this might be (definitely is) premature BUT once TME is finished, would you be willing to print / sell it as a physical copy??
-anon33
LMAO it's deeeefinitely premature!! i'd think about it? it gets a little awkward legality speaking for printing & ordering fics bc of ownership and stuff.
I've been asked about physical copies of Eve Undone and Borrowed Boots in the past and the ways that I've looked into it getting printed would need to be either 1. i take orders for quantity 2. i order the printed copies to my house 3. i mail them out, or publishing a formatted document of sorts that you essentially pay to print out yourself. i personally think the first option is more fun, especially since id be able to write little notes or do little doodles in the copies before sending them out.
another cool thing that's a weird obstacle is that Eve Undone is something like 820 pages give or take and the highest page count of a service that i found (of either potential printing method) was 800 pages, so they'd have to be compressed and/or sold in portions- and Eve Undone is going to be the shortest of my 100k+ works.
Thank you so much for answering all of those questions. I really appreciate you taking the time!
All of that makes a lot of sense, especially the show don’t tell. Now that you’ve pointed it out, that’s a big part of why I love reading your works so much - I can clearly picture everything without the character telling me something.
It seems like so, SO much work goes into your stories (like 2 full time jobs worth of work) and that’s incredible. Your process is really interesting. The way you outline is fascinating. Have you ever made a huge change like halfway through? Or had an event that you wish you included?
I’ve never thought of writing future scenes and kind of going back to where the characters are at now and making sure they get to said place in the future - that’s so brilliant!! Okay, last question for now, I promise. Do you ever get writer’s block or lack motivation to write?
Thank you so much for letting me pick your brain. - anon33 ❤️
You're very welcome, I appreciate the curiosity! And ngl I think until you'd asked, I hadn't fully realized how much I put into my stuff, so... thank you also for that!
I'm really trying to rack my brain in terms of if there have been huge narrative changes and I really can't think of any!
I think because of how my writing process kind of fluctuates between 1. rigid scenes (often canon scenes from the media I'm pulling from- Black Swan, Bound, etc- that I can't change a lot) that are just malleable enough for me to add my own stuff to, 2. scenes that are entirely my own, always driven by a necessary beat of some sort, and 3. how to tie those together, I kind of end up almost having like. a mental map of sorts? Aside from moving some stuff around to better fit the beats ('this makes more sense in ch6 instead of ch5, then it feels less drastic when this other thing happens in ch7' kind of thing), I'm usually pretty on the path I've set out on.
I feel like I might be overcomplicating this a lil bit BUT you're the one asking questions so I'm assuming you're okay with extra answers: aside from whatever beats I'm working on, I don't really plan out my original scenes, especially when it comes to dialogue. I don't go into it with a plan that Eve will talk about X, Y, Z, and then Vil will say A, B, C, I tend to just see where the conversation takes them- even in TME's case of therapy sessions I don't have a plan beyond the character beats.
- Eve is beginning to trust Vil, but not enough to be entirely honest about anything they haven't already talked about. Her walls aren't down, but they're a little lower when it comes to certain things that (in Eve's mind) have been established as safe to talk about with Vil.
- Vil is starting to figure out how to pull at whatever darkness she perceives within Eve without accidentally getting herself shut out. She respects when Eve says 'next question' because she knows from experience that she won't get what she wants if she pushes- that pushing will do more harm than good... but she still wants to pull.
Even within BB too!
- Eve feels comfortable with Ox, but she's so unused to being asked what she wants, what feels good for her, how she thinks of things, that that's what's stressing her out. She's juggling being with a woman for the first time (something she's very new to wanting) and being truly respected for the first time.
- Ox wants to be with Eve, but she also wants nothing more than for Eve to be comfortable. She knows that Eve has some hangups about being with each other, and doesn't want her to 'go along with it' just because Ox wants it.
So when it comes to dialogue or scenes or both, that's what I end up using more than Plot Stuffs. If I know that Eve isn't ready for something, she isn't ready- and I'm not going to make Ox push her on it for the sake of speeding up her being ready because that's not how that works!
