Another December, another Super Fun™️ Family Christmas Party with my step-dad’s redneck family.
They are generally good folks, and are pleasant enough to be around, but that likely has a lot to do with them being blissfully unaware of my Atheism and my Queerness (my parents are aware of the Atheism - dad is also Atheist - but neither are currently aware I am anything but a cishet male).
Why are they unaware? Because of my mother.
Now, I love my mother, but she cares a LOT about what other people think of her. It filters down to her trying to control my behavior (at age 32) to not sully her image with the family. I could (and likely will) dedicate an entire series of posts to that relationship, but that is a story for another post.
The fact she got on to me for smelling like weed and cursing in front of the preacher make me even more hesitant to come out to her than I already was. What about next holiday season, when I want to show up en femme? Am I going to have to “tone down” myself to not offend the backwoods pastor? Are the teenagers with 3 year olds going to be scared to have me around their children so I need to boymode it, “just for one night?” And what about the one cousin who is so scared of the outside world, he HAS to carry his pistol on his side at a family get together in the suburbs? How do you think bubba is going to feel about it all?
I know - KNOW - even if she is supportive when I finally find the courage to tell her who I am, that she would still rather I be miserable than for the family to think she is not perfect.
These are worries for another day, and I am at peace with it. Just a thought I had on the way home from the party.
