#antizimbits

[obligatorygeekery]

First Fanfic Lines

some of you know that I am realog on Ao3, but for those who don't hello! I've been meaning to make a pinned post for fanfic purposes for ages, then I saw someone do this the other day and it seemed like a fun introduction (and conveniently, my go-to summary method is usually just the first lines).

so, for anyone who has ever felt...unsatisfied with the direction taken by the hockey themed web comic Check Please!, and particularly the characters of Jack and Kent, check out the links below, maybe you'll find something you like:

from oldest to newest

glass houses (1.9k t)

The first time he sees Parson and Zimmboni talking in some out of the way corner, Jack's shoulders tense while Parson casually slouches against the wall. Alexei wonders if he should go over and do something about it.

(pimms affair in the NHL bubble, because of course they would. fun fact: I was so nervous about posting this that I did it immediately before going to my mom's birthday dinner, so I wouldn't just be obsessively refreshing the page all night. and then the reception ended up being, frankly, beyond my wildest expectations)

everybody talks (9.1k t)

When Bittle said he had been approached for another book after the wedding. Jack had hugged him, and congratulated him, and asked what kind of recipes he was going to focus on this time. Bittle had laughed and said it wasn't actually another cookbook. This time another branch of his publisher had approached him about writing something more in line with his twitter and vlog. More like a memoir, focusing on his opinions and thoughts on the whirlwind of the last few years.

(less? fun fact: I started writing this while I was at home. alone. with food poisoning. on christmas. so I really let the spite flow freely on this one. take note if you ever decide to give one half of your romantic pairing addiction issues and a checkered past with the sports media landscape and then make their other half...a youtube diary volgger).

bubble baes (4.3k t)

So. Does everyone here know the J+K drama?

(bitchy groupchat coda to glass houses! even less? fun fact: this was written into the lead up to the 2025 US presidential inauguration. but, it did keep me from doomscrolling too much, and made at least a couple people smile on a very very shitty day).

vacation (all i ever wanted) (26k e)

In the fall, Kent comes home from a grueling two week long roadie to an invitation for Jack and Bittle's wedding. Tucked in the thick ivory envelope along with it is a handwritten note from Alicia, saying how much they hoped he could attend. That it would mean a lot for him to be there. As Jack's oldest friend.

(think "My Former Best Friend's Wedding." fun fact: if I had to call something my magnum opus, it would be this. throwing everyone's (or just my) favorite rom com tropes into a blender (along with whatever 4.19 was) to create the pimms second chance romance of my dreams).

all i dream of lately (can you come a little closer) (8.1k m)

It's one of those things that the press likes to hint at because it feels salacious and intrusive, without requiring them to print any salacious or intrusive details that could lead to either a loss of ad revenue or a lawsuit. Which has meant that for every year following the Aces fateful 2010 Cup run, Jack has been treated to at least one exposé about Kent Parson's sex life. Or more specifically, the lack of it, from April to ideally late June.

(regency romance ust without the regency part. fun fact: despite listening to it on repeat for many hours while writing this. I still managed to misremember the lyrics to closer by tegan and sara when typing the title, and didn't catch it for a few days).

give my love a four letter name (4.2k e)

"10 minutes, until food arrives." Jack says, placing his phone back down on the coffee table. "I can't." Kent grumbles from where he's propped up against Jack's chest. "I can't unless you get off me. And you already said no to that, so…" Jack lets his words trail off. "Swoops?" Kent asks, still muffled.

(my fist foray into pwp, and it's a threesome with the fandom's favorite made up guy, Swoops! fun fact: I wrote this for an audience of like four people (myself included), so any other interaction is just gravy. AU jumping off immediately from the end of all i dream).

when my time's up baby (22k e)

In a mocking little twist of either irony or fate. The announcement gets posted as Jack is packing to go spend a few weeks up at his families lake house.

(because we all know Kent retiring is gonna hit Jack like a ton of bricks. fun fact: happy birthday Kent Parson and Nothing Else).

i'm not calling you a ghost (27k m)

When Jack comes back to himself, he realizes with a start that he has no idea where he is or how he got there. Just that he's standing in a large bedroom decorated in shades of cool greys and purples, the view from it's windows obscured by translucent shades. He is thankfully fully clothed. Which at least proves that three years of living with Shitty hadn't rubbed off on him too much.

(remember how Jack said he was fine to drink, but he didn't do it at parties, and then the next time we saw him drinking was at a party? because I do. fun fact: I've lowkey been trying to title a fic after a f+tm song this entire time).

we keep tryin' to talk about us (2.7k e)

Jack had arrived in answer to Bittle's SOS text to find that the emergency was the combination of: a trashed house, six mild to severe hangovers, and finals. But it wasn't like he had anything better to do now that the Falcs season was over. So he loaded Bittle up with gatorade, sent him and the others to the library, and hoped the Haus had trash bags. It didn't.