As with literally everything, TME is a lot more complicated. If I know that Eve won't talk truthfully about her addiction, and the dialogue I'm working on veers toward that topic, then I write Eve according to her current beat- she's not going to suddenly decide she's actually going to be honest just because I, the writer, have decided that it's 'time' for her to be honest for Plot reasons. That feels unearned, and also not in line with the story/Eve! And with that, I can play with some fun conversational stuff: if Vil pushes too far, that impacts Eve's level of trust down the line. If Eve opens up, that gives Vil more insight into why she opened up.
This got both long and complicated but I think what I'm rambling toward is ultimately saying that I write the plot around the characters, not the other way around- so if the plot changes at all, I see it coming because I am shaping the bones.
In terms of events I wish I'd included the only thing that really jumps to mind is in Eve Undone: Vil apologizing to Eve for being shitty about Niko/Hawaii, but that's in Meteor/ites now, so!
For the writer's block/lack of motivation question: short answer, no...? My current grammarly streak is 59 weeks, something I am not sure how to feel about ngl! I hesitate to call it writer's block since I actually can't think of a day that I've gone without opening docs (lol) but I do find that being able to bounce between all my WIPs is massively helpful for if I'm feeling stuck. Two TME documents (TME proper and the 'holding cell' of scenes from chapters I haven't written yet), BB, Meteor/ites, and Undoing are all really different headspaces, styles, etc- if I'm not feeling 50s fluff, I can hop over to the Astankohva's and see what they're up to, if that's not working then how about we check out something from TME Vil's past?
I've talked previously about how I do a LOT of writing on my phone (like right now!) and I think that definitely impacts the process, too. Unless I've been possessed to do so by a scene, I don't really actively Sit and Write for hours: I was in my dentist's waiting room today and wrote a few lines of dialogue while I waited for my appointment, yesterday I was struck by a character realization while I was doing some drawing and went to make a quick note before returning to it, the previous day I reworked a scene in the chapter that I just put up. In all honesty I think if I weren't writing, it'd just keep clogging up my brain. There have been more than a few times where I've been trying to articulate something that's been brewing in my skull- plot arcs, character stuff, whatever- that's turned into a massive deluge of information that I may have not entirely realized was all up there! @eveandpsyche attest to me going "i have a thought" and then two hours of rambling later, I walk out with several pages of backstory that had been apparently just living in my head.
Thank you for asking me so many questions, I mean it very genuinely when I say that I appreciate it/them/you and enjoy answering them :)
How do you stay so consistent with the characters? I’ve never once read a line in your fics that seems out of character, everything is so seamlessly integrated. second part of this ask
First of all, this is a massively impactful compliment about my characterization(s) and I will be thinking about it for probably 10-12 business days so thank you for that!
Secondly, I really wish I had a better answer for you, but I truthfully don't know! I'll give some general things I've noticed I tend to do with characters, though?
In my other response to your ask about the writing process and outlines I mentioned having a character's timeline established in order to inform their actions and I think that might be the biggest factor in consistent characterization? Although TME features by far the most complicated versions of Eve & Vil I've ever written, I still have a sense of what happens to the characters before the first chapter in every other story.
In Borrowed Boots, the way that Ox acts around Eve in terms of visibility (being careful about being caught, being mindful of safety in ways that Eve may not be) is shaped in part by her experiences with Anna and how the fallout of that impacted her life in Reno- consciously or not, she's trying to help Eve avoid that same kind of social alienation. In Eve Undone, Eve doesn't recognize her attraction to Villanelle as more than platonic because she has no frame of reference for real attraction: her parents are strict and Catholic, so it made 'sense' to follow in their footsteps and marry Niko, a strict, Christian man & pastor. Even if I don't have an outline/timeline for these renditions of their past (TME has 10+ pages, My Sweet Girl and Thin Walls have nothing because it's so straightforward), they still shape the characters and how they'll react to different events.
I think in all of my stories but especially TME (and definitely My Sweet Girl's later chapters) I take advantage of the formatting to control how the reader interacts with the story's information through the characters' perception. The obvious is simple: writing events and facts.
[Eve notices that Villanelle's hair is in an elaborate style of braids that come together at the back of her neck and wonders if she did it herself.]
