#apollosfallen asks

[apollosfallen]

im a transmasc nonbinary person who is probably intersex (i naturally experience very few periods, have male-typical body hair growth patterns, naturally grow sideburns and chin scruff, etc) and like.... the term TME pisses me off . i walk around every day looking, essentially, like a woman with some masculine secondary sex characteristics. are you SURE im transmisogyny exempt, bestie ?

(also have seen posts that are like "transmasc nonbinary people just want to look like caricatures of trans women (i.e women with beards and possibly no tits) and its like bestie im not on T my body just looks like this . im not being transmisogynistic by [checks notes] liking the way my body looks already but wanting top surgery )

Youre right to be pissed off tbh, the term is intersexist and exclusionary.

Im also not a fan (to put it Quite mildly) of the specific kind of person who will point to someone and call them a caricature. Like a) a person's natural looks aren't a statement, b) don't project insecurity onto people who deserve to love themselves as they are, and c) specific to the example you mentioned, that person sounds like their internal image of a trans man is incredibly transphobic.

It boggles my mind how many people think they're making progressive transfeminist social commentary when theyre just.... insulting people based on appearances. Barely masked transmedicalism.

[apollosfallen]

It's so exhausting trying to get people to care about trans men and trans mascs. I feel like we're begging and screaming and no one cares. I feel so disheartened and abandoned by my own community and I don't know what we can do when no one will listen and others outright attack us

I believe the most important time to endure is when it's the hardest.

There are people who care, there are people who listen to us. There are people who don't even know what they don't know, but are willing to learn.

And if anything, all my trans brothers have community with me. I can promise that.

[apollosfallen]

How'd you know you were trans?

Loaded question there, anon.

Short version: I was able to identify some feelings I was having as dysphoria. That, combined with my fantastic roommates letting me try a new name/'nouns in a supportive setting, kinda sealed it for me.

Long version:

For years before I was a trans man, I wasn't very clear on my gender. I just knew I wasn't a woman. I floated in the middle, using she/they or they/she or at one point they/he/she, but thought that jumping 'all the way' to being a man was drastic. I even had a trans guy friend clock me like a year before I came out as a guy: "Are you sure you're not a man?" "What? No."

My reason? I didn't want a penis. Straight up. You can laugh.

So, in a sense, I knew I was trans because I knew what I wasn't. I just didn't know what I was. I researched a lot of nonbinary identities, looking for one that worked. Genderfluid seemed strong, but not quite.

I had a lot of conversations about gender with my nonbinary and transfem roommates, but what finally did it was walking upstairs to the transfem roommate, asking "Did you ever have unexplainable, negative feelings growing up, and only after discovering you were trans realize it was actually dysphoria?" And when she went, "Uh... yeah?" I went back downstairs without another word, and she had to chase me, yelling, "WE'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION!"

We talked a lot about how I felt, and having that supportive space was honestly a huge help. She and my other roommates agreed to try using he/him, and a name that I still use today :)

I cracked the egg kinda late (like...22?) because I think my mind and soul needed to work through a lot of the things I experienced growing up in order to feel like I had the space to explore and be myself.

For the record, I still don't think I want a penis- or at least the bottom surgery it would require to get one. I am in line for top surgery, but past that, I am pretty satisfied with the changes I'm getting with T alone.

Anyway, anon. Maybe you're asking because of some feelings you're having, and if that is the case, I hope this helps. But also, no trans person's experiences are the same. If ours don't look the same, don't let that deter you!

[apollosfallen]

i could say it better in The Essay but like . tldr its difficult to find lady werewolves in Romance because of cis women's discomfort with the idea that A Woman could Become the Perfect Man, and worse, *enjoy* it , and its something a woman could be turned into without their consent by interacting with the wrong man

Hell yeah, I gotcha! It's definitely something to be looked into because it 100% follows from the general attitude towards trans men that transandrophobic cis women have

[apollosfallen]

so, generally, in Romance books, the werewolf as a monster is the Perfect Man. hes strong, physically aggressive, but sensitive, in tune with nature, obsessed wirh you, etc. almost all werewolf books are about a feminine person (even the gay werewolf ones ive read typically have the pov character be a weaker, submissive, human falling in love with the Perfect Man Werewolf) .

this isnt just for monsterfucker reasons either; its not hard to find like, f/m cat shifters, f/m faeries, f/m vampires. its SPECIFICALLY werewolves

in Romance books, when it DOES happen generally one of 3 things happens

1. female werewolves Are Super Exceedingly Rare and theres maybe 3 in the whole us and men hunt them for sport

2. just as the male werewolf is the Perfect Man the female werewolf is the Perfect Woman . submissive, emotional, etc

imo theyre doing this because theyre attempting to *avoid* their female or feminized pov characters Becoming The Perfect Man (and thus gnc / allegorically transmasculine) . its not phrased like that but a lot of Romance is written by women for women and it is as a genre INTENSELY uncomfortable with a woman possessing any kind of masculinity that isnt in service of men .

i could write it better but tldr i think the reason its a fucking struggle for me to find good f pov werewolf romance is transandrophobia

(Sorry it took so long to post this!)

Seeing it laid out like this is compelling, I like where you're going with this!!

I think one of my favourite things is finding this kind of academic passion because 'no one does this right'. Fuck yeah.

[apollosfallen]

im planning to write an actual academic essay about this someday but in my opinion lady werewolves (specifically in Romance settings, i can't speak to horror) are specifically transmasculine coded and thats why its so fucking difficult to find books about lady werewolves that are not twisting themselves into knots to justify her being tooootally feminine guys

Now that is one hell of a hook. You are free to fill my inbox with your theories anon, because I am invested

[apollosfallen]

I don't know who to go with this and I respect you so here I am. I'm transmasc nonbinary and gray-romantic gray-sexual and gay (gray-gay?). I've always known I like men (when I feel attraction) but I've always felt guilty for it. So many people (on and offline in queer spaces) for the past decade have been extremely anti-masculine in general and anti-transmasculine specifically the entire time I've known this about myself. This is to the point where for years I've tried to force myself to be attracted to women but that makes me feel sick which then makes me feel like I'm being a misogynist.

I'm really sorry, anon. Living in shame of who you are is upsetting, to say the least, and no one deserves that.

You are not a bad person for these feelings. Not being attracted to woman isn’t equivalent to being misogynistic. It isn't. You aren't sick of the thought of women, you are sick at the thought of crossing your own boundaries, and that's entirely understandable.

You deserve to be authentically yourself, and not feel guilty about it. Being masculine and being attracted to masculinity is a beautiful thing. Being gay is a beautiful thing.

Did you know that gay couples experience the lowest rate of divorce? Maybe that means we've got it figured out :) /lh

In my experience, there is no better defense against the anti-transmasculinity and anti-masculinity rhetoric than proudly being my gay as hell, masculine self. You and I are proof by example that their bigotry has no legs to stand on.

I hope I've been able to give you some encouragement, anon. It's important to me that you thrive as your true self.

[apollosfallen]

me and you and you and me no matter how they toss the dice it had to be

I hope this is the Gerard Way version