(we all know the real reason Kent had to have that conversation with Bitty aka a 4.19 fix it fic. fun fact: idk I wrote this in like 36 hrs and almost titled it after a taylor swift song but lorde came through at the last minute).

you spin my head right round (9.2k e)

It started — where else? — on Twitter.

(my pimms fest 2025 fic! featuring hockeysexual Jack dealing with the all seeing eye of his hot ex, who is also the embodiment of American Hockey. fun fact: this was 1000% inspired by that tweet complaining about the bright yellow spongebob sphere graphic)

the light comes through (1.9k t)

They made it sound so easy in abstract. Follow all these right steps and say all these right things and — poof! — in eighteen years you'll have raised a productive member of society.

(a little coda/continuation to my first fic, glass houses! it was really fun to get back into the stream of consciousness style, and I hope people still vibe with it. fun(?) fact: I come from a long line of divorces, and all I can say is: yay divorce!).

part-time soulmate (full-time problem) (5.3k e)

Felix arrived at the Las Vegas Aces' unofficial welcome party with one goal: to not embarrass himself in front of his new teammates or, more importantly, his new Captain Kent 'Just Parse is fine' Parson.

(did you see my pimms + 'guy the fandom made up' threesome fic and think that sounded way too niche? well get ready for the sequel featuring 3k worth of my Aces' rookie OC. fun fact: first time repeating artists for the song titles, and of course it's fob).

paused for a long time (1.3k m)

Jack hadn't let himself think much about the games — refused to let his parents even watch in 2010; the ones Bob had been supposed to commentate for, and Kent hadn't been supposed to get near; until a string of injuries left USA Hockey turning to their newest phenom and Jack shutting himself in his room — and then it hadn't mattered anymore. Another dream he'd missed out on. Until now.

(using sociopolitical events to put these two in a jar again. fun fact: this is my 13th work, which is 1300 words, and was posted on 2/13: Friday the 13th… you might think even ONE of those was intentional but nope!).

you got a fast car (4.5k, t)

American Thanksgiving was always a busy weekend. Endless streams of tech bros and starving artists flying in from Los Angeles, New York, Vancouver, or San Francisco, all desperate to prove to their friends and families back home that they either weren't struggling, or were huge douche bags.

(the check please x heated rivalry crossover, featuring Kent + Svetlana friendship and equal but opposite approaches to fucking your best friend. fun fact: this basically sprung into my brain fully formed while I was reading (and agreeing with) a tumblr post about how unnecessary it would be to crossover check please and heated rivalry).

getting close to something (3.4k, t)

Just after eleven Ilya leaves her at the bar for a 'smoke break' — like she hasn't been there for every single withdrawal bitchfest since he'd started trying to quit last year —

(sequel to the check please x heated rivalry crossover, featuring the 2016 awards after party and questionable life advice from a bunch of rich twenty-somethings. fun(?) fact: while I firmly believe you can't "steal" a person, this is probably the closest I'll ever get to a gala heist fic).

can't do it on my own (3.4k, e)

"Ah Ha!" Jack clears his throat and glances across the table at Troy — graciously deciding to ignore the eye roll he gets in the face of his own impending victory — before his train of thought gets thoroughly derailed by a damp towel landing at his feet. "Whoever ends this stupid argument gets to fuck me," Kent announces.

(the fob titles will continue until morale improves (at least my morale). third installement in my most niche series! fun fact: truly this has been sitting in my drafts fro like 6 months, but the others got a couple of kudos recently so I decided it was time finally finish editing this fic. never doubt your power)

[checkpleaseisgay]

hey yall im changing my url

[movedto-dazaipositive]

You know what I want explained to me about the omgcp fandom is how Kent being mean to Jack means their relationship was abusive yet Jack and Bitty are perfect for each other when Jack literally made bitty cry? If you've decided that Kent is abusive then you shouldn't enjoy the main relationship of the comic. It's also never shown how Bitty and Jack resolved this. Bitty has never had a boyfriend before and the first guy he dates is someone who bullied him. A+ relationship material there.

hot fucking tea, anon. well this fandom worships ngozi and thinks she can’t ever do wrong even though she’s only human, and she made zimbits, so it has to be perfect, right?

Jack’s never apologised to Bitty. Jack moves his goalposts all the time–we went from “we both owe each other apologies”, to “it was only physical”. also, that line where he talks about him and Kent always having had an expiry date fucks me up because in a good story, Jack would be the same with Bitty. 

