summary: the one where a husband and wife fix their marriage.
warnings: angst, some possible sensitive topics.
pairings: harry styles x fem!reader
wc: 1772, they'll get longer dw :)
AUG. 2019
Manchester, England.
It was late at night when you heard the front door open and then close. “Baby, I’m home!” You heard your husband call out from downstairs.
“Up here in the bathroom, my love!” You called out to him.
Harry walked into the master bathroom and you set your toothbrush down and wiped your mouth on the towel that was hanging up. “Hi, lovie.” You hummed contently as he wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder.
“Hi.” He whispered back and pressed a kiss to your neck. “Missed you so much today.”
You smiled at him in the mirror. “I missed you too, wanna go to bed?”
JAN. 2022
Manchester, England.
You stare blankly at yourself in the mirror. No hands were wrapped around your waist, no chin on your shoulder, irking you to go to bed. The lighting in here is terrible, it makes your green undertones really show and your eyes look dull. You bend down to reach into the drawer to grab your curling iron and accidentally knock over his cologne. “Damn it.” Tears pierce your eyes as you stand back up with your curling iron.
You curl your hair into loose curls and finish getting ready. You grab your phone, keys, and purse from the dining table and head out the door and into your car. “It’s okay, todays the day you’re gonna start fixing your marriage.” You tell yourself in your rear view mirror before heading to the counselors office.
You arrive at the old building ‘Here To Help’ written on their sign with hearts and a stick family drawn on it. You take a deep breath before stepping out of your car. You look around the parking lot and don’t see His car parked anywhere. You fold your lips in and walk in the front door.
“Hello! Last name?” A cheerful lady at the front desk greets you.
You give her a half smile and lean on the counter in front of you. “Styles.”
The woman nods and hands you a clipboard with some paperwork attached to it and a pen. “Here you go, just fill this out and Dr. Melia will be out in just a few.”
“Great, thank you.” You sat down on one of the brown leather couches and started filling out the forms. It’s the normal stuff; phone number, social security numbers, address, etc.
Your leg bounced up and down as you kept glancing at the door waiting for him to come and when he finally did, you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding in.
“Hey,” He said as he approached you. “Sorry I’m late, the meeting went long.”
You nodded slowly and stood up to take the clipboard back up to the front desk. “It’s fine, I just finished filling out the paperwork.” You took it to the nice lady and then returned to your seat.
Dr. Melia walked out into the waiting room and looked down at her clipboard to read off your names. “Y/N and Harry Styles?” She called out and you both stood up. “Hi, I’m Dr. Melia.”
“Hello.” You both said in unison and smiled.
She started walking and you both followed her. “Right this way and I’ll take you to my office.”
You walk down the hallway and make your way to a small office containing a couch, desk, and chair across from the couch. “Have a seat anywhere you’d like.” She let you both go in first and you sat down on the large red velvet couch.
“Well it’s really nice to meet you both,” She sat down in the chair. “I’ll just reintroduce myself quick and then we can get started; I’m Charlotte Melia and I’ll be helping you both get through whatever troubles you’ve been having. Please never be afraid to open up about something, this is a judge free zone and please don’t interrupt each other. The point of these sessions is to grow and listen. Any questions before we start today?”
You shake your head and twist your engagement and wedding rings on your finger out of anxiety.
“I don’t think so.” Harry said and started bouncing his leg up and down.
Charlotte grabs her clipboard and looks over it quickly. “Alright, let’s get started then. Let’s just start off with you both introducing yourselves, tell me a little about yourselves and give me some background, ‘kay?” She looks at you both and nods her head. “Let’s start with you first, Mr. Styles.”
“I’m Harry, I’m uh, twenty-nine years old, and I’m a singer.” He sighs and glances over at you. “And I uh, blame myself for this situation.”
“I’m Y/N Styles, I’m twenty-six, I’m an actress,” You could feel Harry staring at you. “And I think we’re both to blame for this.”
Charlotte nodded slowly. “Alright well again, it’s wonderful to meet you both. Is there any specific reason why you’re here today?”
“You’re a marriage counselor and you’re asking why-” Harry started to say.
“Mr. Styles, what I mean is what lead you to come here?” She interrupted him.
“Well I suggested it a couple of weeks ago on the phone while Harry was finishing his last show before getting a break on tour.” You spoke up and weaved your hands together. “We uh, lost our baby to S.I.D.S a couple of months ago and it’s just been really hard for the both of us.” You felt a lump in the back of your throat.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.. You’re still living together, correct?” She asked and you both nodded. “Great, what’s it like at home? Any affection, or communication? What does a normal day at home look like? Let’s start with Y/N.”
“Well,” You sighed. “There really isn’t much communication, there’s a lot of tension. When it comes to affection, it’s a lot of fake sympathetic words, or venerous gestures. I’m not blaming him though, it’s me as well. Some days are just long and hard and usually end up with one of us sleeping in a different room than the other.” You bite the inside of your cheek. “I just don’t feel as loved as I used to.”
She nodded. “You know, I see hundreds of couples and with all of them, losing a child really can tear a family apart.” She looked at your paper again. “You guys have been married for four years and together for six, there’s always a point in marriage where you’re past the honeymoon stage and past the ‘oh we’re going to grow old together’ stage, and to the stage where life really hits you and it’s not as easy as it seems. And I think you guys have been there for awhile.”
“I agree.” You comment. “But it’s worse, there’s no-no sympathy for each other.”
The room stays silent for a moment before Charlotte spoke up. “Mr. Styles, tell me about how you feel at home.”
“I agree with what she said but I feel like I’m being constantly judged by her and she can’t accept my work life. Both of us, we just… I don’t want her to leave me, it haunts me and I can’t lose her too. I’m willing to do anything to keep her in my life.”
“That’s totally understandable, Mr. Styles. I’m glad you’re willing to fix your marriage, it’s a good start,” She chuckled. “Not a lot of couples are willing to do that, I really appreciate it.”
You and Harry look at each other and you look down to your hands and then back to Charlotte. “Where do we start?”
“We’re going to start from square one. You’re both going to tell me how you met and be as precise as you can with your feelings.”
You opened your mouth to speak but Harry had beat you to it. “My point of view is much more interesting, lovie. Let me start?” He questioned and you nodded your head, a light smile appearing on your face.
“Let’s start with you then, Mr. Styles..”
OCT. 2015
You and your family were on a trip to the Bahamas, a place you’d always dreamed of going but never thought would happen because you didn’t have the most money growing up but since you started gaining more traction as an actress, the money started coming in and you wanted to do something for your family.
You were at the beach with them, tanning when a very attractive young man and his four other friends sat their things next to yours and started messing around, getting sand all over you. "What the hell?" You said, taking off your sunglasses and looking at them.
"Woah, I'm so sorry, Miss. I swear I didn't see you laying there, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Harry rambled nervously.
"No.. it's fine." You sighed.
Ever since that interaction, you both saw each other more at the resort you were staying at and became a lot closer too and you two became inseparable.
"God, I really like her." Harry said one night to Niall. "She gave me her number.. Should I text her?"
"Mate.. Why would she give you her number if she didn't want you to text her?" Niall responded, raising a brow.
"Right.. You're right."
JAN. 2022
"Alright, Harry what were your first impressions of Y/N?" She questioned him.
"She was so perfect, and the sweetest thing ever," He shakes his head. "Definitely the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes on. When I saw her I couldn't look away from her, just her energy, her walk, and um.. her sexiness was what started it. Even though the band was going through some stuff, yeah, she still enchanted me."
You looked at Harry and smiled slightly.
"Okay.. You can continue."
-
OCT. 2015
"God, I really hope I'm not just making a fool out of myself." He whispered to himself as he approached you. "Hey, Y/N,"
"Hi, Harry."
"Would you like to go out on a date with me?"
"Took you long enough."
And with that, you guys were married within a couple years.
-----
a/n: here's pt 1!!! so excited for this series :))
In which you take a phone call and Harry can’t do this anymore.
This is uncomfortable.
Not that he’s the bragging type, but he’s been to his fair share of new places. And with new places come a fresh panel of strangers, different energies in a room, new scenery even. He’s seen a lot, been around and experienced enough, so he likes to think that there’s no social scenario that can off put him.
But he was very, very, wrong. And he can’t believe that he had even suggested the idea.
“Could be good fo’ her,” he insisted, “y’know?”
And yes, you did know. In fact you had been keen on the idea for a while and it was him, up until now, who had been adamantly pushing back against the suggestion of inviting in a new chapter. The ‘co-parenting chapter’ not so fondly known by him.
“I love that idea!” and just getting you to agree with him on something made his stomach flutter, which is likely what prompted him to suggest it in the first place.
It’s exactly what landed him here, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. One hand is stuffed awkwardly in his pocket, fingers mindlessly pushing around a piece of lint from the wash. The other has his camera, thumb locked and loaded, so any time Angel Baby decides to look cute (which is always, that’s why he’s got an entire cupboard full of processed digital photos) he’s prepared to eternally document it.
You had set it up nice. Very artistic in a vintage kind of way, that’s what he told you when he met you at the park. And he liked that you packed that Barbie doll angel baby loves, the one that’s been ridden hard and long and was missing a foot.
“She’s gotten bigger,” he mused, a shameless attempt to break the silence.
“Bigger than when she was with you last Thursday?”
He had almost forgotten she’d slept over at Anne’s with him the weekend before. Days in between his time with Angel Baby felt like painfully long, drawn out weeks. A fear of his, regardless of whether or not it was realistic, was that for every minute he spent in separation from her she’d have gotten a little taller or a little older. She’d lose a tooth and he couldn’t play tooth fairy, or she’d have a nightmare and he couldn’t be the one to hold her tight to his chest so she felt safe enough to fall back asleep.
