#apaventures

[jaded-tiger-ring]

Mr. Moschutto stared at her. She rolled her eyes, glaring at the phone as if she could hang up with just her eye contact.

"Rough stuff?" he asked, fairly sure his voice wouldn't have been picked up. She nodded, opened her mouth, closed it again, and then shook her head.

"I'd be an asshole if I said anything," she said at last, shrugging. "So I've just been sitting here. Fucking hell. God fucking damn."

"That bad, huh?"

"That long."

She shook her head, glancing down at the paper with Raneno and Citai drawn on it. "Are they cat people?"

"Yup," she said, popping the 'p' as best as she could. "Look, I even gave them TWO pairs of ears."

"Insane," Mr. Moschutto said. "Unbelievable."

"Just seems so like," she waved her hands, growled in her throat and banged the table all in a matter of seconds. "Like just stop! Just say what you're thinking, none of the drama! Stop with the voice acting and wavering and shit! Fuck!"

Mr. Moschutto smiled. "I think you're tired." He looked like an angel.

"Just tell them you're gonna go."

"Fuck," she snapped again, just because she could do it here, with him.

"Oh, by the way."

"Hm?" he asked.

"So..." she paused, standing up to look up at him from under her lashes like she'd always wanted to do. "There's this Canadian...?"

"Oh, shit," he said, and she burst out laughing at his aghast expression. "This again?!"

[jaded-tiger-ring]

“youve been gone a while.”

“yeah.”

she didn’t sound upset, or mad. just a little tired-the day’s adventuring had taken its toll on her.

“feeling better?”

“much.”

she toed her shoes off, shaking them so they tumbled softly to the floor, and let the door swing open wide enough for mr. moschutto to step in after her and close it.

“will you greet the others?”

“mm, later. are they well?”

“always.”

she looked up, and he paused at her expression. tired in the moment. but there was something underneath that. a brimming sort of energy that was keeping her up at night, clouding her thoughts with-

“are you thinking of someone?”

she snickered. “maybe so. are you jealous?”

“hardly. who is it?”

“can’t say. you must already know. he’s an old friend.”

“you’re a strange one.”

she lay on the couch, and he sat beside her, watching her process her thoughts quietly to herself. if she had anything to say, she would. 

“jeez!” there it was. “aaagh!” she covered her face with her hands. mr. moschutto smiled. “you’re in deep again, aren’t you?”

when she spoke, her voice was muffled. “have been for a while, but thanks for noticing.”

it was good to have her back.

[jaded-tiger-ring]

“im sorry,” she said, sobbing as she covered her face with her hands. “im sorry, i’m sorry.”

“don’t be,” he said, holding onto her wrists. “please, please, don’t be sorry. please be okay.”

the broken glass in the kitchen was a reminder of her emotions-a dangerous, violent beast that lashed out at any memories of her past. a monster that refused to let her remember but never let her forget. 

[jaded-tiger-ring]

“Say it.”

She stared at him, at the way Mr. Moschutto nodded at her firmly. “Who else will, if you don’t?”

He was right.

She took a deep breath, staring at the picture. That woman.

She hated her.

Hated who she could have become because of her.

“Fuck you,” she spat, hands gripping the cold counter and nails sliding on the surface the tighter she held on. “You’re the reason I’ll never go to Wilmington.”

The longer she stared the more she remembered. The same things happening, over and over until she began to hate her family and her life because of it. “I hate you,” she said, voice rasping with tears on the way. “I hate you!”

It wasn’t enough. It would never be.

“You’re the reason I hated my life!”

The first began to spill down her cheeks, like birds taking off to fly for the first time. “You’re the reason I can’t stand any of them anymore!”

No, it wasn’t true. They all had their reasons. She shook her head, wiping at her tears before taking a deep breath.

“I hope I never see you again, and I hope you know I won’t! I wish you knew I was serious!”

She fell to the floor, sobbing as she covered her face with her hands. Mr. Moschutto and Citai sat with her, even as she cried and cried and cried.

“I mean it,” she said, turning to them both and glaring, as if she could see the monster’s face in front of her. Her mother’s face, twisted with venom and possession and greed. “I wish she knew I hated her since I was old enough to do it.”

[jaded-tiger-ring]

Mr. Moschutto laughed. “you panicked?”

“i didn’t think he was talking to me!” she exclaimed, covering her face in the hands. “i’m so dumb. i’m really too dumb to deal with this. this is so weird.”

“i think it’s fine.”

she looked up to mr. moschutto, eyebrows rising. “really?”

“well, you got yourself a high A for the class, you don’t fall asleep, you take good notes and you’ve gotten yourself a favorite teacher. there’s nothing wrong with a simple crush.”

“right!” she laughed gleefully, falling back onto the couch and throwing her hands in the air before covering her face again. “and he smiled at me! me!”

“wow.”

“i feel so giddy. i hope i can come by his office again someday.”

“so you can spy on him in front of him?”

she squealed into her hands, giggling madly. “maybe! i don’t know!”

despite how busy the last two weeks had been, she was cheerful and upbeat. 