This is both a description of Eve's physical actions (noticing) as well as her internal thoughts (wondering).
Most of the time I'll format explicit thoughts/inner monologue stuff with italics as a clear indicator- maybe they're asking themselves a question, or mulling something over:
[Why Alana? Why not me?]
I'll use it to also act as a memory, too:
[If you can call what she does journalism.] isn't just Villanelle's thought, it's an echo of something Eve said previously.
It can get really fun when there are a few more complexities: in Oksana's chapter, she doesn't have the perception of events that an adult might have because she's a child- but you, the reader, do. You know Vilen is dead, but Oksana doesn't fully understand that that's what happening, so she wants to wait for him to wake up. I think this makes it both more impactful and more in line with the character of Villanelle as an adult because it fleshes her out more and kind of builds on that Show, don't Tell aspect I talked about in the previous response. I'm Showing you that Oksana is a child through how I write her (not having a complex vocabulary, not understanding certain words, having a childlike innocence, etc) instead of simply Telling you that she's a child but writing her in the same way that I would write her as an adult. While Oksana and Villanelle are the same person, they're different characters that are in some ways pieces of the other. Oksana- the child who was beaten, starved, forced by desperation to eat human flesh, and watched her uncle die- has nightmares about all of that, but Villanelle- the woman who was formed around Oksana, top of her class in medical school, ultra-successful surgeon, highly sophisticated serial killer, revered and respected psychiatrist- doesn't, because they didn't happen to Her, they happened to who she isn't anymore.
Another aspect of this is character beliefs and truths! A super good example is from My Sweet Girl is when Nelle is at the peak of her psychosis.
There's no more rigidity or consistency of formatting here! Her perception of everything is distorted because she's in psychosis, therefore everything (thoughts, internalizations, memories) is formatted as an objective truth. Pink is another character's [Helene's] dialogue from previous chapters, yellow is a previous thought, and green is something that the reader knows is impossible... but to Nelle, it's just reality. In a less extreme example from TME's Bill chapter, Eve doesn't think to herself [I should have listened to him], it's formatted as an objective truth [She should have listened to him] because in Eve's perspective it's not a thought, it's the truth. I think this has the power to massively impact characterization because it offers another Showing aspect into their thoughts and feelings without being Told about their thoughts and feelings.
And! Physicality is a huuuuge thing I rely on. I don't Tell you that Eve is uncomfortable, I Show you her fidgeting, wringing her hands, crossing her arms, pacing, avoiding eye contact. Unless it's happening through the phone or with some other obstruction in the way, conversations are so much more than dialogue!
I hope this kind of answered your question? I think before typing this all out I was of the mentality that the way I write characterizations is pure vibes but maybe there's a lil more to it oops.
Okay I can MAYBE do that - my thoughts are all over the place so this may be a bit of a mess. (Side note - I watched three episodes of Hannibal and WOW, I’m hooked already. Unfortunately, I think it may become an obsession so thank you for that 😭).
How do you outline / map out your story? And how do you stay so consistently true to the characters? I’ve never once read a line in your fics that seems out of character, everything is so seamlessly integrated. When you’re writing, do you stray from your outline? Or is it more like every single event / scene / action is a precursor to some other plot line?
Thank you so much for answering. I hope that makes sense. -anon33
ALRIGHT so I answered the outline/story planning half of this question in this post, and the characterization part in this post.
When you’re writing, do you stray from your outline? Or is it more like every single event/scene/action is a precursor to some other plot line?
I'll get to the other part of this ask in a separate post!
In terms of an outline, TME is a little different because I think if I were to create a definitive outline for the entire work front to back (like all my other works) it would feel somewhat confining- I like to allow for wiggle room/organic development in all my works but since TME is so huge and involves so much, that wiggle room has the potential to affect an event/events further down the line that could just kill a huge part of the latter half of the outline. Not Eve & her death wasn’t planned by any means but I realized that Villanelle hadn’t hit a ‘beat’ (more on this later) yet that she needed to regarding her feelings toward Eve, so I added it, and the story is better for it.