“Everything going good?” Your uppity tone makes his neck twirl to look at you, “like, you know, with the music and the new album?”
He can appreciate you taking interest in his work, and he doesn’t care if you’re just trying to make small talk as the two of you look on at Angel Baby collecting random blades of grass. He’d like to think you’re feeling just as awkward as he is. Are your palms clammy too? He’s wondering if you have that weird, knotted pit in your stomach like he does.
“Yeah,” he nods, “mhm, all good, goin’ real well. S’a process ‘nd all.”
He feels stupid. What a stupid answer, especially because you say nothing back to him and the conversation went right to the graveyard and buried itself 6 feet under.
There was a time where conversations never were like this between the two of you. In fact, they were some of the very best times of his life to date. Not one moment would pass by where the two of you weren’t chatting about something, usually nothing at all really. The banter would ramble on and on. And talking to you felt easy, comforting even, like he had a soundboard to voice off of and a partner who never tired in stimulating his thought process. It never felt like this, like it does right now; forced, uncomfortable, dreary and even a little sad.
“Daddy,” Angel Baby’s voice comes to him in a wave of sing-song, paired with a big grin, “play princesses with me!”
There’s next to nothing in this world that she could ask of him where he wouldn’t immediately agree to her. He’s fully at her Beck and call. No was a word she seldom heard come from Harry, so naturally he agrees.
“I’m gonna answer this call,” and he fights off the frown creeping up on him as he sees your face light up at the caller ID, “do you mind?”
Reluctantly, he shakes his head in a way affirmative enough for you to practically skip off. And when you’re far enough away, out of earshot beneath the shards refuge of an old tree, he lets out the disappointed sigh he’d been swallowing.
“Daddy,” angel baby’s tone is melancholy, frowning as she places her face directly in front of Harry’s, “you’re sad.”
“Sad?” He inquires playfully, though forced, “m’not sad, poppet. Couldn’t be sad when y’with me.”
She doesn’t want to giggle when Harry’s like this, all down in the mouth and out of his element. The two of them are almost alarmingly in sync with one another. When he feels a certain way she never fails to tap into it, like a weird sort of telepathic type of connection. But she can’t ward off the shrill of a belly laugh that bubbles out of her, serene music to Harry’s ears, when he grazes his fingers atop her belly to start tickling her.
“Who was that?”
He doesn’t know why he asked, because that’s rude. And if you don’t tell him, he has to understand that it’s perfectly fine if you don’t want to share. He’s not in the position to be invasive anymore, it was a privilege he surrendered when he put his signature on the divorce papers. But it didn’t stop him from wanting to know, just for the sake of curiosity.
“What?”
“On the phone,” he repeats, tone a little more shy, “sorry, was rude of me t’ask.”
“Oh,” your nervous laugh was enough of an answer in itself, “just my sister.”
For all the years you’ve known him, shared a bed with him, woke up in the morning and fell asleep at night with him, if not for the fact that the product of your love for one another was sat beside him eating a cookie and brushing the hair of an American Girl Doll, he’d have liked to think you’d know he’d realize you were lying.
There’s no sense in pressing you though, so he doesn’t. Anymore detail you provided would just be twisting the knife.
He’s bitten off more than he could chew. There was no sufficient amount of mirror pep talks or hours worth of phone calls to his mother that could have prepared him for this. The only time the two of you had really spent together post divorce, before his lackluster suggestion of a family picnic, was at Angel Baby’s birthday party three months ago. Even than, it was chalk full of other people to mingle with and not just the intangible concept of the family unit he had just a year ago.
This is too fucking hard.
“I can’t do this.” He breaths it out almost all in one word, “I really just.. can’t”
He doesn’t want to disappoint Angel Baby, but if he doesn’t leave now he very well may cause a scene in front of the few stray bystanders loitering in the park. So he sturdiest himself up until he can crouch down, stroking the top of Angel Baby’s head before finishing with a long kiss to the part of her hair.
“Can you stay,” she whines, jutting her lip to really put an emphasis on her begging?, “just 3 more!”
He has to refuse, though he wishes he could just tough it out for her. He can’t though, and while you’re bewildered for a minute, a good look at the expression on his face tells you exactly why he’s in such a rush to book it to his car.
“You can stay,” you insist, to which Angel Baby violently nods in agreement, “and we can walk to the edge of the pond to-“
“I can’t” and now his voice is completely defeated, “(Y/N), I really can’t,”
You let out a defeated, solemn sigh, “Harry we talked about this. It’s not gonna be easy but with time-“
“S’never gonna ease with time,” and now he’s getting up to leave, “m’trying but I just can’t, this is too hard,”
And as excruciatingly hard as it was to play his role in the united family forefront bit, something he used to never have to force, walking away with his back to you was even harder.
a/n: i wrote this after i couldn’t get tickets to see hslot (thx ticketmaster!). this is a love on tour, harry styles au romance about a girl with anxiety meeting someone who helps her become who she is. with the band follows oc izzy, 24, as she finally breaks away from her parents and goes to a concert that changes her life. izzy = little miss obsessed with love but doesn't believe it will happen to her.
this is my first story post to tumblr, so you’re my first readers. thanks for reading. usual copyright stuff: this is my original work, do not repost without permission. but please reblog. let me know if you see any more copies on wattpad :)
prologue sometimes i think love is for other people
This is so long overdue and I apologize for such a long wait but here it is!! I hope you guys enjoy and as always requests are slow, but always open!
Description: over 6k words, dad!Harry, husband!Harry, Pregnant Y/n, Angst, Fluff.
Masterlist can be found here!
Sometimes when you’re pregnant all you need is a little break...
Kids: Connor (2), Rebecca (1)
You felt like a whale, and not one of those cute baby whales you see at the aquarium. No, you felt like a fat Blue Whale that was about to explode. You were six months pregnant and it had not been as glamorous as Beyonce made it seem. So far you had spent the first trimester throwing up at least twice a day and your second trimester going through insane hot flashes that left you contemplating whether going to the grocery store nude would be that bad of an idea. You were hoping your last trimester would be somewhat more bearable but seeing as the two devils inside you were currently competing to see who could break your rib first, you had a feeling it wasn't going to get better.
You weren't usually one to complain out loud or at least about your own personal problems, but this pregnancy, unlike your last two, was starting to get on your last nerve and so was Harry. You admit you were a bit more agitated than normal but Harry was definitely not helping. He had taken his own form of paternity leave a little over three weeks ago after a small scare you had with one of the twins. You thought that having him home so much would be amazing and you could use the extra help with Connor and Rebecca, especially since your baby girl was just learning how to properly walk. So far she had nearly cracked her head against the edge of the shoe rack in your mudroom which had led you to bubble wrap nearly every corner of your house. You were nearly at your wit's end and there seemed to be no end in sight.
Luckily today was Sunday so you let yourself indulge in a few extra hours of sleep while Harry watched the kids. You had kicked him out of bed last night because his body was like a furnace and in between the hot flashes you were having and the fact that you were feeling too insecure to lay naked next to him, you had sent him to the guest room. At 3 a.m. Harry thought nothing of it and since he was sleep deprived as well he probably jumped at the chance to get away from you and get some sleep without all of her moaning and groaning. You and Harry had spent the last week snapping at each other constantly over little things, but you hoped with a couple of more hours of sleep your hormones would cool down a bit even if your body couldn't.
The sun was already shining through the window as you rolled around to check your alarm clock that read 10:30 a.m. Well, at least you had gotten to sleep in a bit before the twins started their kickboxing match. You had just finished the ever-challenging task of sitting up on your bed when you heard two piercing cries come from downstairs. You carefully pushed off the bed and leaned against the nightstand to gain your balance before heading to your closet to get dressed. The only thing you were willing to wear these days were dresses. They were elastic, lightweight, and the only thing that you wouldn't sweat through 30 seconds after putting it on. You decided that you would try and be optimistic about the day so you wore Harry's favorite blue dress with sunflowers. You should have thrown it out after your first pregnancy but it held so many memories that you couldn't get yourself to part with it. You were just walking out of the room when a crying Connor came barreling towards your legs.
"Mama" he cried as he buried his face in your dress. You could barely see him under your belly but you wrapped your arms around his back and stroked his brown curls softly.
"What happened baby?" you asked quietly as he scrunched the end of your dress in his tiny fists and wiped his eyes.
"I play with Becca... and fell... and dada mad...and I cry" he mumbled.
"Oh, baby I'm sure it was an accident. Is Becca okay?" you asked as you grabbed his hand and started carefully walking down the stairs with Connor.
"Uh-huh mama accident" he mumbled with a slight lisp.
"That's okay, baby. I'm sure daddy was just worried and that's why he got mad. Let's go make sure Becca's okay" you replied back as you made it down the last steps of the stairs.
You waddle passed the kitchen door to find Harry sitting on a kitchen stool with your daughter in his arms, an ice pack placed on your baby girl's lip as big crocodile tears fell down her face.
"Connor I think Becca would feel so much better if you drew her one of your special pictures. Do you think you could draw her one?" you asked your baby boy as you rubbed his back.
"Yes, mama I draw. Stickers too" he mumbled as he ran into the adjacent living room.
Once your baby boy was cheerful again you made your way to your daughter and picked her up from your husband's arms.
"And what happened to you, my love? I leave you with your dada for five minutes and you get a boo-boo on your lip" you whispered to her as she tucked her face into her neck.
