Mar 21, 2018
Finished The cover of My comic!
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Netherlands
seen from Canada
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from Netherlands
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
Finished The cover of My comic!
😍😍😍 . . . Posted @withregram • @lucia_franco_ 💋 IT'S COVER REVEAL DAY! 💋 When I tell you I've been sooo happy and excited for today, I'm not even exaggerating! I am so excited to finally share the cover of SAY YES: A Hush, Hush Novella, with you! Being back with Aubrey, James, and Natalie was exactly what I needed, and I can't wait until you guys read this story! This cover really represents the feel of the story and I am seriously IN LOVE WITH IT! Cover Design: Okay Creations. Release Date: February 25, 2020 Say Yes will not have a pre-order, but will be available on all platforms! _______ I broke all the rules. He knows my true self. Our relationship is far from a game. I've never felt this close to a man. James Riviera is everything I never knew I wanted. Powerful, sexy, alluring, and completely mine. Now he wants to make me his wife. I only have to say yes and I'll have forever, but forever isn't as lasting as people believe. _______ Start book 1, Hush, Hush, today! Link in bio! _______ Enter on my fb like page to win an Amazon giftcard! #authorsofinstagram #silverfox #oldermanyoungerwoman #forbiddenromance #angstyaf #collegeromance #bffreads https://www.instagram.com/p/B8jbQ3rAQVb/?igshid=t13lh42u6ozn
thoughts
Wow, a lot of posts on my first day back.
I was looking through some old emails and I found more than what I was looking for. I found old chats between me and my best friend at the time (my cousin), in which I constantly spoke of a boy I fell in love with in the eighth grade. I found the pure confessions of a young love-struck teenaged girl. I found stories detailing how that love aggressively and beautifully blossomed. I found sweet emails between myself and that wonderful boy. I found old high school essays we proofread for one another and old lab reports we worked on with one another (though neither of us had much of a clue when it came to science). I found telling love letters between them. I found recordings of him singing love songs to me. I found, and I found, and I found, until I found nothing more.
I intensely crushed on this boy since I was 13. We started dating when we were 15. And we were together for five beautiful and messy years.
It’s been almost a year since thing’s ended. And I am still not over him.
It hurts so much to admit this. It hurts so much to write all of this down, to address what I wish wasn’t true. But finding all of those artifacts of our love....
Loving someone like that from such a young age and having them love you so unconditionally is something so indescribably pure. I don’t think I’m out of line when I say that not many have experienced such a young and innocent and yet whole love. I feel really blessed to have had him in my life in that capacity (how could I not, considering I literally prayed for him to be my boyfriend for two of my wildly emotional teenaged years). But I honestly feel so fucking lost without my best friend. We grew up together. We went through puberty together, went through high school together--explored our sexualities, our first debaucherous teenaged adventures, applying to colleges, graduating--and then we went through college together, too--adjusting, finding ourselves, exploring some more....
It is an understatement to say that he was a part of me.
He is still a part of me.
I did a lot of shitty things. So many shitty, unforgivable things. I took him for granted constantly. My insecurities and my anxiety and my depression and my selfishness and my immaturity led me to hurt him in ways that I can’t even forgive. Why couldn’t I just focus on his warm smile that reached his gentle green eyes? Why couldn’t I hold on to, and just lose myself, in the love songs he’d sing to me when I was down? Why couldn’t I melt forever into those moments when he held me, caressed me, and whispered love into my ears? And why couldn’t I believe how truly, how purely he loved me?
I expected too much of him. He loved me so much and in such a way that I began to expect him to make me happy. I’m not saying I should’ve known. I don’t think there was any way to--not at that age, and not under those circumstances. But I am still so saddened by what I put him through, even though I know that those years we spent together were filled with so much more happy and beautiful memories than sad ones.
You know, I think that’s why it hurts so much. Because we were really amazing and for most of it, too. We supported each other with such dedication and vigor. We pushed each other constantly to be the best versions of ourselves, not for any selfish reasons, but because we genuinely wanted to see each other successful and happy. We were always there for one another and we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. We could talk about everything and anything for hours (that never seemed to change), we’d fall in love with each other’s qualities all over again, we’d laugh and joke like we were back in middle school.
And then life just got more complicated and messy than it already was, and our paths just didn’t look as clear anymore. The sad truth is, we were keeping each other from growing--even though we had grown so much together. There was a point where we just...stopped. No matter how much we still loved and cared for each other, it just wasn’t the best thing, it wasn’t the healthiest thing, it wasn’t the right time.
When things ended, I could not handle the aftermath. There is no pain like losing someone that is a part of you and continues to be. A tremendous void, as cliche as it is, was torn open within me and I broke, I broke.
I broke. I’m broken.
I did self-destructive things. I was weak. I did selfish things that ultimately hurt that wonderful boy who made me feel beautiful and loved every single day, even when it was to his detriment. I did them for months and months and I let myself become trapped in a cycle I felt I was too far into to escape.
That’s the worst part--I let myself. And we’d probably be back together right now if I hadn’t. If I’d just been stronger.
Even after the breakup, he was constantly putting me first. When I wanted to get back together, he remained strong for us because he knew time was the best thing for us. I respect him a lot for being so objective.
I got sexually assaulted one night shortly after we ended things and called him sobbing. I remember he walked over that night and just held me as I cried into his arms.
He’s that kind of guy.
I have since started to crawl out of that toxic cycle I trapped my own self in for months. It’s a good step. I recognize this. But honestly, the damage is done. I’ve never hated myself more. I’ve never regretted so much in my life. I’ve never felt devastation like this. I’ve never felt loss to this degree.
I struggle with forgiving myself. Even though I have learned so much over these past few months, I can’t seem to accept what has happened, what I’ve done, and forgive myself.
I can’t let him go. Quite frankly, I don’t want to let him go. I can’t. I simply don’t want to live in a world without him. In a world where we’re not together. I want to just wake up from this horrible, horrible, horrible fucking nightmare.
Everybody tells me that I need to be strong. Cry if I need to (which, tada, I am. Sucks that I have to blow my nose often when I cry, and when I blow my nose, it’s so loud that it might as well be a “HEY I’M PATHETICALLY SOBBING!” announcement to the world). Everybody tells me to use these experiences as learning lessons, pointers to work on myself. And I will. I am. I think so, anyway.
They tell me to love myself. But I am too busy still loving the man who taught me what love was. I’m too busy trying to reel him in, when I was the one who pushed him so far. I’m too busy wondering if I will ever, ever be lucky enough to get a second chance.
They tell me to be happy with and by myself. But, tell me, how can you be, when you’re the one that ruined something so precious to you in the first place?
How do you move on from such profound self-inflicted trauma?
There might be brighter posts ahead, but tonight I am devastated and lost. The one positive thing that I can say tonight, is that it’s okay to be. It’s okay for right now.
One Shot releases today. Read it. It's good. I like it. You'll hate me, you'll love me, and you might wanna throw your kindle, but I promise I'll put you back together again #AngstyAF ➾Amazon – http://getbook.at/OneShot ➾iBooks - http://apple.co/2AALHZn ➾B&N - http://bit.ly/2mlYzAf ➾Kobo - http://bit.ly/2yx2Qmc ➾Google - http://bit.ly/2ht6oip
I hate that still now, with all these people showing me I can be loved, you are still the one I want.
He likes my enthusiasm
Red eye #selfies #angstyaf #eyes
I like a boy