#arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

[jaggedspine]

Whatever. Go my Kriselle do not re-post instagram | twitter | bluesky

[shepnicolo]

the luke who quickly smooches your cheek in public and blushes when you touch his hair vs the luke who fucks you for hours at 50000 mph

[qingwaaa]

Sleep? nah, thats crying time

[jinhyungz]

inniecalico

[tomhoppusdelonge]

[zhongven]

his favorite spot

[lesbiankendall]

its sooo fucking annoying living with. memory issues. with some sort of "brain" symptoms. besides having trouble w normal every day stuff it makes watching stuff over a period of time basically impossible. i watched the first two episodes of hr like last week but i barely remember what happens so now that I finally wanna watch more i have to rewatch them or I'll have to make sense of whats happening based on context clues. which im used to doing and could do technically but.

[mannatea]

so i'm finally going to get an iron infusion next friday.

i was sent to a hemophilia clinic for it because "they are the best." they have to see if i have a bleeding disorder of some sort to include me in their program, so they took a billion vials of blood (like, 14-16) and sent out for a bunch of tests.

they asked me a million questions about my menstrual cycle and looked at my family history and recommended genetic testing (because my mom is an alpha1 anti-trypsin carrier w/ symptoms like fatty liver disease) even though my liver enzymes test from december was good.

they also asked if i thought i might be hypermobile or have EDS and even when i said no (i worked w/ someone who had this who was a lot like me in the sense of having arthritis starting young, so i have a good idea of what it looks like and that doesn't seem like me) they mentioned testing for it anyway if these results didn't come back with any bleeding disorders. i couldn't tell if they were saying this because some people don't know they have EDS when they do, or if doing so is them buying time to keep me on "as a patient" long enough to get me my infusions.

anyway, this is a classic case of mychart drip feeding me test results but they need to look at all of them to get a good picture of what it means, and i'm losing my mind a little while i wait for all the results and for them to call to discuss the findings.

that said, now that all the results are in but one, i have to say it's almost funny that so far they are all the opposite of a bleeding disorder?? lol. my fibrinogen tests (activity & antigen) both came back high--with the antigen being like 472mg/dL (with normal range being 180-350) and the activity being 412 (normal range being 200-393).

this kind of fits well with my ESR test from december being abnormal too. yay inflammation--it's everywhere. (the blizzard last week had my hands hurting SO BAD and it still hasn't completely faded.)

at least we're finding something, even if it's starting to look like it will suck. (i've had arthritis since i was 20. my mom has seronegative RA. my grandmother had RA.)

all of this to say i lost five hours of my day to feeling like death. i'm really pissed off about it because i want to write but man my body just wants to shut down instead.

fuck you, body. i still finished chapter 27 today before it all went to shit.

here's to hoping some sleep will fix me--at least temporarily.