I’m a slut for bully/victim (chalk it down to a power fantasy borne of years of being bullied) but…not like this. bully/victim where the bully acknowledges the harm they caused and work to repair it and not tread on their ex-victims boundaries again? sign me up. zimbits? kill it with fire

[movedto-dazaipositive]

I always thought the whole point of cmbyn was that it wasn't a perfect relationship. That the story acknowledged it was imbalanced and because of that and other circumstances in the end the relationship could not last. My issue with zimbits isn't that it's imperfect but that it is being presented and sold as #perfectRelationshipGoals. That not it only refuses to go into how Jack's fame, money, experience gives him more power than Bitty. But presents those things as pure positives. 1/2

Look he bought Bitty 15 dozen roses, expensive kitchen equipment, an entire collection of expensive clothes, etc. Isn’t Jack just the best? Bitty really lucked out dating a millionaire. Who cares if Bitty may or may not be able to go home after coming out or if he has a plan after college. He can just stay in Jack’s penthouse and bake pies for all their friends and all the members of their combined hockey teams. There’s some real drama there that the comic completely sugarcoats. (2/2)

I haven’t actually watched cmbyn, so I can’t say, but I think you’re on the right track. Elio and Oliver always had, as Jack would say, an expiry date.

You’ve nailed it exactly. my problem with zimbits is that it’s a relationship that’s so far from perfect or even good that it can’t last, and yet it does. because they’re the official couple, come rain or fire or shitty communication.

I would have no problem if Bitty wanted to be a house husband and cook for his boyfriend’s friends and not work a day in his life, so long as we see him explicitly acknowledge and deal with the consequences of being effectively the wag to a hockey player. but we don’t.

somebody in the crit server noted that check please has a habit of bait-and-switching the drama. each plotline that could lead to meaningful conflict and growth is swapped out for a temporary happy ending that adds nothing to the story. if i wanted fluff without plot, I’d go through the fluff tag on ao3. i want a plot! angst! character growth! god fucking dammit

anyway, you’re right and you should say it

[movedto-dazaipositive]

Again keep whatever opinions you want, I’m just curious: do you maybe see the hypocrisy of hating zimbits but glorifying CMBYN when one of deals with a 17 year old and a 24 year old, and the other is is a 19 year old and a 24 year old (when they start dating). Why is one toxic and an imbalance but the other not??

I mean. “glorifying”? really? where did you get that from? lolthis is a question asked in bad faith, but it still has a real answer. I love power imbalance. seriously, I love it. most of my favourite tropes center around an imbalance: from the obvious, like omegaverse and D/s to the slightly subtler things like Captain/Rookie or Employee/Boss or “insanely hot rich guy who is inexplicably attracted to a mentally ill domestic abuse survivor”, a situation which I’ve written…a lot. what can I say? it’s fun. I like it to explicitly acknowledged that we’re dealing with an imbalance, however. like, if you’ve watched cmbyn (I haven’t either, though I want to. I keep meaning to watch it with friends and that keeps not happening) you’ll know that Elio has as much power as it’s possible for him to have. he can get Oliver fired any time he wants. he has previous sexual experience. he goes after Oliver like a conquest, almost like he’s trying to prove what he can do. he takes on the active role of pursuer, overriding or ignoring Oliver’s discomfort at sleeping with him. just because he looks like a twink doesn’t mean he is, lol. trope subversion, anyone? I’ve only watched trailers and gifsets, but I think that’s really interesting! I don’t usually go in for trope subversions, but this one looks like fun! it helps that I’m a horny 16y/o and Elio is my type. and I daresay nobody walked out of the theatre thinking that it’s okay for a 17 year old to have sex with 24 year old (even though, imho, it is. why not? we’re capable of consent, after all. if it’s legal, and everybody involved wants it, go for it. I don’t approve of relationships, because that’s where the potential for exploitation really sets in. don’t@me about any of this) (I have a friend who has sex with older peeps. he once slept with a 35y/o woman. I was horrified, but then I interrogated my own disgust and horror and came to a slightly different conclusion).check please, on the other hand, is treated by its fandom as Good Queer Rep. good representation of an mlm relationship. YMMV, ofc, and I don’t think that people who like this ship in check please are also going to think that scholarship bakers dating hockey players is suddenly okay. fiction is very much not reality, we all know this. but it disturbs me how Bitty and Jack are held up as good role models when they’re anything but. when Bitty can’t or won’t or no longer establishes boundaries in his relationship, when Jack treads over Bitty’s boundaries constantly, when Jack and Bitty are closer to the stereotype of bad yaoi relationships than Oliver and Elio (who I think break up at the end?) but I’m supposed to condemn cmbyn but not zimbits? fuck that. to be quite honest, if ngozi and the fandom were willing to face and engage with the problems inherent in zimbits, maybe I’d come around to it. but I think they both deserve equal relationships. Bitty used to have agency and spunk as a character, and I really miss that. I want Jack to date somebody who stands up to him on the regular and won’t take his bullshit. that’s not what zimbits is.look, I have a lot of totally legit and moral reasons for disliking zimbits, but I want you to know that that’s secondary. I hate it because I hate it. the reasons come later. I’m not more moral than somebody who ships zimbits. and people who diss cmbyn are not better than me. tastes in fiction are not activism.