“in the least serious tone possible, what about Him?” Mr. Moschutto asked suddenly, and when she looked over to see him she was glad to see his nonchalant expression and knew he was saying the truth when he said he wasn’t serious. “god, i don’t know,” she said. “i don’t want to think seriously right now either, so i’ll just leave it as we might break up. he doesn’t know, and i don’t really, but i don’t think i see this being a long term thing.”

“oh?”

“just. it’s just not what i want, i guess. but this? this is fun!”

“dating Him was fun at first, too.”

“yeah,” she sighed, shrugging. “then he started talking about sex and refused to stop. so there!”

“to your first one on one conversation with your teacher,” Mr. Moschutto said, and she looked out to see him holding out his fist. she knocked her own fist against it and threw it up into the air again. “for awkward conversations!” she cried out. “and many more to come!”

[jaded-tiger-ring]

she rapped on the door with quick hands, sped up by irritation. “is citai here?” she asked, when raneno opened the door for her. “no. come in?”

she sighed but stepped in, pulling her shoes off as she did. “good god,” she said, and then, because she was that irritated, said it again. “good god!”

“what’s up? citai will be back later, but you can talk to me.”

she knew raneno would use this as a way to gossip to citai later, but she was fine with it, knowing the news was only passed between the pair. “don’t tell anyone,” she said with a wink before following raneno to the living room and sitting on one of the pillows on the floor. raneno offered her a can of sparkling lemonade, and she tore the lid off and cracked it open, downing a few sips before feeling calm enough to breath. “okay so, he was just...?!”

“yeah?”

“this is gonna be really weird, but he took a secret picture of his classmate-SOME GIRL he’s probably never even talked to-just to ask me what i think of her style. HELLO?!”

“holy shit,” raneno said, eyes widening. “what the fu-”

“holy christ,” she said back, covering her face in her hands. “i can’t believe him. i literally can not. does he just not think of how weird that is?!”

“how can he not??”

“and that’s not even it,” she said, pulling her phone out to scan the text messages she’d been exchanging. “he says he looks good wearing khakis and a bright jacket.”

“oh?”

“HE DOESN’T WEAR JEANS. oh my god. how good can someone actually look if they refuse to wear jeans?! i feel so petty right now.”

“oh my god, what in the world,” raneno said, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. “obviously if all he wears is khakis-”

“sweatpants.”

raneno barked out a harsh laugh, eyes just returning from the ceiling only to come back up. “he wears SWEATS? THEN EVEN more so, obviously if all he wears is SWEATS and khakis SOMETIMES he’s gonna think he looks good-”

“oh my GOD,” she said, covering her face again. she had no idea how to respond. “i can’t even speak. AND THE PICTURE! OF A STRANGER!”

“shit, lady. what the fuck is wrong with him?”

[jaded-tiger-ring]

“Like, is he fucking dumb or what?” she snapped, shoving the key in the lock and twisting the door handle.

“who?”

she jumped at the voice, turning to see a shorter man with tired blue eyes and his hands shoved in his hoodie. “you’re the new neighbor, right?”

“uh, yeah. sorry, i haven’t gotten a chance to introduce myself to everyone yet.”

the man shrugged, pulling a stick of gum out of his pocket and throwing it into his mouth. “that’s fine. I’m citai (raneno). is it just me or are you pissed about something someone’s done?”

“i am, yeah,” she said, laughing breathlessly. 

“wanna talk about it?”

she shrugged, vaguely uncomfortable. “it’s just. boyfriend problems, you know?”

“fuck if i do,” citai said, though she didn’t know what he meant by that. “you might like someone a lot but they can be such utter shitheads other times, right?”

“yeah,” she said. citai held out a stick of gum and she shook her head. “hey,” he said suddenly, before she could enter her apartment. “i’m roommates with a girl here, too. if you’re up for it we have soda and an addiction to gossip. wanna chill?”

“uhm. sure, i guess. let me put my things away.”

-

raneno was a girl with deep indigo hair that went down almost her entire back. “funny,” she said, when she introduced herself. “i like it. it’s a pretty name.”

“thanks.” irritated again after a conversation with a friend, she was in no mood to exchange manners. raneno seemed to sense it.

“there’s this one girl i know,” she began, “she shows off her art sometimes, but you know what i realized?”

“what, what?” citai asked, almost goading her on. the atmosphere in the room had shifted as soon as the door closed, turning into an eery, almost whimsical mood.

“she’s tracing. and then showing it off like it’s hers!”

citai rolled his eyes, drinking from his soda. she spoke up at that. “god, i know someone like that. it’s obvious to see the difference in their actual art versus the art they claim they drew. there’s no way to get those details unless you see it from a photo.”

“right, right?”

raneno and citai seemed like a strange, but relieving company to hang around with. 

[jaded-tiger-ring]

“hey, are you okay?”

she sobbed, covering her hands with her eyes.

“Mr. Moschutto,” she whispered, voice as fragile as glass. “can you help me?”

“of course, with what?”

“when do you...” another sob tore out of her throat. her hands were shaking. “when do people start thinking about breaking up?” she asked at last.