"Dada turned around for 2 seconds and this is what happened" Harry grumbled as he leaned against the granite countertop.
"Two seconds?" you questioned as you bounced your little girl softly. Harry groaned.
"Ok, it was like 5 minutes. Jeff called me and we were trying to figure out when would be a good time to get into the studio before you give birth and I was distracted and I heard her scream and there was blood and I yelled and Connor started to cry and..."
"Harry I told you already that you can't leave her alone. She's just figuring out how to walk and she bumps into everything. What did she even hit her lip on? Every sharp edge of the furniture is wrapped in bubble wrap." you replied harsher than you wanted too.
"I don't know (y/n). I was talking and she must have bumped her lip on the floor or maybe the bottom leg of the table? It wasn't my fault, it was an accident" He exclaimed defensively as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.
"Harry, it is your fault though. You should have been watching her while you were on the phone. You watch tv while on the phone all the time! The least you could do is watch your own children" you replied back in frustration. You weren't sure if it was your hormones or the fact that you were hungry that was causing the wave of anxiety and anger, but you had a feeling this conversation wasn't going to end well.
"I get it (y/n) I should have been watching her, but maybe if I wasn't getting kicked out of my own bed at 3 am because of your moods. I'll make you some breakfast, maybe it will make you less cranky" he grumbled as he made his way to the toaster.
"I don't want your stupid breakfast and I'm sorry if the two children you helped create make my body feel like it's burning. Maybe we should get you pregnant and see what happens" You repeat harshly as you cradle your baby and went to put her down in her highchair with some cheerios.
"Love, I want to help you... I know this pregnancy has been much harder than the others but I can't help if you kick me out of our bed. You need to tell me what you want me to do" Harry pleaded as he placed some bread in the toaster and turned to face you.
"I want these babies out. I want to not be the size of a whale. I want to sneeze without peeing myself and I want to walk more than five feet without getting heartburn. I want..." you started before the tears began to fall.
"Oh baby, no" Harry mumbled before he ran around the counter to engulf you in a hug. "I know this has been hard and I'm sorry I haven't been as helpful as I should have. I'll make more time for our family and I'll-"
"But I need you to actually do those things, H. You promised me when we got pregnant that you'd be finished with everything by the time the babies got fussy" You mumbled as you put your hands on his chest
"I know, love, and I am, I promise. Once the band and I record a couple more songs in the studio next week I'm all yours," he whispered as you shook your head violently.
"No! You won't be all mine. You'll find something else you'll need to do and then I'll have to watch the kids alone and I can barely walk and you're just going to leave"you all but yelled as you turned your back to Harry.
"(y/n)... what? What are you talking about? Of course, I'm going to be here. I've been home for weeks helping out" he replied back confused.
"Harry every day you've been home you're always locked away in your office or the studio downstairs. You bath the kids, you feed them lunch, great! That's the bare minimum. Who's the one that has to stop their tantrums or bubble wrap the house so they won't get hurt or even try and run around the garden with them while being the size of cow cause it sure as heck isn't you. And then once you're done with the album, you'll be on tour and I'll be alone again." you grumbled angrily.
"(Y/n) you are not the size of a cow and you know I'll give up my music the minute you tell me" he replied.
"I don't want you to give up your music" you stated stubbornly as Harry groaned.
"(Y/n), what is this really about then?" Harry asked tiredly.
"I need a break, Harry... I need to get away from here. The stress and the kids and the babies, I just... I need to go" you cried softly as you wrapped your arms around your bump and watched your baby girl play happily with her food, oblivious to the meltdown happening a few feet away from her.
"Baby, you're scaring me. What do you mean by go away? Do you want to head up north together? We can take the kids up to the cottage or visit my mum" he said quietly trying to hug you, but you stepped away.
"No Harry I need to get away from here... from you" you mumbled just as Connor walked into the room with his drawing.
"Mama look finish," he said with a squeal as you quickly wiped your tears and slowly crouched down to look at his drawing.
"It's beautiful, my love! Why don't we hang it on the fridge so Becca can see it every morning?" You replied back with a small smile as you used all of your strength to stand up again.
Harry saw you wobble slightly and quickly went to help you up from your crouched position. You leaned on his body as he steadied you from falling. You mumbled a quick thanks before going to the fridge with your little boy and helping him place his drawing on the fridge door with some magnets.
"Mommy's very tired baby, why don't you ask daddy and see if he'll make you mac and cheese for lunch while I take your sister up for her nap," you spoke to your son as he nodded with excitement. You carefully went and picked up your daughter from her high chair as Harry grabbed your elbow.
"(Y/n) come on, we're not done talking about all of this. You haven't eaten either. You've got me worried" Harry whispered as he looked at you expectantly.
"I'm not hungry now, thank you. It was a long night and I'm not feeling the best. Go make Connor's lunch, please" You replied as you began to make your way up the stairs.
You finally made it up the stairs with only a bit of heartburn to show for it. You carefully placed your baby girl in her crib and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. You whispered a quick goodbye and started packing a bag. As you threw some dresses and a couple of sweaters into a duffle bag you called Anne who thankfully picked up on the first ring.
"Hello (y/n), how are you? How are the babies" she spoke cheerfully.
"Hi, Anne. I'm doing okay, the twins are definitely fighters. They're going to be a handful" you sniffled softly.
"Oh, sweetheart what's going on?" Anne asked, concern laced in her voice.
"I need to get away for awhile. Harry and the kids and the babies it's just all too much right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind and my hormones are all over the place and it's just so overwhelming and all Harry and I do is fight and I..." you said as you began to hyperventilate.
"(Y/n), I need you to breathe sweetheart, Okay? Stress isn't good for the babies and you already had that scare a couple of weeks back. Breathe love. Pregnancy can very hard and i know these twins haven't made it easy. Do you want me to yell at Harry for you?" she asked softly.
"No, no, it's okay. I just... I need to go somewhere for a couple of days. Just to get myself together before I say something or do something that I..." you started but you couldn't think straight.
"Okay love, that's okay. Everyone needs a little break every once in a while. Why don't you pack some clothes and your pregnancy pillow and come spend a couple of days here in Cheshire with me? I'll call Harry right now to tell him and he can stay and watch the kids for a bit. Why don't you call Gary and ask if he can drive you?" Anne asked.
"Yes, that sounds good" you mumbled as you began looking for your pillow.
"Ok, my love. I'll call Harry and tell him what's going on so he doesn't worry. You just message Gary, ok?"
"Yes, thank you, Anne. See you soon," you replied as Anne said her goodbyes.
After hanging up on Anne you texted Gary to ask if he could pick you up and drive you to Anne's. He agreed and told you he would be there in 15 minutes, giving you enough time to finish packing and say goodbye to your babies.
You were mid-way through packing your toiletries when you heard Harry's footsteps running up the stairs. He walked past your room and towards Connor's before making his way back to you.
"Mom just called me" he spoke softly as he approached you.
"Yes. Gary will be here soon to drive me up to her house" you replied as you placed your toothbrush in your bag and zipped it close.
"I'm glad he's driving you up... (Y/n) what's... what's going on baby. I need to know what's going through your head right now" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around your body tightly.
"My hormones have been all over the place and then I think the scare a couple of weeks ago has made me even more anxious because I don't want anything to happen to our babies and... I can't sleep well at night and I just..." you stammered as you forced yourself to take deep breaths while Harry rubbed circles into your lower back.
"Shhh, love... I know. I think staying with Mum for a couple of days will be good for you, give you some time to relax. I'll make sure the kids are okay and you just message me when you're ready to come back. I'll be just a call away if you need anything" He replied back as he continued to hug you tightly.
"You're not mad at me?" you asked as you looked him in the eye for the first time since your breakdown in the kitchen.
"Of course not, love. I know this pregnancy has been hell for you and I haven't been the best support these past couple of days so I think it will be good for you to have some time to yourself. I'll make sure the kids are ok and if I need I'll call up Gemma. Now, come on, Gary's waiting outside for you. I'll bring your bag and your pillow while you say goodbye to Connor and Becca" he stated as he placed a soft kiss to your forehead before grabbing your bags and heading down the stairs.
Carefully you slipped on your Dr.Scholls flip flops and made your way to Connor's room to say goodbye. Connor was playing with his blocks on the floor happily as you quietly called out his name as you went to take a seat on the rocking chair in his room. Connor stared up at you with a smile and ran over to hug you.
"Mama look blocks," he said excitedly as he pointed at the tower he had abandoned.
"Yes, baby it's a beautiful tower. Listen, love, mommy has to tell you something, ok? I want you to listen to mommy, ok? Can you listen to mommy?" you asked your little boy as he shook his head vigorously.
"Mommy's going to go spend a couple of days with Grandma Anne while you and Becca stay with daddy. You guys are going to have so much fun together! You're going to play lots of games together and maybe in a couple of days, you can come to visit." You spoke as the little boy frowned.
"I no go grandmas?" He asked quietly as he frowned.
"No baby, not yet. You have to stay and help daddy with Becca. Can you do that for me?" you explained to Connor as he nodded his head and hugged you tighter.
"Thank you, Connor. You're getting to be such a big boy. Thank you for watching your sister for me. Why don't you come with me so I can say bye to Becca and we can meet daddy downstairs" you mumbled as you stood up while taking your son's hand and slowly made your way to Becca's room.