[movedto-dazaipositive]

I'm curious as to why you think that bittys and jacks relationship is unhealthy?

oh, anon. where do I even start.the age gap: when they met, Bitty was 18. Jack was 23. Jack bullied Bitty for months after Bitty first joined the team, once going so far as to suggest that Bitty leave the team (which would make him lose his scholarship). he deliberately triggers Bitty on various occasions, often without warning (checking practice) and never apologises to him. Bitty cried to his mom about Jack. Jack repeatedly crosses Bitty’s stated boundaries (valentine’s day, the shower scene) and Bitty does not feel comfortable enough to ask him to stop (which is fair, considering how often Jack crosses Bitty’s lines)the financial gap: Bitty is on scholarship. Jack is a millionaire in his own right (as of canon 4.3), not to mention his parent’s money. football coaches in the south are paid a lot, but there’s no way their numbers look good next to the Zimmermannsheight, weight & experience: Bitty is 5'7". Jack is 6'1". Bitty weighs 125 lbs, Jack clocks in at 200 lbs. Jack has had sex in the past with at least one man, and probably a further two women. Jack is Bitty’s first kiss. Jack is Bitty’s first everything. Jack has been playing hockey for 20 years, and almost got drafted. Bitty has been playing hockey for 4 years. Jack has been in the public eye since he was born. Bitty hadn’t even left Georgia before he went to college.socially: Jack passes as straight to everybody before the y2 kiss. Bitty, on the other hand, is stereotypically gay and and is definitely perceived as such. Bitty has no friends of his own. all his friends were Jack’s friends first, and that’s a loyalty that stays. I repeat, Bitty has no friends that are just his own, let alone queer friends, which as a baby gay he really, desperately needs. Bitty performs unpaid labour for everybody in the Haus and also for Jack’s team (all of whom can well afford to pay him for his troubles). Bitty’s labour is barely acknowledged, let alone somebody thanking him (although Tater did do that in one of the more recent updates)none of this would actually be a problem if they were shown on screen communicating about this as equals, but they’re not. there is so much potential here for exploitation and harm. and this is held up as a model of a healthy gay relationship, when it’s not. yeah. so that’s why I think z*mbits is a terrible, unhealthy relationship

[movedto-dazaipositive]

Yeah the story really needs to stop treating Bitty literally babying grown men as cute. Hopefully all the stress he's about to experience will result a more balanced situation with him not working as much and others doing more things for him and themselves.

I have SO MUCH BEEF with the amount of unpaid labour Bitty does for people who can well afford to pay. so much beef, anon, you have no idea. also, anyone else get a distinct feeling that Bitty uses baked goods to get people to like him because he’s afraid of rejection and violence? because I sure do. honestly, Bitty is doing all the heavy lifting in his relationship with Jack, and it makes me so mad because Bitty has needs, you know? sometimes you don’t want to cook and sometimes you want your boyfriend to listen to you, anxious NHL player or not. some relationships are fundamentally unequal but is not an excuse for the way Jack treats Bitty. not to mention the fact that Jack has never apologized for the way he treated Bitty in y1, and that Bitty probably still has unacknowledged trauma over checking and possibly other stuff, if the way he treats the people around him is any indication. Bitty is desperate for people to like him, and goes the fuck off when they don’t(Whiskey). he has a real problem with unchecked racism (Nursey and Chowder) and, as a friend pointed out, he fails to take into account the dietary restrictions that may apply to people (they used the example of Holster, who is Jewish and probably keeps kosher, and the fact that a lot of characters are pro athletes who are on strict diets ffs). but it’s never used as a point of conflict or growth, or even called out. we’re supposed to believe that Bitty is just ✨that special✨ but I don’t buy it. idk, it’s really disturbing. any of bitty’s friends (who by the way are all Jack’s friends first) could’ve asked Bitty what was up with the way he bakes to the point of a breakdown in order to get people to like him, feels awful when so much as one slice of pie is left uneaten, and they just…don’t. because it’s convenient to have somebody around who bakes for you without asking for anything in return? is that we’re supposed to think the SMH and Jack are like? or is that just in Bitty’s head? (he is an unreliable narrator). any of them couldve called Bitty out on the way he behaves with Holster and Nursey and Chowder. and they don’t. I wonder why. (hint: this is a happy story! Bitty wins!)I hope that at some point the way Bitty stress-bakes is addressed, but going by 4.2, I’m not holding out much hope. if we’re unlucky, it’ll just get waved off as a weird quirk (if it’s acknowledged at all). if we’re very very lucky, we’ll get some meaningful conflict and character growth out of it (both things that y3 did not feature at all)

[evgenbee]