#archived answer

[the-great-defender]

Why did you step on the fountain in that dude's garden?

I can assure you that it wasn’t intentional Anonymous. 

I was still ‘learning’ my new body at that point -- and my proximity sensors were not yet functioning at their full capacity. I was not paying full attention to where my feet were going...and unfortunately the fountain was a casualty. 

I am very grateful that the ‘re-learning’ of my body (after scanning a new vehicle mode) takes a relatively small amount of time -- humans are very easily crushed underfoot.

Thanks to that fountain, I always watch where I step. 

[the-great-defender]

What's the background on YOUR phone big guy?

Ahh Anonymous - you assume I possess a cellular device! ;) 

I have no need of a cellular device as I have a built in comm link which has better service than the best provider on Earth. ;) 

But if I did possess a cellular device, the background image would be...

My little one. :)

[the-great-defender]

How is it fair to have a tickle war when you are so much bigger than your little one? ;)

Ahh, but you assume she doesn’t tickle me. ;) 

Her small hands can easily slip between my plating and tickle sensitive wires and piping. I am very gentle with her when we have our tickle wars. 

She, on the other hand, is quite merciless!

[the-great-defender]

{"Hello, optimus. How are you?"} ( Came the young feminine voice. Sitting in front of the leader is an all white cat. With a red bow tied neatly around her neck, accompanied by a strange green ball on the end of her tail. Her blue eyes looked at the other in a respecting manner.)

“I am well, thank you for asking.” 

The great mech started to lower himself, slowly so as not to startle the small feline.  The ground rumbled faintly under his colossal weight as he lowered one knee onto the ground. Optimus bowed his head to the cat, slightly unsure of the feline etiquette. 

“What should I call you friend?” 

[the-great-defender]

Yo Big Guy. How ya doin'?

Yo? I do not understand…

I am well Anonymous. Thank you for asking. 

[the-great-defender]

Hello again Optimus. I hope you're having a good day. I just wanted to ask what is something you don't like about Earth.

Good evening Mary. 

I am not as well as I would have hoped - I have a mild virus that has attacked my CPU and has tricked my cooling systems into no longer cooling me. Ratchet is writing an inoculation code as I write this, but thus far his attempts have been unsuccessful. 

I apologise if my response comes across as curt or abrasive. 

Hmm, something I dislike about Earth. 

I suppose the main thing that irks my processor about Earth is the humans’ attitude that the resources on this planet are infinite. Since our arrival to Earth five years ago, I have watched various news reports about global warming and how the polar ice caps are melting and causing the sea levels to rise. Humans have been warned about the consequences of this; drought, famine and flooding, yet they still insist on being an extremely wasteful populace. 

The reason that this fact bothers me so much is simple. I had to watch my planet die an extremely slow and painful death. This caused my Spark inexplicable pain, and it would be absolute purgatory to witness the same happen on this beautiful planet. 

One other thing is the humans are very quick to judge each other. I do not like how there are certain ideals of beauty on this planet and if one does not conform to it, then they are ‘called out’ on it so to speak. I dislike how human females have to fight for equal treatment among the genders. Humans are all members of the same race, regardless of gender, sexual orientation and neurology. It is our actions and choices that make us who we are; Sentinel Prime taught me that and he reneged on it. I sincerely regret the role I played in his demise. 

If I can do anything good whilst I am on this planet, it is to teach the humans not to go the same way as we did on Cybertron. Whole generations cannot be lost simply due to the vanity of pride. 

Simply put; 

“Till all are one.” 

Prime out. 

[the-great-defender]

Hello Optimus; what are you up to? I hope you have a good weekend.

Hello Mary, I hope you are well today. 

Tonight the little one and I are watching the first Pirates of the Caribbean with Major Lennox and Sergeant Epps. It is my first time watching it, I have to say I am rather enjoying it so far! ;) 

As for the weekend, I have nothing hugely exciting planned. I can no longer avoid Ratchet’s attempts to get me into the med bay and give me a routine maintenance check. He is ruthless in his medical duties! I am grateful for his service though. He is a highly capable medic and a most trusted friend :). The only other person on this planet (and likely the universe!) who can convince me to have a medical check up is Lia. 

Do you have anything planned for the weekend? 

[the-great-defender]

Just wanted to send you a quick message Optimus: specifically, I wanted to ask if you watch Earth television shows. My favorite shows are cooking based shows like Masterchef and Hell's Kitchen.

Hello Mary :) 

I am rather partial to a good crime drama myself.  My little one is British, so she has introduced me to a few good British crime dramas that she enjoys. 

I have two that I can watch regularly, Luther and The Bridge. I found The Bridge whilst browsing online for something new to watch whilst Lia was other wise occupied. It makes me anxious to be away from her you see. 

She was a bit battered and bruised after Sentinel took her...she spent a rathber long time with Ratchet in the med bay. It was then I decided to look for alternative crime dramas in an effort to keep the worry in my mind at bay for at least a short while. 

The Bridge is interesting; it is a Danish/Swedish crime drama about a murdered woman who is found perfectly on the border between the two countries that is separated by a bridge. Some humans find it rather gruesome though as she is discovered with her torso in Sweden and her bottom half in Denmark. 

I rather enjoy it, and Lia will sometimes watch it with me, though she has to have the subtitles on as it is in Swedish and Danish. That is not an issue for myself or the other Autobots, as you may be aware, we learned all of Earth’s languages through the World Wide Web. Lia hates having the subtitles on, so she doesn’t watch it very often ;). Her favourite is Luther, she says Idris Elba is rather easy on the eye. 

I also enjoy Bates Motel. That is something that Lia and I will watch together every time. I have a rather large space of wall which is a perfect surface to project something onto. I will often sit on my berth and Lia will sit on my shoulder and lean against my cheek plate -- she often falls asleep there! 

I hope that has answered your question :). I must watch the cooking shows you mentioned - I often utilise my human holoform to cook for Lia as she hates cooking and bless her Spark, she often has unfortunate culinary accidents in the kitchen! ;)