Becca was peacefully sleeping in her crib when you walked in. You didn't want to wake her up and make Harry's day more difficult than it already was so you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and made your way downstairs. Harry was at the door talking with Gary, most likely giving him instructions on getting me safe to Anne's. Harry saw you from the corner of his eye and quickly came to help you down the last few steps. Once you had made it to the bottom, Harry went to grab a lunchbox from the kitchen and passed it to you.
"Packed you a couple of snacks and a sandwich for the road and some of those weird gummies you've been craving," he stated, a small smile on his face as he crouched down to pick up your two-year-old in his arms.
"Say bye-bye to mamma, Connor. We'll see her in a couple of days." Harry mumbled to the little boy that pouted as he waved his little hand goodbye.
"Bye mama" Connor whispered as you kissed his forehead. You smiled with watery eyes as you said goodbye to your little boy before looking at Harry.
"I love you (y/n)" He told you as you whispered a soft 'I love you" back. You gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before walking outside to meet Gary.
You greeted Gary and got into the back seat of the black suburban that would be driving you to Anne's. By the time you rounded the end of your street you were fast asleep.
I was officially going to lose it. I had been close over the years, but if either one of my kids cries one more time today I was going to have a mental breakdown. It had been four days since (Y/n) had gone to my mum's house and I had been left to watch the kids by myself. If there's anything I've learned from the last couple of days it's that my wife is fucking Wonder woman. I don't know how she managed to keep it together for so long because I was falling apart at the seams already.
It's not like I hadn't taken care of the two of them by myself before. I had numerous times when (Y/n) had worked late shifts at the hospital or had taken a weekend trip with her friends but for some reason, these past couple of days have been far worse than any of the previous ones. Becca had made it her absolute mission to try and run herself into every corner she could. So far she had managed to fall at least four times, all ending with a minimum three-hour cry afterward. Connor tried to help calm down Becca but most of the time he would just get upset because she was and they both end up crying. Yesterday had been the breakpoint for me though.
I had managed to keep Becca and Connor from crying all afternoon which was quite a miracle and just as I was putting them to bed, Becca saw a picture of (Y/n) in the hallway and began to scream for (y/n). This consequently woke Connor up who also cried because he could go to sleep so the three of us ended up in (y/n) and I's bed cuddled in the sheets as both of my kids cried through the night. The only person I knew that could fix this situation besides (Y/n) was Gemma and after practically begging her and promising to not be a dick when she came she said yes to helping me out.
After giving up on trying to get the kids out of their pajamas, I grabbed them both in my arms and walked them downstairs to start on some breakfast. They seemed to have tired themselves out with all of their crying so for the time being, they sat down quietly in their respective chairs and munched on their cheerios. I had just finished up making some Oatmeal when the doorbell rang, signaling that Gemma had arrived.
"Mama" Connor mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.
"No baby not mama yet, but aunty Gemma came to visit. Should we go open the door?" I asked as he nodded excitedly.
I grabbed Becca out of her high chair and held Connor's hand as we made our way to the door. As soon as I opened it Connor sprinted into Gemma's arms in a fit of giggles. It was nice to hear him laugh after all the crying that had been going on these past couple of days. I gave Gemma a quick kiss on the cheek before letting her in and walking back into the kitchen.
"Looking a little rough there Har. When's the last time you shaved those whiskers on your lip" Gemma laughed as she grabbed Becca from my arms and held her.
"Shut it. I haven't slept in days. Feel like I'm losing my mind" I mumbled as I poured the oatmeal into two bowls.
"You want anything to eat? Can make some toast and scrambled eggs" I asked as Gemma shook her head.
"Mama mama" Becca mumbled as she clawed at Gemma's shirt.
"I might have boobs like mama but mine, unfortunately, can't give you what you want little one" Gemma replied back as I laughed.
"Lot's of missing mama this week from all of us. Have you gotten a chance to check in with mom yet? See how (y/n)'s doing? Didn't want to be annoying so I haven't called since the first day" I stated as I placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of Connor and gave the other to Gemma to start feeding Becca.
"Mom said she's been okay. I think the fresh air is helping but her hormones are still all over. Mom said she was feeling a bit insecure about her size the other day but was starting to get better about it." Gemma replied as she fed Becca a spoonful of oatmeal.
"Insecure? She's pregnant. I think she's glowing. Nothing more beautiful than a pregnant lady" I said with a frown think about (Y/n).
"I know but Tracey always says that being the pregnant one is different. It feels like everyone's always watching you and now that she has twins she feels even bigger. One baby is bad enough but two of them with your big head inside at once can't be at all comfortable" Gemma said.
"I know but she's big because she has two of my babies and I think she looks breathtaking."
"Did you tell her that recently?" Gemma asked.
"Well... no ... maybe I- I think so" I mumbled as Gemma glared at me.
"I know I know I should have told her more often but I got busy and then Jeff kept calling and she'd kick me out of bed and-"
"Harry everything you just said is why (Y/n) needed a break. You hadn't been paying attention to her at all or the kids because you were so caught up in work. Now that you've realized that as a parent of two and two on the way you need to step it up because your wife can't do it by herself. You can't overwhelm yourself with work especially with the scare (Y/n) had a couple of weeks back."
"I know I know, but I don't know how to help her if she pushes me away" I replied back in frustration.
"Why don't you start by calling Jeff and canceling all those recording sessions you have planned. I know your job and your music is important but you need to put your family first and the health of your wife and your babies" Gemma stated as she wiped some oatmeal off of Becca's cheek.
"I already did! Once (Y/n) left I canceled all of the sessions and interviews and meetings that I couldn't do from home. Told Jeff that after this week I was officially going on a break until after the twins are born and we're all settled." I replied as I passed Connor a napkin for his sticky hands.
"Well did you tell (Y/n) or mom any of this cause (Y/n) is so stressed you'll miss the birth of the babies cause of your work!" Gemma said sternly as she looked at me.
"Bu-but why would she think I'd miss it! Haven't missed any of the births or her appointments?" I groaned.
"I think she's just scared. You were out of town when the bleeding started and she was an absolute wreck when I took her to the hospital. Doctors said they had to give her a sedative because she nearly had a panic attack in the ER and her blood pressure skyrocketed. Mom said she was panicking on the phone when she called her" Gemma replied as she bounced Becca up and down on her lap.
"Careful, she'll vomit. God, I wish I could just see (Y/n) but I don't want to make things worse"
"I think both of you suffered enough with this time apart so why don't you call mom and tell her you and these little rascals are coming up today. Once you called me I texted mom to let her know you'd probably make an appearance today" Gemma replied as she tickled Becca's tummy.
"You're right, I should. I'm going to call mom and let her know. Can you pack Becca a bag and maybe change her diaper?" I asked as I made my way to go find my phone upstairs.
"Bag, yes. Diaper, hell no" Gemma mumbled as I laughed.
Today was a good day. You had managed to make it the entire morning without crying which is more than you can say for the other three days you had spent at Anne's house. It looked like you had finally managed to get your hormones under control and were even excited to spend the day in town with Anne. You had promised her that after moping around her house since you got there that you would spend today with her in town as long as you could stop to get one of those chocolate croissants Harry always brought from the bakery.
You waddled down the stairs in the navy blue Gucci dress Harry bought you for Christmas that cinched just above your belly, making you look all the more pregnant. You didn't necessarily like it the first couple of times you tried it on but every time you wore it Harry's face would light up with a smile and that was enough for you to wear it a bit more often.
"Good morning (Y/n), how did you sleep last night? Did the ice pack behind your neck help with the hot flashes?" Anne asked as she sipped her cup of coffee at the kitchen table.
"It was a miracle worker, first time in months that I haven't woken up in a puddle of my own sweat" you replied back as you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and sat down next to her.
"I'm glad. I know you're not a tea drinker but can I get you some decaf or maybe some hot chocolate? I think I have some from the last time you guys were over" Anne replied as she got up to get her a mug.
"Hot chocolate sounds wonderful. I can make it though don't worry" you said as Anne waved you away and began taking out the chocolate mix.
"So how are you feeling today? Better with the hormones and such?" Anne asked cautiously as she stirred the hot chocolate and placed it in front of you.
"I've gotten them under control for the most time, I usually only feel like crying when I to miss Harry and my other babies. Wish they could have come up for a bit but it's been nice to spend some time with you and away from the chaos."
"It's been very nice having you here and I can't wait to meet two more of my grandbabies. Speaking of Harry, he called me this morning?" Anne mumbled into her coffee.
"Is he ok? Are my babies ok? Is someone hurt?" You questioned with a jump.
"Everyone's fine don't worry. Just wanted to see how you were doing." Anne replied. You relaxed back into your seat knowing that everyone was ok at home.
"Thank god. I was worried about leaving them with Harry. He's a great dad, but they can be a handful especially if they tag team you with the crying. It's enough to pull your hair out" you mumble as Anne laughs.
"I can only imagine. Gemma was pretty calm as a child, but Harry was my little attention seeker, couldn't put him down without the tears starting"
"Becca's the same way. If you leave her alone more than a quick bathroom break she'll start screaming her head off. I miss them..." you stated as you grabbed a biscuit and shoved it in your mouth.
"Well a little birdy might have mentioned that someone special could be coming up later today" Anne mumbled trying to hide her grin behind her mug.
"What? What do you mean? Is Harry coming up here?!" You asked excitedly as you nearly drop your coffee mug on the floor.
Anne nodded as you crushed her into bear hug and placed a kiss to her cheek.
"Thank you thank you" you whispered as you held her tight.
"It was all Gemma, dear. And besides, I think you both could really use it. From what I hear my grandkids aren't making it the easiest time. They should be here within the next half hour so why don't you go get dressed and I'll get the kids room all set up for them?" Anne replied as she carefully helped you stand and walked you up the stairs.
