#angyradke

[gypsyywitch]

Off to London today :D

[gypsyywitch]

Solitude and cigarettes and my only friends

[gypsyywitch]

Rant: "beautiful"

Ok so I have been wanting to do this for a long, long, LONG time and have finally gotten around to doing it so wew! Before I start I am sorry if anyone finds this attention seeking or whatever but seriously get fucked, I have a right to express my opinion so therefore I can c: 

Recently I have been getting called pretty, beautiful, attractive, hot, sexy, whatever a lot I am not going to lie about it. I am flattered honest to god I am but the thing is, I just don’t see it. I think I am fat, not because I want attention but because I honestly think I am big. I know I have a curvy body shape but I still think I am fat. Throughout primary school I was your stereotypical fat kid, cared about school, bullied, no friends and a family that was more concerned about their own working lives then their kids problems. In my parents defence they have raised me in a really privileged lifestyle and have tried to make up for my shit primary school experience with cultural experiences that some people could only dream of.

ANYWAYS that isn’t the point, the point actually is that no matter how many times a person calls me beautiful I won’t believe them. I don’t see myself others see me, when they say I look good I see every single flaw I have. Not one since person has ever seen my completely naked, not even one of my past boyfriends, the reason behind this is because I am disgusted by my body, I hate it, the thought of it now makes me sick. I hate sitting down because it makes my thighs look huge, I hate standing up because my butt sticks out too much and I am really uncoordinated and will trip/stumble over nothing if I am not careful, I hate lying down because I look like I have about thirty chins. If someone were to name one part of my body I can name at least three things I hate about it. Same goes for my face. I see everything that it wrong with it, my hair name a part of me and I will give you 3 things that are wrong with it. 

This is also why I hate, and when I say hate I really mean HATE having my photo taken by someone who isn’t me or someone who is likely to upload it on Facebook. I hate not being able to control what others see of me. I don’t mind in real life but on the internet I want to control it myself thanks. 

Think I am attention seeking for all I care but seriously, I have reasons for why I legitimately hate everything about myself I am not doing it to get compliments because they honestly have little to no effect on me at all. 

I am done now c: