No Cue Cards || Trapped in Hell Self Para
The one thing that eerily stood out to Rhiannon about a funeral was how perfect everything was. The funeral home was always pristine and clean. The flowers were always vibrant and beautifully blooming. The funeral director was always too soft spoken, too sweet, too careful. Almost all of them had this pitying look in their eyes and she hated it. She always did.
When Madison Dean spotted her head of blonde hair, she could tell that the young woman had been grieving too. She still looked lovely, her black dress simple yet flattering. Yet, her hair didn’t have its usual sheen and sadness and hurt and mourning had settled in her azure eyes. Rhiannon’s eyes found Connor’s mother and she gave a small smile. However, her smile didn’t reach her eyes. She moved forward to meet Madison and when she finally reached her the older woman wrapped her arms around her. Rhiannon had never been one for hugs but she made an exception and accepted it without a fuss.
“I’m so glad you could make it, dear,” Madison said.
The blonde pulled away, and gave a lot of effort into giving her a small smile.
“Of course I did. I wouldn’t miss it,” she said—thinking about how she had been so close to actually not coming.
He had a military funeral, complete with Honor Guards and the flag folding. There were drums and shots fired and one honor guard played Taps. Rhiannon desperately tried to pay attention to it all, all the ceremonies. But she wasn’t in her chair, at that funeral. No, she—all except her body—was in New York City, reliving the moments they shared. She stared at her hands, consumed by her thoughts, until she heard Madison’s voice say, “—And now Rhiannon Thompson will say a few words.”
Rhiannon looked up and nodded, a horrible lump of anxiety settling in her gut. She took out two written on flash cards and made her way to podium. She looked at the crowd that had gathered for Connor and realized that she could only pick out maybe four or five faces that she actually recognized. I shouldn’t be here, she thought to herself, I don’t even know anyone here. The young woman gulped and cleared her throat before starting. She glanced down at her cue cards, realizing that her hands were shaking. One deep breath and it commenced.
“Hi. A few of you know me, most of you don’t. My name is Rhiannon Thompson and I worked very closely with Connor Dean. H-He was a good soldier. He always had your back, and he wasn’t afraid to go into the heat of the battle to help you. There was this bravery about him, something that I could never have…” She paused and stared at her cue cards and had the realization that she hated every word. It sounded so fake and lifeless, with no conviction, and he deserved so much better than that. The awkward silence, hung in the air before she continued—without her cards. She put them face down and looked at the crowd instead. Rhiannon thought of how much she missed him, and how much she wanted him here with her. Then she, on that podium, realized something.
“I loved him,” she blinked and took a deep breath, “I loved him. Just like you all do. You know, he sometimes thought that he was just a man but he wasn’t. I never saw him as just a man. He was this amazing magnificent man who was brave enough to do things that I would never attempt to do,”Like call me out on how I push everyone away, “More than a good soldier, he was a good friend. More than a good friend, he was one of the most amazing men I knew. He still is. I loved him for the little things, things like the smiles he would use to greet me with and the way his eyes would light up when he talked about Captain America, or comic books in general. I loved him for the big things, like when he promised me that he would always be there for me and when he saved my life from a bullet headed straight for my heart. I loved him for those moments when he would act like the most awkward man on the planet and for the moments he shared his similar childhood with me. He told me he was—and I quote—an “anti social kid”. And I completely understood. I loved how he took care of me, even when I didn’t want him to. And I loved how he…never gave up on me. It had been a long time since anyone had ever done either and before he came along, I didn’t think anyone ever would again. Connor saved me, in more ways than one, and I will never forget him. Never.”
With that, she stepped away from the podium and hoped that Connor had heard her up in heaven; and that he was glad that she had spilled her heart out to him—even if she was late.
