you were shown external love and support time and time and time again, so why didn't you get better?
why did you make no true effort to get better?
you take and take and take and never think about anyone but yourself. even in your romantic relationships it's always serving you. even your help to your partners serves your emotions and your guilt first.
and sometimes, when you lie awake wondering if you're a bad person, it's not intrusive 'ocd' obsessions. it's guilt. because you know you've been selfish. you know you've been toxic. you know you took advantage of people's goodwill and kindness and left them bleeding out sleeping on the couch. took their care materials for yourself. no you wouldnt put them out in a fire you couldn't even give them the grace of a bandage because you hoarded them all. you took all their money too, treated their safehouse as a fucking all-inclusive resort.
I hope you pay them back, I hope you learn from this, I hope you change for the better. I hope you stop being a black hole that sucks everyone's energy and belongings from them.
make an effort to heal this time around. you're running out of people you can take advantage of.