Once upstairs, you could help but let out a small squeal at the idea of finally seeing Harry and your kids again. It had only been a couple of days and even though you always love spending some girl time alone with Anne, it was time to see all of your babies (Harry included). You decided to take a quick shower before throwing on a coral pink wrap dress that cut off just above the knee. Just as you were putting on your sneakers (probably the most comfortable shoes you own tbh) Anne knocked on the door to tell you that Harry's car had just pulled into the drive way. You smiled and quickly finished tying your shoes before carefully, but quickly, made your way down the stairs and to the front door.
The sight in front of you was almost too much for you to handle. Connor stood at the side of the car staring at the birds playing the bird feeder. His foot pajamas were covered in what you could only assume was banana stains and the shoe laces on his Gucci sneakers were untied. Your husband stood with his back to you as he wrestled with the fussy one year old in the car street. His pajama pants were riding low on his hips and the white cotton t shirt he sometimes wears to bed had a large stain on his right shoulder, most likely from burping Becca. Just as you were about to approach your little family when suddenly you son came running towards you.
"Mama mama... I here" Connor called out as he hurled himself towards you.
"I see that baby! How are you? Were you good for dada?" You asked him as you carefully lifted him up in your arms and nodded his head.
"I good mama. I good" he stated enthusiastically as you placed a kiss to his cheek.
"How is my favorite grandbaby boy doing? Come with me so your mommy can go help daddy with Becca" Anne stated as Connor all but launched himself at his grandma with a squeal.
You gave Anne a smile before walking over to Harry. You tapped on his shoulder and watched as his shoulders relaxed and he carefully turned around to see you. The weeks could be seen right on his face. His hair was shooting out every which way, a curl follow over his eyes every now and then. There was also a slight hint of stubble across his chin which you knew only appeared after he had gone a couple of days without shaving. The stain on the shoulder of his pajama shirt wasn't the only one on his shirt as you saw a couple splatters of green which you could only assume was peas. He was mess all over, but he was your mess. He gave you the soft smile that you fell in love with all those years ago and you practically tumbled into his arms.
"Hello my love" he mumbled into your hair as he brushed a strand of it behind your ear while rubbing his other hand up and down your back.
"Hi H" you whispered as tears began to prick your eyes.
"I missed you so much, the kids and I were a mess without you but I hope you got to relax a bit" Harry whispered into your ear.
"It was nice, but I missed you all a lot. I hope they weren't to much trouble" you mumbled into his neck.
"Let's just say it's a miracle we didn't get a noise complaint from all of the crying but we survived... barely." Harry replied as you laughed.
The two of you stood there for a bit before you began to hear your daughter's soft whines coming from the open car door. You carefully detached yourself from Harry and made your way to your daughter who sat in her car seat, eyes wide looking at the two of you.
"Hello baby. How is my precious girl doing? Did you make daddy's life difficult?" you mumbled in a baby voice as you picked her up from her car seat and cradled her into your neck.
She let out a soft whine before snuggling into your chest and closing her eyes again.
"All she needed was her mama" Harry replied as he wrapped his arms around you from behind and placed a kiss to your temple.
"All I needed was you" you whispered back as you placed a soft kiss to his lips.
“Ah, c’mon H, I’m sorry!” Benny was trailing behind a stomping Harry attempting to get him to understand his remorse. “Listen, I didn’t plan for tonight to go down the way it did...you know that if I had any idea she was going to show up I wouldn’t have asked you to come with!”
Harry suddenly spun around just as they had stepped up to his apartment door. Face red with anger and fists clenching at the hoodie in his hands as a reminder to not hit anything, Harry got up in Benny’s face not bothering to keep his voice down.
“That’s just it, Benny! Never wanted to go in the first place, but you always have to push and push!” Benny cast his head down slightly, furrowing his brows and clenching his jaw in frustration. He had only wanted to get his friend out of hiding and around good company, but he never expected her to be there. Then again, it was a very popular fair and the whole group knew that Brayley still lived in the area.
After several minutes of heavy breathing and counting back from one hundred, Harry closed his eyes and brought his hands to his face, hiding his shame in the soft black hoodie. He shook his head trying to rid his anger away the best he could. He knew it wasn’t Benny’s fault that she showed up, anyone could’ve shown and if anything, it was Harry’s fault. He was the one that dated her, not Benny or any of his other friends. Being the first time in years he had seen her, he was more than taken aback.
With a final shake of his head, he ran his hands down his face. “Just please leave. Wanna be alone for the rest of the night.” Harry turned to put the key in the lock, having a bit of trouble from his trembling hands.
“M’sorry, Harry. Really, I am.” Benny’s voice came out as a whisper and Harry knew he really meant what he said. Out of their small group of friends, Benny and Harry were the closest. He had been there on Christmas day when Harry was alone and in a fit of rage from his breakup. Had been there when Harry broke down in the worst amount of guilt and shame he had ever felt. He was the one who drove Harry to his first therapy appointment and rehab group and has never once made Harry feel badly for his past mistakes.
With these reminders, Harry turned back to his best mate, glancing up at him and offering the smallest tinge of a smile. “Yeah, I know.” He whispered. “S’ok. Just tired now. I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yeah, a’right. Goodnight, H.” Benny retreated towards the elevator just down the hall as Harry entered his apartment. He went straight to the kitchen and opened up the cabinet closest to the fridge as if on instinct. He furrowed his brow when he was met with a few glass dishes and then dropped his head in humiliation. He’s been sober for years and here he was looking for a drink. He felt sick.
Opting on a glass of apple juice, Harry sat at his dining table, staring at nothing in particular as the darkness surrounded him. The only light coming through was from the moon and Harry wondered if Brayley was laying on the beach with her new boyfriend, talking about nothing as her face split into a shit eating grin and her hands gestured wildly in the summer breeze. Tears sprung to Harry’s eyes at the image.
With a defeated sigh, Harry carefully placed his head in his palms and rubbed at his temples. The events of hours ago replayed in his head as he remembered seeing his ex-girlfriend for the first time in several years; a real wakeup call and kick in the ass if anyone were to ask how he felt the moment his eyes landed on her beautiful figure.
---------
7:18 pm
“C’mon man, it’ll be fun as shit. You know Dax will be there and he’s bringing his bag, so don’t pussy out now. Come get high with us, eat some shit food, and go on a few rides. You can’t mope around forever.”
“Y’know I don’t do that shit anymore, Benny. Stop being a dick.”
“The only one being a dick here is you, H. Just say yes, and I’ll stop askin.”
With a roll of the eyes, Harry rose from his spot on the worn leather couch to gather his keys and wallet before heading to put on some shoes. Less than pleased, he followed Benny out the door for their twenty-minute drive. Bennet had been trying to convince Harry to join him and their group out to the local fun fair, but Harry was stubborn. He didn’t want to go, didn’t want to be around other people and definitely not at a place that reminded him of his past mistakes. He eventually gave in, only wanting his friend to shut up and the night to be over. And maybe he wouldn’t mind a churro and slurpee.
7:47 pm
“All right, what’s our game plan?” Benny clapped his hands. Rubbing them together, he was way more excited than Harry thought he should’ve been upon arriving to the fair and meeting the others. It was quite a beautiful evening; seventy-some degrees with a breeze coming in from the lake. The sun was still high but would go down in the next hour or so. Laughter, music, and the squeak of rides filled Harry’s headspace and he wondered if he might actually be able to enjoy himself or at least use the pleasurable environment to lift his mood.
As promised, Dax brought his drawstring with small baggies that Harry had no interest in accepting. Jace and Brit showed up hand-in-hand, Tyson trailing behind already a bit red-eyed and too smiley. Harry loved his friends, adored them really even if they were all slight druggies who partied too much. They were good company and were the only ones who stayed after Harry’s bad breakup. His ex didn’t take a liking to them, she had thought they were bad influences that were going to take his mind off his music and ambitions. Harry hadn’t thought so and this led to more fights than he could count. Memories of past fights were interrupted by a happy Tyson.
“Hazzy bear! What is up, my guy?” Ty walked up to Harry with his arms outstretched and a goofy grin plastered on his face. He was laughing at nothing and upon pulling him into a tight hug, Harry scrunched his nose at the smell of whiskey encasing the slightly shorter man.
Harry spoke with a mixture of disgust and understanding, browns furrowed. “Tyson, you’re high as shit mate.”
“Hell yeah!” Ty bellowed out joyously, making Harry flinch and his nose turn up. He took a step back. “How much did you drink before coming here?”
“Oh c’mon, H! Don’t start with your newfound sobriety shit. I’m here for a good time, don’t ruin it!” Though his words came out seriously, Ty ended his scolding with a childish giggle. “How long you been sober for anyways, Haz?” Harry didn’t want to talk about this now. It seemed too heavy a conversation for a ‘fun’ night out. Then again, he didn’t want to draw attention to himself should Ty begin pressing for an answer.
“Three years.” His face was firm, his voice even more so, indicating the end of the conversation. His friend didn’t catch on.
“Ah, y’right, y’right. And what, no Brayley tonight?” As Tyson started to smirk, Harry grew tense and eyes widened at the sound of her name. ‘Why bring her up,’ Harry thought, ‘There’s no reason, no fucking reason.’
“What the fuck, Ty? Stop, you know that shit’s touchy.” Jace smacked Tyson on his right temple, as Benny scolded him.
