Betrayal
LIke, I’d been wondering if I should post it here ‘kuz I forgot if these people were following me on Tumblr, but like fuck it y’know?
I may portray myself to be class clown, a ditzy asian girl, but hell...I’m still fucking aware of the world and people y’know? I can read your fucking body language, I can hear y’all and I can sure as hell read signs. I may be dense, but y’all are practically fucking making a sign the size of Taipei 101 and shoving it up my ass. I notice that.
If y’all don’t want to be my friend anymore, instead of this pathetic passive-aggressive shit y’all swore to be your pet peeve, why don’t you just come up to me (and holy shit) TELL ME that my personality and attitude doesn’t rub you in the right way and you don’t want to spend time with me. (Oh gosh, so hard!) I mean, granted y’all waited until the end of the school year but seriously the last 3 weeks were complete shit and I was wondering if you’d notice all the shit talk that you guys throw around are actually painting a picture of yourselves? I mean y’all don’t like passive-aggressive shit, y’all hate people who think they are holier than thou, and shit....I can’t believe I followed you guys around all year. I wasted so many friendships to try to be your friend. Fuck that.
I’m a shitty person, and I’ve treated people really shitty over the school year and I want to make up for that, but in some cases i don’t really deserve their forgiveness. Because, I was so caught up in being friends with y’all I didn’t realize I turned into the one person type that I vowed never to become. The “in-clique” where I determine who’s good and bad. I mean, how fucked up is that?
Y’all want to be obvious about abolishing this friendship, fine. Go to Disneyland with the whole group and have me find out I missed the invite through snapchat. Fine, go tell me y’all are going to the 21+ clubs and have me see through instagram and snapchat y’all bought store bought alcohol and partying it up at a campus apartment. FINE, physically move away when I sit down because y’all don’t wanna associate with me. FINE, you can close the circle really obviously and have me be that awkwardly placed friend outside the circle. Fine, don’t say anything to me when we’re sitting ALONE in a room. Hope you comfortable that we have this weird oppressive silence around us.
My boyfriend tells me I’m too kind and nice for my own good, and he’s saying everything my mom has told me ever since hitting junior high and for once in my fucking life i can see where they’re coming from. You guys have been a poison in my life, and you may seem really fucking nice and like the best people to hang out with, but all this whiplash from days I’m super close to y’all and not is depressing. I’ll send you texts maybe after the summer when you guys won’t text me (surprise surprise I already knew this would happen) and tell you this to your faces. It’ll be hard as fuck to get along because we’re in the same tiny ass major and we’re all involved in the same project that’ll have us working together in close quarters for most of the year, but really, I don’t feel like I’m the one cutting ties. You guys did that already. I’m just cutting that last line that I’d been clinging to these past weeks.
(Really though, this should’ve been obvious from the get go...when we had that sleepover and I was the only one sleeping on the ground without any cushioning.)
Deuces bitches.
to all my followers--FUCK, YOU GUYS MAY BE SMARTER THAN ME BUT REALLY, DON’T LET THE PEOPLE WHO ARE COOL AND YOU REALLY WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH BLIND YOU FROM THE PEOPLE ON THE SIDELINE WHO’D WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. YOU’RE TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE AND SOME OF THOSE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU THAT YOU MAY NOT GIVE THE TIME OF DAY MAY BE IN THE SAME SITUATION AS YOU. THEY MIGHT BE BETTER FRIENDS THAN THE ONES YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH TOO.