In terms of mapping it out so far though, I’ve done what I call a “script rip” (something I also always do for AUs that are based on other media) for the entirety of Hannibal’s season 1. What I basically do is “rip” the script (or the subtitle txt files) and put them into a document, then segment them into numbered scenes. This doesn’t mean that all of those scenes/pieces of dialogue will be included in the work, but it means that I don’t have to scrub through the episodes for a particular scene if I need a refresher. It’s like a reference sheet!
For TME I have three:
A general script rip that includes all scenes, including ones where Eve/Vil aren’t present. This helps me get a wider picture, including background character stuff that I need to keep on my radar.
One for Eve’s POV.
One for Vil’s POV.
They’re colour coded as [neither - highlighted] [Eve exclusive - blue] [Vil exclusive - yellow] and [both of them - green]. Here’s an example from ch11- don’t mind grammarly yelling at me:
Eg from the script rip: scene 111 takes place at the FBI with Eve’s team and contains a lot of information about the cello kill, and scene 109 is them investigating the corpse itself, but both the reader and Vil need that info, so I rework the dialogue in scene 112 to include that information. I then also add my own dialogue in scene 112 that adds a few more layers to the conversation about 1. cannibalism 2. Abigail, two things that will have more ramifications down the line. In order to work this in, I had to do research about human body parts in instruments and cannibalism. I was straight up lucky that the Asmat people were documented to have participated in both because otherwise this conversation would have been a hell of a lot harder to involve in a way that doesn’t feel forced.
I think I say this nearly every time I have to work within a few scenes but the Hannibal scripts really only make ‘sense’ in terms of watching the episode- and like, duh, its a television script, but this sometimes means the scene that I’m writing contains dialogue that I have to bend over my knee in order to make it make actual conversational sense while also serving a purpose of delivering information. In TV it makes sense for there to be a 15-second conversation that serves a purpose- in writing, not so much. If you’re watching the episode where there’s a scene that shows mothers being killed, Will and Hannibal talking about Will’s mother, and then another scene where another mother is killed, that scene in the middle makes perfect sense. If you aren’t, that conversation about Will’s mother makes no goddamn sense- especially if I’m writing from Vil’s POV, as she isn’t the one at the crime scenes! So sometimes when I’m writing from one character’s POV I’ll need info from a scene that they’re not in.
I touched on it briefly in the previous ask I answered about my writing process but I try very hard to balance the chapters by ‘story beats’ rather than length: if something major happens in the chapter, I want That to be the main focus of the chapter, and I want it to be able to breathe in comparison to everything else in the chapter. If it takes 10k, it takes 10k- if it takes 3k, I’m not stretching it to 5k for the sake of it. This includes original scenes as well as canon scenes, which can get tricky! But I enjoy trying to pace it all out.
When it comes to my original scenes I actually don’t have anything at all like the script rip, but I know what ‘beats’ Eve and Vil need to hit (both individually and together) in line with the events of Hannibal’s canon. Sometimes I’ll write scenes that won’t happen for a while because it helps serve as a function of a target to reach- not so much in word count or like a ‘goal’ but in terms of “when this event happens, they should be like this in terms of their relationship/personalities/things they know/don’t know, so let’s make sure we’re on track.” I’ve already written their first time(s), Vil being stabbed, Eve being shot, Vil killing her patient, because I need those to act as markers to work from/around/toward.
This gets kind of complicated and I’m going to try and do my best to articulate it but I also am a firm believer in 1. Show, don’t Tell, and 2. said ‘beats’ don’t have to happen on paper in order for it to happen. Show, don’t Tell works just as well (and imo sometimes more effectively) when you’re shown after the fact. The clearest example I can give of this is from Eve Undone:
In chapter 24 of EU we were walked through Vil’s feelings on the breakup and the six months following. She’s moving on (letting Elena take things from her house, writing poems, going to adoption meetings) without moving on emotionally- it’s clear that she still loves Eve and she’s not going to stop, but knows that she has to get on with life because being with Eve is impossible... but because it’s from Vil’s POV we don’t see anything at all as to how Eve is handling things, all we have to give us any insight into how Eve is handling things is the note she gives Vil. When they reconnect, you’re immediately Shown that not only has Eve kept Vil’s ring (the ring that you’ve been Told reminds her of Vil’s eyes, and that she considers to be a piece of Vil) but she’s wearing it on her wedding finger, which serves as being Shown that she’s gotten divorced before being Told through dialogue. You were Told that Elena took Eve’s stuff from Vil’s house, but then you’re Shown that Vil still wears the pendant- and so does Eve. You get to experience being Shown that they both still love one another with them, you’re not Told that they still love one another before they know it. You as the reader know exactly what those pendants mean, that’s why it affects them when they realize that neither of them took them off, and why it affects you! Similarly to the reveal of Vil having kept a little box of Eve’s things; I didn’t Tell the reader that she’d packed up her things (giving them something to look forward to- Eve’s reaction), I Showed the reader at the same time as Eve, so you’re experiencing the “oh my god, she kept the pyjamas” just like Eve is in the moment.