“Oh, fuck off, mate. I was just messin.” Harry shook his head, eyes downcast and chest tighter than a minute ago. Though the sun was shining and weather still nice, Harry felt his body turn cold with remorse and then flush not a minute later with embarrassment.
He hated the reminder of her. Hated the constant nag of guilt that still hasn’t subsided, and as he was given a round of sympathetic glances, he felt he was going to be sick. ‘I don’t need sympathy. Don’t deserve it.’
Suddenly, there was an awkward tension amongst the small group. They all knew what happened between Harry and Brayley, how he treated her and how she left him. Harry was a wreck after but before his sadness was anger. He was pissed that she had left him, that she wasted two years of his life, and even more pissed at the idea that she had gotten with him for the money and fame. Of course, though, that wasn’t true.
When his year of anger vanished, he was hit with regret and guilt. That’s when he started his therapy for anger and rehab for alcohol. The years seem to drag day by day, yet they’ve passed so quickly. Dr. Tallon said Harry’s been getting better, giving him weekly exercises and tasks to get him through any temper fits and a prescription for the anxiety and grief that is also improving.
Harry liked Tallon, though often felt he was too therapeutic at times, way too sympathetic and kind. Harry didn’t need sympathy. He needed answers to why he did what he did, for someone to explain to him why he felt so fucked-up and broken when years ago he felt lively and powerful. Maybe soon he’ll figure it all out.
Harry was brought out of his thoughts once more as he heard Tyson slightly slur Brayley’s name again. As he spoke, Harry stalked toward Ty with a scowl on his face and fists balled at his sides. “Fuck, Tyson! Would you shut the hell up about her, already? I don’t want to hear her name come out of your mouth again or I swear-”
“Shut the fuck up, Harry.” Ty interrupted with a less than amused tone. “I only said her name because she’s here.”
Harry felt his chest cave in and for a second he couldn’t breathe. ‘Here? Right now?’
“What?” He meant for his question to come out more authoritative, but it ended up sounding quite pathetic when his voice cracked. Tyson didn’t answer. Instead, Harry felt a hand on his shoulder to turn him slightly right.
His face softened and hands carefully reopened. If anyone were to see him now, they would think he had just witnessed something magical. Maybe a love-at first sight situation or the setting of the sun on a beach with waves lightly crashing and weather just absolutely perfect. But the truth could be seen in his eyes; they were pained, so sad and shocked and confused but also happy in a way that he got to witness her beauty once more.
And there she was, wearing small jean shorts and a bleach-spotted black t-shirt that seemed to be torn from the bottom to make a crop-top depicting some sort of band that was too hard to make out from the distance. Harry couldn’t remember the last time he saw her wearing such revealing clothing. The problem with this thought was the outfit wasn’t that much revealing at all but being with Harry meant wearing clothes he deemed appropriate. The old Harry, of course, for now he understands how controlling a nature he had with Bray.
She looked amazing. She was a bit tanner than he remembered and her hair a longer length but still a wavy brown that made her look incredible. Harry couldn’t tear his eyes away from her small frame. Seeing her for the first time in so many years seemed almost mocking, as if the universe wanted to toy with him, punish him. Brayley was laughing, smiling up at this man next to her who wore a smile just as big.
-----------
11:21 pm
Harry was brought out his head when his phone buzzed from inside his jean pocket. Pulling it out, he saw a text from Tyson. ‘I’m sorry Haz. Didn’t mean to ruin our time or make you uncomfortable. Call me tomorrow? Maybe we can go to lunch when I’m not high as fuck. Love you H.’
Feeling as though he’s sighed a thousand times since he left for the fair, Harry let one escape his lips before he downed the rest of the juice in the glass. He stood to place the cup in the sink then headed for his bedroom. Harry didn’t bother taking off his clothes nor do his usual routine, he was too tired, felt his heart was still too heavy in his chest.
Harry closed his eyes and tried to allow his brain to shut down. He wanted sleep, prayed for it and for the day to be forgotten so he could move on. But as the minutes dragged into hours, Harry huffed and turned to face the ceiling. Memories of his ex at the fair began playing through his mudded mind once again, but this time, with every glimpse of her and that man she was oh so happy with that evening, came a flashback to when Harry called Brayley his.
------
8 pm
The two were in line at a cotton candy stand. Harry watched as the tall, also tanned man handed over a few bills to pay for the purple and blue swirled candy floss. He saw Brayley snap her head to the man’s face and he realized she too had her hand up with some cash, ready to pay. Harry felt his heart squeeze painfully at the sight; she was surprised at this man’s kind gesture.
November 15, 2016
Throughout their relationship, Harry had asked Brayley to pay for their meals only a few times. Brayley didn’t mind and often found herself asking to pay because she felt so lucky to have Harry in her life. She wanted to treat Harry to nice meals and hoped that those small gestures reminded him of her love.
The last time he made her pay came about unexpectedly, though, and further into their dating. Brayley thought they were having a really nice night out. Harry had finished writing for the album, had finished recording and his record was in the mastering process. Harry wanted to celebrate and Brayley hadn’t seen him so happy to go out for dinner since their very first date. When the bill came and Harry looked across the table to his girl with expecting eyes, Brayley knew the night was going to take a turn.
“I pay more than half the rent. I pay for all your car problems. I paid for your books this semester too! And what, you can’t get this one fucking food bill?” After going back and forth for several minutes, Harry tried his best to keep his voice hushed. He spoke in the most threatening tone, face hard and hands beginning to ball under the table. Brayley was surprised at his sudden anger but not as much as she wished she should have been. She was too used to his foul mood that never went away; she just didn’t think he’d bring up his paying for her as a way to make her feel guilty.
“I didn’t ask you to pay for my books.” Brayley felt defeated, utterly helpless and completely embarrassed in that moment. “You surprised me with it, and I never asked you to pay for my car maintenance either, you said you would so I could focus on my loans. And I pay you back for my share that I don’t pay outright for the apartment.” Tears started forming in the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. “Please don’t make it sound like I’m using you for money or something because we both know that isn’t true.” Throughout her pleading, her voice was soft and never once raised. She always hated that about herself; how she was never able to fight back when Harry belittled her and made her feel weak.
“Well sorry I’m just trying to be a good boyfriend, hm? Maybe you should try being a decent girlfriend sometime.” So, Brayley paid for the meal, hesitantly of course. After paying off two thousand dollars’ worth of some student loans, she was unsure if she would be able to afford their expensive Italian meals. She’d quietly asked Harry once more when she saw their waiter approaching if he could just pay for this one night, but as the young man reached the table, Harry only stared at her. She knew she was going to hear it when they got home, knew she was in for a loud and lonely night, yet again.
A few days after that date, Harry walked through the door with his hands full of Chinese take-out, ready to surprise his girl after a bit of guilt crept its way into his chest. Upon shutting the door and turning towards their bedroom, he heard Brayley crying in the hall bathroom. He pressed his ear to the door to better understand her through violent hiccups. She was confessing over the phone, to her mother he later found out, that she was late on a loan payment because she didn’t have the money right then and was now facing a hefty fee that she knew she couldn’t pay. She never brought that up to Harry and Harry never helped her out.
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8:32 pm
Brayley and the mystery man had moved to stand in line for the ferris wheel. Its slow blinking lights and very faint stereotypical clown music used to be enough to make Harry lose his ever-loving mind, but as he witnessed such a gorgeous woman be helped inside a blue-scraped car, Harry couldn’t help but feel like absolute shit. That should have been him on that ride. It should have been him she was smiling at as the wheel turned to lift them high into the sunset.
June 15, 2015
“Hey, H, could we go on the ferris wheel?” Brayley had tugged on Harry’s jacket sleeve, asking to go on her favorite ride at the fun fair. She had a soft spot for it as that was the ride her father always took her on as a child. Now she wanted to experience it with the new man in her life, her boyfriend of two years. Harry was apprehensive about even going out that night but Brayley mentioned that he promised she could pick their entertainment for the weekend.
“Don’t wanna.” Harry muttered, his mood the same as it was the moment he agreed on steeping out for the evening. He was less than pleased to go to a damned fair; he hated the noise, the children, everyone in bathing suits as they come off the beach and right onto the fair rides. He hated the fun fair, always had. Brayley was determined to get Harry on the ride. She thought he would love it, think it was somewhat dreamlike, but she was dead wrong.
“C’mon, it’ll be super cool! We’ll be able to see the whole fair and out into the lake, too. It’ll be really pretty, c’mo-”
“I said I don’t want to go on that fucking thing. Besides, we don’t have enough tickets.” As he spoke, Harry kept his eye on a football match he had pulled up on his phone that his friend Benny sent him. He took a seat on a nearby bench making Brayley talk as she followed.
“Yeah we do! S’only like four a person, I think. I can cover for both of us.” At this point, Brayley was begging for her boyfriend to do something with her, something she enjoyed for once.
As he tried listening to what she was telling him, Harry missed the main point of the video, getting frustrated at his girlfriend’s voice. “I don’t want to! Why can’t you just accept that?” He barked at Bray, resulting in her frame deflating and face flushing from his scolding.
But just like every day, her voice was the softest she could make it. “Because I wanted to do something fun with you.”
“I brought you to this damn fair, didn’t I? What, you’re not having fun?” Harry set his phone on his lap, putting all his attention on the girl in front of him. He knew that if he focused on her she would get slightly uncomfortable at the confrontation-like position of them and stop asking.
Brayley knew at this point he wasn’t going to change his mind. But, maybe guilt-tripping him a little would get him to soften up. “We haven’t really done anything except eat and watch people play games...”
