𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐍 𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 . 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏 and dark and ever filling , ever full . sadness was a gutted peach , a stomach left pit - hungry . seed stolen . sadness was i lost the baby . it is three pm and lydia had been getting ready for her night class , tired and a little hungry and usual . normal. routine . phone call from allison was smile - inducing , a sweet , ❛ allison ! i miss — ❜ sadness was i lost the baby . lydia drops everything she is holding save the phone , feels as though she is suddenly without spine , without support , ready to crumble from the sound of allison’s voice , and oh , oh . what grief ! sweet moon / why have you taken / such love from your very own marrow ? this beautiful lunar - kissed girl / was your own / so why do you keep pulling / and pulling / and pulling / from her gut ? she is your kin / your dust and ichor / let her be happy / let her let her please please please .
the grief in allison’s voice is not diminished by the receiver — no , lydia can hear it as though it lives in her own throat . as though this were her own loss . perhaps she had been almost prepared for some kind of tragedy — her dreams over the last few nights had been dark and full of terror , all shadows and fruit bowls empty but filled with blood , a mother’s wail somewhere in the distance , the devil with his hand on lydia’s throat , but even knowing something was coming did not make the news easier . did not prepare her for the wretched weeping , woman inconsolable over the phone , and lydia , through her own numbed shock , works on auto , books a flight for 5:30 pm and does not bother emailing any of her professors , yet . too busy weeping not as a banshee , but just lydia . just as lydia , grieving for allison’s heartbreak . there is nothing to really say that could help , but lydia listens when allison speaks , offers some soft comfort , some firm commands to breathe , you need to breathe , it hurts i know i know i’m sorry but please , breathe with me . lydia does this without question , does not think to hang up the phone even when she is haphazardly packing . checking her apartment for anything dangerous . time is almost clinical and blurred . blurred and too - fast but also stunted , under water , slow and exhausting . like drowning . there is no greater pain than listening to allison argent ask why , and having no response . there is no greater pain than i don’t know what to do lydia how am i supposed to tell scott , what is he going to say , what is he going to think , what if he — before dissolving , again . tired and broken and stolen from .
sadness was an ocean . a vast , empty sea in the belly of a broken - hearted woman . barren , now . like wasteland when it should be full of fruit , when it should be god - touched , goddess - gifted . it builds , suddenly , but lydia tamps down on the urge to scream , covers her mouth with her palm , and it works , for a moment , but nothing can stop her own tears , thick and hot and full of grief for a woman who has already suffered so much , too much . lydia sniffs , once , murmurs jet blue terminal , boston international airport , phone tugged away from her mouth . ❛ i know , i know . i’m here , i’m right here , and i’m coming to you , okay ? i’ll be there in a few hours . i’m coming , i promise . it’ll be — i’ll be there so soon , and we’ll get through it together , how we always do , okay ? okay , ally ? ❜ and then softer still , ignoring the curious glances from her uber driver in the rearview mirror . ❛ i’m sorry , honey . i’m so sorry . give me just a few hours , okay ? ❜
♡ 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄 𝐘𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒 » @argaents .
