#arc: twilight.

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IN PHOENIX THERE WAS A STRICTNESS TO THE SCHOOLS THAT ISN'T THE SAME HERE: once students arrived, they weren't allowed out until the final bell rang, any visitors had to be cleared and signed in; there were even metal detectors. here, it was stupidly easy for students to ditch ( it must be, if even I did it ) because no such security exists; visitors were expected to sign in, but the school was so spread out, they didn't have to. the other day a kid in my math class forgot his lunch, and his mom hand-delivered it to him, interrupting class and everything (no complaints there).

which is to say that eating lunch outside at school still holds some novelty to me. not in the least because there's so rarely decent weather for it here.

@cathydoll: IS THAT A BUG IN YOUR SANDWICH?

i first look at her -- CATHY, i think her name is. we share gym together, but mike is the only one brave enough to interact me there -- and then down at my sandwich. it's a rare day that i packed my own lunch from home instead of buying whatever the cafeteria had: TURKEY AND SWISS ON MULTIGRAIN. not my favorite (i prefer ham or roast beef) but the cold cuts were going bad, and both charlie and i hate throwing out food. i cut in half, diagonally, and on the piece without several bites taken out of it, sure enough, crawled a large ant.

"ew." what else was there to say? i toss both pieces into the nearby bush and sigh, as i replace the container into my lunchbox. "thanks. more protein might've been good for me, but i don't think ants are high enough in it to justify." my stomach pains, and i dig into my box to take out the granola bar i also packed.

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if vampires exist, then why shouldn’t witches? if anything, didn’t the existence of certain vampire powers – alice’s ability to foresee the future for one – imply that humans with some magic exist already? if carlisle’s theory that vampires carry over some aspect of their humanity is true anyway. the more i think about it, the stupider i feel for not realizing it sooner (when i get turned – and it is WHEN, no matter what edward says about it now. alice saw it; it’ll happen).

there’s a difference, though, between abstractly realizing something could exist, and meeting one. 

@devilsnare (LAURA): SHOULD I BE AFRAID?

i shake my head. though i feel like i should be. “the vampires here are friendly – they eat animals, not people. i’m dating one,” i add, partially to explain how i know so much about it, and partially as a warning to anything that might be going on in her head. i don’t THINK she means me any harm, but my track record with the supernatural besides the cullens isn’t great. and aren’t witches even more evil than vampires? vampires need blood to survive, whereas witches were just petty. at least, that’s what i’ve gathered from the very little i already knew about them (though all of that could be entirely wrong like a lot of the popular tales about vampires were). “w-what do you want with them, anyway?”

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it’s so hot in forks during the summer – a sticky, MOIST heat completely opposite of arizona’s dry heat that forks has single-handedly ruined the warm months for me forever – that i’ve been depending on edward’s natural cold temperature to sleep during the night. he’s been staying at night so commonly that it’s weird when he doesn’t now, but there are still weekends when he needs to leave to go hunting and i sleep by myself. this time, however, that was a non-option – charlie doesn’t have ac, and the small fan i have only moves the hot air around rather than provides relief from it. i can’t sleep without him now. but he still needs to hunt, so alice came as compromise.

except, alice wasn’t content in simply slipping in through my window like edward does. instead, she wanted a full ruse for charlie, like we were just two normal humans (which, albeit, in my case is true) having a slumber party. i didn’t have much experience in this department as maybe alice thought (i was only invited to birthday sleepovers during elementary school that everyone got invited to. once we got older, i stopped being invited), but the evening seemed to be going in an expected enough direction. it’s nearly midnight and we’re still talking at least; all the movies and books say that’s how it’s meant to go.  

@saintshe (ALICE): TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.

i snort. “you KNOW my family. you talk to charlie all the time, and you’ve met renee.” i lean my head against her wonderfully cool arm and stifle a yawn. “there’s not much else to say. my grandparents are dead, and i don’t have any aunts or uncles or cousins….” i end with a shrug. renee is a colorful person, but i can’t understand how her humanly eccentric ways would be interesting to a vampire. besides my mom, there’s nothing else interesting to say about my family; we’re just humans, normal humans trekking along with all the petty, insignificant concerns that coincide with that. it barely interests ME.

i look up at her small face. “tell me about YOUR family.” there’s still so much about the cullens i don’t know….  

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out of all the cullens, rosalie always felt the most dangerous. emmett might be the biggest, jasper might have a more predator air, and edward is … EDWARD, a lion amongst lambs, but rosalie always seemed the most inhuman. even before i was made part of the secret, i couldn’t believe she was real, not even in the abstract way i rationalized edward existing. i doubt rosalie seemed human even when she was one. beautiful, aloof, tenacious (as edward called it), and most dangerous in those ways.

the fact that i know she doesn’t like me maybe has to do with my opinion about that. it’s only with jasper around that i’m fully comfortable with rosalie (and that doesn’t count for obvious reasons).

charlie was away on a long-weekend fishing trip, so edward and i took the opportunity for me to spend more, uninterrupted time with his family. i forgot that vampires don’t sleep. it made it hard for me to sleep, knowing everyone else would be awake…with supernatural hearing…. what if i muttered something stupid in my sleep? what if i farted? (even with edward out with his brothers on a quick, night-hunting trip, the thought makes me glad, once again, that he can’t read my broken mind).

to remain awake, i stayed downstairs with the girls, a collection that included rosalie too to my surprise. i curl up on the sofa, arms around my knees and one of esme’s knitted blankets around my shoulders.

@saintshe (ROSALIE): I ONCE HAD TO BE QUIET TO SURVIVE

i blink at her, biting my lip. “um.” i chuckle, unable to help it. “that’s kinda – that’s kinda impossible to picture.” an apology mingled with amusement. even if she and edward don’t seem close, rosalie is still edward’s sister, and i would LIKE to become closer to her. even if she makes me nervous, i can’t say i don’t like her (i don’t know her well enough for that), even if i’m certain she doesn’t like me.

but i’m not going to let this rare opportunity go to waste. “so what happened?” i ask, careful, my arms tightening around my knees. i blush because the question feels rude. “sorry, i mean –” i don’t know what i mean and my voice flounders. “sorry.” ELOQUENT AS ALWAYS BELLA, the thought takes on a specific edward-like tone.