Then again, he’s never been soft with her. “You know what? Go on the stupid thing your damn self. I’ll wait here until you’re done.”
That’s how Brayley ended up in the single rider’s line, waiting her turn to be ushered into a tiny swaying cat. She wanted to be excited but part of her was embarrassed to be standing where she was as she witnessed dozens of smiley couples get into their own little car. She was brought out of her sadness when the worker opened her side of the gate to let her into a shining red one with a young man already inside. Confused, she stepped up and in, taking a seat next to the other single rider as he latched the safety bar across their laps.
“Hi, I’m Chris.” His voice was kind, soothing and distracting as he stuck his hand over to shake hers.
“Brayley, nice to meet you.” She offered a kind smile.
Chris returned the gesture. “You as well. So, nobody to ride with, huh?
“Yeah, no. Unfortunately, not. I didn’t see you in the single line?” Maybe small talk will make this experience way less awkward.
“Yeah, my boyfriend was with me, but he chickened out at the very last second. Had to be let out but he said he’d get us some corndogs while I took a quick round.” Chris was nice, super nice. He seemed really sweet as well and as the two slowly moved then stopped every so often to let on new riders, she found herself becoming comfortable next this stranger. She had completely forgotten about her small tuff with her own boyfriend just across the way from her, but she didn’t care. She wanted a minute to herself to be in the company of someone who didn’t have a scowl on their face every second of the day.
When the ride ended and the two strangers said their goodbyes, Brayley made her way over to Harry. It should be noted that he had witness the entire exchange between the two just moments ago and was not very thrilled at the idea of his girl talking to another man.
That night, Harry broke three plates and five glass cups after accusing Brayley of finding her ferris wheel partner on purpose to make him jealous. She fell asleep in the guest room; too upset to sleep next to her boyfriend’s hard, whiskey-filled body, and too afraid to confront him the next morning.
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9:47 pm
Harry unapologetically had watched his ex and her new man walk to the opening gate of the beach. Benny was trying to get his attention but as he pressed Harry to stand from the food truck-provided bench, he was met with a deep huff and child-like cross of the arms. A real pouter if he’d ever seen one. The two lovebirds seemed to float over the sand with hands interlocked. Slowly, she placed her opposite atop the man’s forearm. Resting it there gently, she glanced up as if to see if he was angry at the action, to see if he would pull away and scold her for touching him. But he didn’t. Instead he leaned down and placed a delicate kiss right above her brows and then another on the top of her head when she blushed furiously and looked towards the ground, biting her lip to tame the smile stretching across her now reddened face. It made Harry sick. He longed for a chance to do that with her; hold her hand and lie on the beach to watch the stars shine above.
October 3, 2016
“Stop.” Brayley laugh at Harry’s deep tone, thought it was a playful demand. “Said stop, Brayley.” Impatient. Again, she tried slipping her hand into Harry’s to thread her thin fingers through his thick, ring-covered ones. He wasn’t best pleased at the final attempt. “Brayley! What the fuck, I said stop!”
Harry had fully turned toward his girl with arms down by his sides and fists balled. He took a threatening step forward, warning her that should she try again he would flip immediately. Brayley backed down, like a dog submitting to another to show they understand the others dominance. “Sorry...I thought you were just messing around...”
Harry wanted to scoff at such a pathetic reply. Wanted to laugh in her face for trying to ease his anger but instead he surrendered to the fire burning hot in his chest. “You always think I’m pissing around when I’m not. You joke too fucking much and it’s annoying as hell.” With one last glare, he turned to continue down the wooden path that lead to a bench-filled side of the beach. They were to have a picnic and watch the sunset. Brayley already felt too uncomfortable to continue the night. “Sorry.” She whispered, though Harry was already several yards away.
A little while later, when the sandwiches were devoured and lips stained red with wine, Brayley looked over to her boyfriend of two years. In her slight haze of a mind, she forgot about his flaws, how he treated her like trash and did almost everything but make her feel loved and secure. She saw him for his outward beauty. How it augmented when the sun was low enough to cast such a magnificent golden glow upon his tanned skin and made Harry close his eyes ever so softly to bask in its brilliance.
Without much thought to anything at all, Brayley leaned over the picnic basket, closed her eyes, and pressed her cold lips to Harry’s warm ones. His eyes flew open at the sudden pressure and hands jutted to pull her away. “Brayley, are you fucking kidding me?” He seethed.
Out of breath and slightly confused on what had just happened, Bray furrowed her brows and returned to her original place on the blanket. She thought for a minute then tried her hand at reasoning. “There’s not many people around...I just wanted to give you a kiss...”
Harry was more than fed up with her excuses. “Doesn’t matter! I don’t like PDA, you know that. So why do keep trying to kiss me and hold my hand? I hate it when you do that shit in public. I told you to just fucking stop!” Properly shouting at this point, the pair caught the attention of passerby who wore sympathetic smiles, that is if they dared to look over.
“M’sorry. Won’t do it again.” Another whisper. She was too embarrassed to look over.
Hours pass by and the pair remained on the blue checkered blanket, but now Harry had laid down with his feet buried in the still hot sand and sweater-clad arm resting over his eyes. Brayley felt fine at this point, not as loopy as she had before; Harry’s scolding sobered her quickly. But as she watched the waves crash over and over again, she felt the breeze become more intense with the passing minutes. She took a chance at asking Harry for a bit of help.
“H?” She tried. “Hey, Harry?”
“What?” A grumble, could’ve been worse.
“Would it be all right if I wore your jacket...just for a little bit? I’m getting kind of cold.” To get her point across, Brayley let out a shiver and began rubbing her hands together. Harry was having none of that, his nerves were shot way too early in the day and now he was completely done.
“Oh, you’re getting cold, huh? Didn’t I say this was gonna happen? We come to the beach at night and you think it’s gonna be like ninety degrees or some shit. I told you to bring a jacket, I told you several times, so what, now I have to be cold just because you decided to be stupid and not listen to me?”
She was too tired to argue. Tired of the way he always spoke to her and tired of the fighting. She knew if she had responded, Harry would’ve gone off and their late-night picnic on the beach would be properly ruined. So, she brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around herself before laying her right cheek against her freezing skin. Looking out into the ocean, she sent a prayer that Harry’s attitude would lighten up as quickly as the sun had set. Two hours later, she was properly shivering. Harry stood to pack up the basket and empty bottle of wine, not before commenting that her teeth chattering was the most annoying sound he’s ever heard.
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2:02 am
Harry hadn’t had a proper cry in months but after doing so he felt the smallest bit better. This was what he needed; he needed to see her one more time, had to remember all that he did in order to work through that shit that was kept mudded up in his conscious for so long. He needed to cry it out. If he was ever going to get better, be better, Harry knew it was time to put Brayley Wright behind him. Not completely forget about her because being with her taught him so much, the understanding just came too late.
Chest moving softly and slight hiccups escaping passed his lips, Harry began talking to himself. He tried to tell his mind that he was okay, that everything was going to work out no matter what, he couldn’t control fate but he could control how he lives his days from now on. As he reasoned with himself, Harry began nodding at the silent words he was thinking. He was feeling himself drift off, finally, but before sleep completely took over, Harry whispered one last line to the dark apartment bedroom: “She’s moved on. It’s time you do the same.”
Harry closed the door behind him, feeling the light rain that had started falling when he got to London. The townhouse stood there, the windows still silent, lights out, as it was still empty. He knew, though, boxes were now scattered through the floor, half open, some clothes spilling out, his few possessions thrown around as he started to unpack. He should have brought everything in his trunk, as he had said, but Hermione thought he had to have boxes, so he got boxes.
He sighed. The street was calm, only a few people wandered by, and he started to walk towards the closest take out. It was thai, and he felt a little warm inside thinking how mundane his life could be right now. It was a random thursday night and he would have thai. In his house. In muggle London. The vague memory of the months before the wedding came running back to him. After the war, his face was everywhere, everyday. His very green eyes mixed up with the fine print in the newspaper and made even less sense than the words. The trials were a collage of blurry scenes, noisy voices and solemn silence. Sometimes, he was the one speaking, but he could only hear his speeches as they were someone else’s. Diagon Alley was too loud, too full. The whispers still haunted him when he was in silence. “That’s Harry Potter!”, “Harry, a picture, please!”, “A word on Greyback’s sentence?”.
Grimmauld Place was, again, a solitude fortress. He knew people were starting to go back to their lives. Hermione and Ginny went back to Hogwarts after the reconstruction, to take their final year and get their N.E.W.Ts. Ron was looking after the shop with George, as he was in no condition to do it by himself. And Harry was just there. He read his owls as they came, answered sometimes - but Shacklebolt’s kept piling up, sometimes unopened, full of polite requests to meet the Head Auror for a job position, and even politer offers of help. Help, how would he ever need help? There was nothing else to do - or to say - anymore. It was over, done. His wand felt foreigner in his hand, his magic was unstable. Everyone knew his name, his face, his hair and his eyes, and everyone seemed to think he was wise and sure of what was right and what was not. And if you asked him, few months before, he was so sure. He knew what was right: coming back, defeating Voldemort, keeping people safe. But then? Nothing he did could change this world anymore.
So he didn’t do anything.
Ron was in and out of Grimmauld place at first. Molly and some of the boys would visit eventually. Hermione and Ginny came by during the winter break, and the first Weasley Christmas Dinner was easy to avoid. Fred wasn’t there. No one could really celebrate, not yet. When that summer arrived, though, and the girls came back from school, Ginny had been selected by the Holyhead Harpies, and went directly into training. But even as worked up with the Ministry’s business as Hermione got when she was asked to sit in the Magical Beings Law and Diplomacy Office, she was always the one to start noticing things. He put on quite a show on the first few months, changing outfits, keeping the cupboards full, even renovating some of the dark rooms in the old Black Manor. But soon she sat with him, with that know-it-all look on her face, to ask if he had actually been out of the house. He looked at his cup of tea, and hadn’t bothered to answer.
