#aodh exists

[artofaodh]

I say sorry for all the pain and fear; in your grace I see now how in my way, I am source of calamity, my dear, so for my sins, please let me come pay.

Seeing now this funeral plot I cry, fearful I think that to this place I bear all the love and hope I hold which must die, on knees I beg you please don't go, stay there.

I saw from the start that you were my end - freely I'll say that it started with lust; right through the core of desire you did rend; a day later, all I sought was your trust.

But wound in my heart, blind, I did not see - I crushed you down, wanting you to love me.

[artofaodh]

cancel plans and find a way to tell everyone why work must wait now before they start to ask about the soil it's toxic, poisoned, sick you see dig now before the dust has settled and surely die from… heavy metal resting waste from long ago might look just like dirt or maybe shit listen now i promise it isn't either one okay, a real risk it'd be to work today

but plans once missed can be redrawn work begins again at dawn

[artofaodh]

and so in form now quick impelled i take new shambling, snapping, groaning, grinding motion like clock spun up with time to keep and years of rust to push aside comes gear taught fear and quiet turning by coals sat still in fires burning choking, smoking, blinding smoke pouring from shredded plastic scraps fueling me, festered death now finally free to once again impose with ease this long kept hate which earth restrained now given fault makes way to skin my softly disappearing pain breathe out, breathe out, be free within

[artofaodh]

feel it can't help but sit and shine feel it scalding smile of summer sun crawling through cracked grey granite and piled coal feel it night departing now shadows stretching long memories pulled apart feel it land beneath its gaze verdant expanse under guarding star life upon it feel it approaching day smothering clouds spatter heaven above rolling hills laughing in brightness breath drawn in feel it cold morning air kissing his lips closing his eyes glow still comes through swearing devotion asking begging pleading please don't let me forget this Feeling.

[artofaodh]

Bells tell time for talk moreso five-piece jazz quartet plays a song of silence

Think about answering the call journey through seas of sand find oasis behind my fence

Sparrow unbidden delivers a note "big dipper dies slowly, lonely, patterns fading from the sky"

With it goes my pain today prayer, tomorrow perhaps truth for now I dream anew

That lights alone in space may shine little glows, hands to hold them softly, and without compare to the other one

That sibling system lost among the heavens stars for which he trades the sun burning words brand me with an evil sign

Past pours over and scars seep blood frenzy, anger, fury, hate, shock and awe can't quite get how he could forget

Glinting gavel judges night's sins flashing light in dark hall dimly lit pool of blood

"Need a smoke first, okay?" ashes smoldering before Christmas Eve comes Death before the Birth

Tired sigh my lips release focus on peace, let go, of rage and love alike

[artofaodh]

In the time of no time at all Where water floods the cosmos And all stars drown in swirling eddies roiling, circling a wheel turning Ideas thought by dust dream And meaning waivers in and out blinking light many colors at once And "it is what it is" as it is what it isn't, isn't it? A spacious tomb built to preserve the dead Starlit sepulchre holding hope ransom It is but it isn't. Crushing surf of immense heavens strong, box, isn't open to interpretation light pours in anyway.

[artofaodh]

ah, to talk to her again. it was so easy most of the time. only when i got in the way was it hard. maybe im just closing myself off, but i feel like a stone now, but im still kinda doing okay. its like a stone that's sitting there in place and can't move on because the thing holding it down is too much, but it's in a river all the same, so it's getting polished.

also: big "I Won't Always Love You" vibes from my energy rn

In short: one day I'm gonna be extra shiny! as long as i keep it up, that is. ill wait here like a stone. and i w*** always love you.

[artofaodh]

in reply to the unknown person, now since deactivated and leaving me unable to reply,

self-respect is "something in the way" for me. i have a warped sense of self, but have things within that scream and mar even more deeply the fabric of who i am if left unsaid. to solve that problem, that pulling apart at the seams between fear of perception and a need to create, i discard as much of those self-preserving aspects as i can. the more i hold onto them, the more twisted i see them as and the more twisted they become.

im certainly still constrained, still restricted, still self-preserving all the wrong parts of who i am, but i want to keep throwing myself into the burning building, if its that or not moving forward.

so no, no self-respect for me. i love you, too. even if you hate me as well.