’t take it off because it’s a physical reminder of someone I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my days with. It’s a memory I can touch, a memory I can run my fingers across and most importantly, I can feel it, always, it’s near my heart. It’s an object that gives me strength, it’s something that forces me to live out each and every single day even though there are ones where I want all of this to stop. I’m so tired, mother, I’m exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. But this… this keeps me going—I don’t know why. I’ve tried to take it off but I almost feel… empty without it. I think you would have liked him, the man who this necklace belonged to. He needed someone to comfort him, even though he was the strongest person I had ever met, apart from you and father. And he gave me strength, I grew up with him. I don’t know where he is now, I don’t even know if he’s still alive, all I know for certain is that he isn’t here. He isn’t in the one place I want him to be; he’s not with me. And that pains me, it feels like this part of me is just… empty. Is this how you felt about father?

I don’t know why I’m writing this, you’re not here, you haven’t been for—years. And I know that there’s no way you’ll ever be able to read this, but let me pray and wish that you might because hope is all I have left, it’s all I’m holding onto. 

Do you remember, before we left on the boat, that you took me to sit and look out over the ocean? And you told me that the world is a marvelous place, that beauty can be found anywhere, as long as you knew how to see and how to look at matters. I don’t even know exactly where I am anymore, but I’m sitting on the very top of a high cliff and I’m overlooking the ocean and there’s not an end to it in sight, it’s beautiful. It’s scary and I can’t explain it but it feels as if you’re with me; it’s as if you’re sitting beside me as I’m writing this. Moments like these are emotional, yet peaceful. I don’t often see the beauty in the world, but it’s moments like these that I do.

I miss you, I miss father, I miss Adrian, I miss—him. I miss my life. I miss having a smile on my face, they’re so rare now, it almost feels as if I’ve forgotten what it’s like to smile. But I have no reason to be happy, there’s nothing to smile about for me. All I can think about are my mistakes, everything I could’ve done differently but didn’t—I realize things too late, I always have.

I’m sorry, mother. I’m so incredibly sorry, that I wasn’t and am not a better daughter. Both of you deserved someone to be proud of and I’m not that person. I’m just—I’m sorry.

Я всегда буду любить тебя (I will always love you)

Ваша дочь,(Your daughter)

At which point, Tatia rolled up the parchment and slid it into a bottle, which she then made sure was entirely airtight before she threw it as far as she could until it landed in the water. Hoping that her mother would be able to read it someday, somehow.

[buenolicious]

It always so depressing after all my friends leave my house.  I JUST GET SO LONELY. I WISH THEY COULD HAVE ALL STAYED TILL THE CRACK OF DAWN. I should just kidnap them next time. . .