God, I hope that made sense.
SO! In terms of how this relates to TME, there area LOT of events to navigate between being shown and told: in chapter 1 I Tell you, “Eve doesn’t do friends.” In chapter 6, I Show you why that is- Bill’s death, and then I Show you how heavily she’s been impacted by both his death and the immense guilt she feels about being ‘responsible’ for it. In chapters 7&8, I Tell you that Eve is sober. In chapter 12, I Show you (part of, hehe) why- Bill’s death affected her to the point of extreme alcoholism that got to the point where it was compromising her job severely (also her marriage but we all know she didn’t care ab that). In the inverse, I’ve Told you that Vil helps Abigail hide Nick’s body- you don’t gain anything from being Shown that happening, so I didn’t. I’ve Told you that there’s something behind Villanelle’s panty bookcase, but it’s not going to serve a purpose (yet) if I Show you, so I don’t.
Swinging back to the plot aspects, I have general beats that I know I have to hit- both pre-TME and during TME- at relatively the same time. I have a timeline for Eve that leads up to chapter one of TME (being an army brat, college, CIA, Bill, Niko, being shot, the move to the FBI, etc) that I’m aligning with the current story. So the Bill chapter is placed where it is because it offers insight into not only the following chapters but how she is in the preceding chapters as well. Everything in my writing is very intentional! If the reader notices a detail that raises flags, it’s probably for a good reason- even if the characters don’t catch it.
Another thing that’s super fun (and sometimes a massive pain) is that I’m writing a story from the POVs of two unreliable narrators who both have deeply-buried and heavily-guarded secrets. Eve lies, refuses to talk about some things, avoids other things, which means that the reader is also hazy about what’s actually true when she talks about stuff- so Eve might Tell Villanelle something, and then the next chapter I might Show you something that retroactively Tells you that Eve was lying. I think in terms of characters this acts as a huge indicator of trust, though! I’ve Shown you how affected Eve has been by Bill’s death, that she doesn’t talk about it... but now she’s Told Villanelle!!! This is why having that established timeline for each character is a necessity because I, the Author, know all the objective truths and exactly when everyone is lying, and why.
Pulling this aaalllllllll together, this means that I work with 1. the NBC Hannibal plotlines that I’m keeping (cases, etc) 2. the ones I’m not keeping 3. my own story original plotlines (both past & present) 4. POV flips, which changes how the information pertaining to 1,2&3 is delivered 5. the character plotlines 6. relationship plotlines 7. balancing an appropriate Beat weight for each chapter!
I feel like I’ve talked in a massive circle but I hope that answers some of your questions?!
Hiii! Hannibal/TME anon again (let’s call me anon33). Thank you so much for answering! I didn’t realize there were so many parallels between Hannibal and killing eve - I may have to watch Hannibal now. Also, if possible, yes! I do want that super in depth and super long explanation of your writing process
there are toooons of parallels its actually sickening. also all of the cases (so far... hehe) are from hannibal, too! its genuinely such sexy television
alright so i am more than happy to do a writing process post but i feel like i need a jumping off point bc otherwise it's gonna be wicked vague and likely a huge mess, so do you want like, a play by play of adapting a hannibal scene into tme? drafting an original scene? backstory shit? overarching plot? character specifics? pacing? pls pls pls give me smthn to start with it will save us both a headache msjdhsjd
