Tw for an angry relative and a disrespectful relative regarding the lgbtq+ community
Recently my grandma and aunt were in town to visit my family as we hadn't seen each other in approximately 2 years and we all got vaxed a couple months ago. For the 3 days they were there it was amazing to see them again and loved being around them.
When the third night came around an incident happened. As some people may know, but if not, I'm a transman and I have been out for about 7 and a half years. My extended family has known for about 7 years, so when my grandma was talking to me and my sister and called us girls, I was surprised to say the least. I hadn't heard that from anybody that knew me in ages but I played it off like I hadn't heard even tho we all paused for a second after. This was the first time she had done so I didn't say anything but tried to think of a way to incorporate telling my grandma my pronouns as a reminder. I did not long after because she gave me the perfect opening by saying I could've gotten more of something if I'd done such and such. My response was, "Well if you had called me a guy I might've". I was trying to joke about it and give off the vibe that it didn't matter to me, even tho it did because did it mean she misgenders me in her own life? But if looks could kill I would be half way dead in a second with the sharp look she gave when I said it. She pretended like she didn't hear it after that tho and we didn't talk about it again until my sister had left with our dad and aunt, so it was just me and my gran gran 😅
Well, as much as I wish I could say the rest of the night went smoothly, it didn't. We continued talking about this, that and the other thing until she misgendered me again. At this point I felt comfortable enough to ask her to use my pronouns and her response was to tell me not to correct. I asked her why and she said because she didn't care. At hearing this I was hurt because I thought she had always quietly supported me among my parents and sister who support me wholeheartedly. For context she is in her mid 80's, has beat cancer and I think has recently been diagnosed with alzheimers (I don't know anything about how this is progressing or what stage she is at. I think she said it because she was in a fit of outrage.) So I get she is in a very scary place and is likely emotional about all these things she doesn't want going to happen to her. She then gets angry and proceeds to ask why I need to talk about it (it being my gender identity and the fact that I am trans) when she accepts and loves me. Although she does have those she doesn't seem to respect me as a person and she didn't understand that.
She gets even more outraged by trying to get me to explain why pride exists and to basically explain to her why "your people" or "you people" have to flaunt our gayness or queerness to everyone. That if we are such a dime a dozen why do we have to celebrate, "can't you all just go to a parking lot?" "No grandma, there more people than that." "Then why do you need to take up an entire street and block traffic?" Basically a "how are you more special than I am?" talk. Which I tried to explain but apparently her questions were rhetorical because she interrupted and said "I don't care". It led to her asking if I would correct her older brothers, I said yes and she asked if I needed to see a psychiatrist and I said, "I am." At that she did pause and realize I did and that not everyone is perfect; at least that is what I would like to think. It basically ended with her saying that if her stance made me uncomfortable than I could go and not talk to her but that she wouldn't want that. At which I said me neither even tho part of me just wanted to get away for a little and hope she improves herself but knowing I can't because she could die or forget me, but for that night I couldn't leave either because it was her last night in town and didn't want to completely our last night together. Which didn't feel great because I knew she didn't respect me. So we sat in silence until my dad's girlfriend came home and the night went on.
When I talked to my dad and his girlfriend about it they said that that is just how she is. I mean I knew it would go this way but it just hurt to know that they couldn't see that her blatant disrespectful attitude could just be explained away as her being old and set in her ways that them try to talk to her about it or even try to. I think they know more about the alzheimers so could be more on her side for that reason.
I do have people that support me, my co-workers, the employee I got a wax from and some other friends.
Anyways, I just needed to vent, mark the day, tell my story or whatever other reason I come up with. The lgbtq+ experience eh?