That was when the interventions started. The Weasleys sent him invitation after invitation, to dinners, teas, breakfasts, brunches, any and everything. Neville kept sending him a few plants to look after, sometimes with beautiful pictures of him travelling the world to study tropical magical flora. Ginny tried to come over more, talk to him, ask him - begging, even - to watch her matches, but he wouldn’t make it through the door. And he saw it was driving her mad. Eventually, between angry shouts, desperate sobs, warm hugs and kind words, they broke up. It was okay, honestly, he couldn’t see anything for him in the world anymore. But she had the right to live her life.
Ron and Hermione were his constant company. He knew those two would never back out on him. One day, they came to announce their wedding. He could see they were both so happy for it, but so sad they knew their best friend would not make it there. In one or two glances, he noticed part of them blamed him too. It didn’t really affect him - it was his fault from the very beginning. What was there to do? That was until the first time Luna came by. She never tried to take him out of the house, she just stayed for some time, drank some tea, and talked about the last discovery she had published at The Quibbler. Once, though, he asked her if one of those could explain why he couldn’t get out of the house. “Oh, Harry, there’s nothing magical keeping you inside”, she laughed soundly, “your problem is you can’t get out of your head”.
Not long after that, Hermione managed to convince him to start therapy. Mr. Argus, a mediwizard in his forties, started to come for an hour everyday. After a few months, Harry was given some challenges. Going out to Ron and Hermione’s new flat, for example. That came to be his second home. His improvement seemed to add up to his best friends overall happiness, he gave ideas about the reception, and they had great dinners every thursday. Seeing other people was a setback. But those dinners started to get crowded, full of loving faces of people he could only feel affection and gratitude for. Even Gin got used to this new state of things. They were then headed to a friendship they never really had before, in which she wasn’t anyone’s sister, and they didn’t have to keep up with each other’s romantic expectations.
His public appearances, though, were a whole new story. People didn’t really stop him or touch him at all. They stared, with startled eyes, to the Saviour of the wizarding world. Some were curious, most were afraid. Every single stroll to a wizard street ended up in the next day’s morning newspaper. As he would save them again from a dark wizard while he got a coffee from the cafe in Diagon Alley. He was getting used to it, slowly. He decided to wander around Muggle London, as people did look at him too - he knew since a young age his dark complexion, tall figure, topped with messy hair and bright green eyes were an attention getter in any place of England, no matter how little magic was around - but they did so with the acknowledgement that he was no more than a funny looking stranger. He savoured this word in every look - it felt so good to be ordinary again.
When he noticed, he had accomplished his last challenge: attend the wedding. It was a night full of kindness, he could see how the love poured out of the bushy-haired girl and the freckled tall boy he had met ten years before. Their magic danced around the place, binding them up in a union that was far from bureaucratic. It wrapped every single guest, every family member, in sparkling energy that started to soothe some of Harry’s wounds. Some he didn’t know he had to start with. Some things, then, started to fall into place. The new couple’s house couldn’t be his refuge whenever he felt like Grimmauld Place was pulling him in again. But going back to where he was after the war was not a possibility. He started to make visits. He was going from house to house, showing them how they ended up helping him in the end. He started visiting the graves of the friends he had said goodbye to, but hadn’t really let go.
Andromeda’s place was one of the last houses to visit, and definitely the hardest. Teddy was already three years old, and while he knew Andromeda would never let anything come in the way of the little boy’s happiness, he was also aware that the blue-haired kid was his responsibility too. He made himself swear to her - but mostly to himself - that he would be present, see his godson grow up, and make sure his parents memory grew up with him. He went back to Hogwarts, once. Let the emotion come up to him as he watched the quidditch practice from the stands. In this place lived a ingenuous kind of happiness that didn’t belong to him anymore. And never would. But Harry made peace with it. And when he came back to Grimmauld’s Place, he decided it was time to sell.
The muggle townhouse should help him forget all about houses flooded with magic that pull you in when you are at your darkest moment. But it wasn’t as much as the house as it was the rain or the promised thai food. He was feeling peaceful in being by himself for the first time in so long. His steps echoed in the sidewalk, and even though he could feel the weight of his wand in the loop sewed to his hoodie’s right arm, no one else in the street could tell. It was his secret to keep. It was his secret to share.
When he went by the door of a fresh-looking pub, he felt like coming in. Everyone there seemed to be around his age, even the blue eyed girl who gave him a half-smile when he approached the bar.
“Hey, what are you having?” she poured two pints and slided them towards a couple in the right side of the bar.
“Do you have anything to eat?” and soon after she offered him the options in their pizzeria, he saw his slice come accompanied with a pint of their local brew. He ate in silence, taking in the sound of the laughing in the background, the bets over darts in one corner and the soft music that made the place feel warmer.
“You’re new around here, aren’t you?” she asked, as she motioned to refill his pint, to which he nodded. “I figured, most of our clients are locals, but you are a fresh face. I’m Ellie, by the way.”
“Harry” he said, taking a sip. “I just bought a house a few blocks down here, I was going to get some take out, but this place seemed nice. Is it yours?”
“You just bought a house? But you look so young! Well, it’s mine, Jack’s,” she pointed at a man with shaggy hair and a big smile in one of the tables, “and Chiara’s, who’s in the kitchen. She’s the cook, I’m a bartender, and Jack’s the kid with the money, like you, I guess. What do you do?”
“Hm, nothing to be honest.” he gave her a sad smile, thinking about how that would soon be a poor excuse if he kept interacting with muggle people as he intended. He lifted his hand to grab his cup absentmindedly, but ended up knocking it to the floor. He stopped the fall and levitated it back to his hand out of instinct, wandless magic that seemed to pour out of him as needed some times. Maybe it was the whole dying-and-coming-back-thing, but it was sure a problem in a muggle bar. Ellie was clearly startled, but he saw the relief in her face, as he placed the cup back in the counter, almost as full as it was before. “I tend to break things up, though.”
“That catch was impressive, actually. You must be a private school jock, am I right? Let me guess? Lacrosse?”
“Well, not really. I’m just a wizard, Ellie.” She laughed wholeheartedly, his truth-joke coming out with the exact intention he had. He smiled with her. “Is guessing what people do a hobby of yours?”
“It gets quite boring here sometimes. When someone knew comes in, I like to imagine their stories. It’s good to memorize the faces too.”
They chatted up a little more, between orders and customers, as the young woman seemed to not notice how Harry kept dodging her personal questions. It seemed more obvious to him now how it was so hard to witches and wizards to make friends with muggles. Absolutely no questions was answerable: what do you do? Oh, casual dark lords defeating. Where have you been to school? Your usual magic castle up in Scotland. Where’s your family? All dead in the First Wizarding War. Why did you move? Post-war panic syndrome. Nope, it didn’t sound like good conversation at all. It sounded more like an imminent owl coming from the Ministry to attest he had broken the Statute of Secrecy and should turn in his wand immediately. This was going to be more complicated than expected.
Harry payed up, and left the pub slowly. It was far from empty, and the young crowd already seemed to be not so sober as they were when he arrived. When he bumped into one of the guys and took more than necessary to regain his feet, he noticed he was probably more on the drunk-ish side too. As he looked to the door, he noticed how the muggle people seemed so carefree on the street. They smiled and played around as no war had ended only three years ago. Well, for them, it didn’t, he thought, with a little envy. The only exception was the guy leaning on the doorframe, his shoulders broad and stiff, brows furrowed, as he had had his own share of real stress. He was typing quickly in one of those muggle phones pressing each button a couple of times before getting to the next to one. His face was half hidden by the long white-blond hair, but his pointy features were softened by a stubble and an easy smirk.
He standed like so many people Harry had met before - the ones who were thought how to stand, where to put his shoulders, with the royal posture the should go with their names. Like Sirius used to, though, there was a conscious effort to slack, maybe aided by the plain white tee and the beat-up jacket. He looked like the pictures he had seen of his parents and their friends when they were young, celebrating christmases and halloweens, with their cool looks even in the middle of the Order’s tasks. The high cheekbones and strong jaw really looked like one of the Blacks, if only Sirius could ever pull off blond hair. He smiled with the possibility. The guy got off his position and, pulling one of the strands of his hair out of his face, disappeared in the noisy streets.
Harry got the hint and started walking again, noticing how the faces he was used to in the wizarding world were not common among muggles. There was something, maybe it was their magic, even, that used to make every witch or wizard stand out. He knew his unusual features got him stares, but he also knew it was not only that. Muggles could notice, as the Dursley’s did, there was something about him. He felt little tingles of magic, as he used to when it seemed to work by itself, running up and down his warms, rolling around his chest, wrapping up every single hair. Somethings you just couldn’t deny. And that guy, why did he remind him so much of Sirius? He didn’t have his hair, or his eyes, or laughed with loud barks. He smirked instead. He clearly hadn’t been locked up for twelve years, either. Maybe, a voice said inside of his head, he was just a wizard. It could be, he didn’t seem to notice Harry, to react to him in any way, as wizards would, so he had no way to know. He remembered the easy smile and careless hair fumble.
Or, maybe, the voice went on, he was just bloody fit.
[to be continued: part II, part III, part IV]
