Bo Ruberg: What about games like Become a Great Artist in Just 10 seconds? It's non-narrative and has no characters, but is there still some element of your trans experience that is reflected in the game?
Andi McClure: Generally, no. Part of what I am drawn to abstraction is that it's like an escape from my identity. As a trans person, my identity means, to some extent, that there are things about my physical, external self that i don't like. It's complicated to talk about whether the trans experience has been good or bad for me, but it's definitely been really hard, and a lot of that has to do with struggling with the physical world. My body doesn't necessarily feel like a great place to me. The period when I was most prolific in games was when I was either just pre-transition or during transition and things were especially not working right. In a sense, video games or abstract art are a place where you don't have to have a body. In most of my games, you're not embodied. To me, there's something that feels really good about just floating in those abstractions. it feels natural.
To the extent that I identify as something, I identify as an artist. I worry about that, because if you're an artist and that's the whole of your identity, what are you bringing to the work? That's one of the reasons why I'm more inclinded to make things that are about experience rather than things that are about me personally. At the same time, I think of my games as being very personal, because they are personal thoughts and feelings I have had, even though there aren't usually people in my games. Even if I'm not present in my games as a person, my emotions are still there.
One thing that makes exploring identity in my games difficult is that i struggle with characters and narrative. There's exactly one game in my history that explicitly portrays a relationship. It's called He never showed up (2013). It simulates a date in which your date literally never shows up. The game was my attempt to process my feelings about this dude I was going out with, but who wasn't sure if he was bisexual or what dating a trans person meant for his sexuality. In the game, he doesn't show up for the date because in real life he never showed up emotionally.
Ruberg: On your website, you describe some of your early work as "anti-games." What do you mean by that? Is that still a concept that is important to your art?
McClure: A few years ago, when I was making those games, I was spending way too much time on video game message boards, and there were all tehse people complaining about things that weren't "really games." Around this time, the Nintendo Wii was challenging conventional ideas about what gameplay meant. People who were invested in traditional forms of gameplay got upset. For a brief period when the Wii was succeeding, they felt threatened. They thought that video games as they knew them just wouldn't exist anymore, and this new paradigm would supplant them. Someone on NeoGaf used the term "waggle-tastic fagatronics" to describe Wii games. I was like, "Holy shit! That sounds like everything I want to be part of."
Personally I'm not interested in games themselves. I'm interested in the space of what is possible whn you have these mechanical systems encoded in software. Along with a bunch of other indie folks, I was making stuff that rejected what a game was supposed to be. Why does it matter if it's a game? I decided to frame the games I was making as a reaction against games themselves--as a way to say, "No, I'm not just failing to meet the rules of video games. I'm rejecting the rules fo video games." Traditional gamers thought indie games would destroy the medium, which didn't happen obviously--but for this brief period, I was like, "I can destroy something? great, I have this awesome destructive power! I'm going to be your supervillain. I'm going to make something so avant garde it will actually destroy the medium and there will be nothing left."
-"Andi McClure: Algorithms, Accidents and the Queerness of Abstraction" from in The Queer Games Avant-Garde: How LGBTQ Game Makers are Reimagining The Medium of Video Games (2020, Duke University Press)