Recently a guy friend and I were discussing a variety of social issues that bothered us and the topic of dating came up. I mentioned that after I quit the last place I had worked, a temp job, one of the managers (I didn't work with him) had found me on Facebook a few months later and tried to ask me out. I admitted to my friend that I was still kicking myself for how I handled the situation, that rather than being my usual blunt self, I ended up telling this man I was moving out of state, to avoid giving a harsh "no". My friend thought this was hilarious, but wanted to know why I hadn't given him a chance, what if he'd been a nice guy? ". I responded to that by saying that I didn't really have a good enough reason to want to date this man that I only ever said hello to while at work, I didn't know him at all. This reasoning really surprised my friend, who pondered it for a minute, realizing that he'd never considered that a a seemingly decent stranger expressing interest is hardly enough to justify going out with them for some people. I further explained that I'd checked his Facebook to make sure there was no wife or girlfriend (no shenanigans) and only found pictures of craft beer and kittens, which is enough for me to deduce that this man was not compatible with me, tho in general probably a fun to hang with and a sweet person. My friend thought this was all very funny, but still thought the guy deserved a chance. I'm glad we ended up on another topic so I didn't have to reveal how I really felt about his opinion. I didn't say anything about how this man shouldn't have even have found me, my account is private. I didn't mention how I spent TWO HOURS trying to gently turn him down without friend zoning him, because the last time I did that it took a DECADE to rebuff the guy. I didn't bother to explain that I KNOW what kind of men I'm attracted to and I know exactly why I'm NOT attracted to other types. Frankly, I don't have to explain or justify any of my dating choices, but I hadn't realized that this friend would have felt as he did. THIS IS WHY INTJS HAVE REPUTATIONS OF BEING JACKASSES BECAUSE NO ONE WILL ACCEPT THEIR FEELINGS AND VALUES AS THEY ARE AND ARE CONSTANTLY CRITICISING THEM AND DEMANDING THAT THEY COMPLY TO SENSELESS, UNDEFINED SOCIAL NORMS. So go ahead and try to tell me that I Should Have said yes, when I Did Not Want To. Tell me that I can't possibly Know from his Facebook what kind of person he is. Tell me I'm so wrong to not have accepted the compliment. But I'm gonna be over here, still saying No and Meaning it and not giving a Reason, cause I DON'T HAVE TO.
