#aro discourse

[a-polite-melody]

It would be so nice if every few years queer tumblr didn’t do a, “this queer identity is more privileged than the rest of us and shouldn’t talk about their issues/shouldn’t even be in the community,” about another identity.

Since I’ve been here it’s been: nonbinary people, bisexual people, asexual and aromantic people, polyamorous people, pansexual people, people who only use the word queer for their identity, trans men/mascs, and intersex people. At least. I might’ve missed something.

We’re stronger together. We all need space to discuss our experiences and all deserve not to be spoken over.

[kiwimuichiro]

"Aros aren't queer-" GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE

[queerum]

Ok I know aro posts being tagged as aroace is annoying but also. Aromanticism is very much part of the aroace experience ? Unless the post is specifically about allosexual aromantic I think it's kind of weird to police other aspecs' tagging system about their own identity. I get the annoyance of people tagging posts relating to your identity in a way you don't relate to but also it's just such a non issue. 'why is this post tagged aroace when there's no mention of asexuality?' well maybe because aroace people are aromantic too idk.

[artemx746]

“Other people have it worse—“ there are also other people who have it better and I’m sure those other people would meet both our stories with concern. Think about that before you say I need to be oppressed more to be valid

[beneathsilverstars]

It does bug me that the majority opinion in this fandom seems to be "absolutely no putting Mirabelle in sexual situations, she's sex repulsed" but also "it's fun and cute if she hits every romantic milestone ☝️ as long as you call it a QPR". It feels like sex repulsion is being held on a pedestal that romance repulsion isn't, which is unfair either way you look at it.

Personally, I don't think we should build a ten foot wall around both topics — if you know me, you know my passion as a fandom creator is exploring the complex ramifications of being a-spec in sexual/romantic situations, for better or for worse. But like, you gotta be aware that that's what you're doing. "Mirabelle is happy to settle down with Siffrin and Isabeau and all sleep in one big bed and raise children with them and be committed life partners, as long as it's not called romance" is not something I'm inherently opposed to exploring, because that is a real experience that it's possible for a romance-repulsed aro to have, but I think it should be held on the same level as "Mirabelle is happy to [details I shan't go into on main], as long as it's not called sex".

The former may feel a lot more normal, but you see how that's the exact problem, right? The latter may feel more icky, but if that ick is rooted in respect for enthusiastic consent and a character's stated disinterest, why do you value those less in a nonsexual context?

Like I said, I'm not actually entirely opposed to either scenario. (I understand why some people hate them both, but I think it's possible and rewarding to pull them off in deeply a-spec ways.) And it's fine to personally enjoy one and be way more put off by the other. But there's not really any big canonical difference in how Mirabelle treats one versus the other; she lists sex right alongside activities like bonding and having kids when discussing her frustration that she's expected to find a person to do all of this with. So why is it generally considered unobjectionable to write Mirabelle raising kids, but an absolute nonstarter to write her having sex? When the overall fandom norms skew so obviously like this it's clear that some larger social norms must be at play.

So it is worth giving it some dedicated thought and deciding your opinion on these topics, instead of just going off of what feels distasteful vs what feels cute, or going along with other people's opinions. Even if you end up still wanting to write the same stories, your consideration will make your execution of these ideas stronger and less amatonormative. (And even if you're just reading other people's stories, it's important to consider the assumptions within them lest you mindlessly internalize them.) There's no one right answer, but you still gotta ask yourself the questions. Fighting amatonormativity is an active choice that we all gotta keep looking for opportunities to make. 😤

[black-ace-culture-is]

Hi there popular white/non Black aro blogger! Did you know that aspec racial analysis post you just reblogged from me also applies to other aspec identities that aren't asexual? Did you know that antiblackness in the aspec community comes from aromantics and not just asexuals? Including the ones you follow? And the one's you're mutuals with? Did you know that I'm an 'alloace'? That specific type of aspec that you claim has the most privilege even though the post i just shared shows thats clearly not true? Are you gonna admit that your perspective on alloaces is wrong because of that? Are you gonna stop supporting me as a Black aspec just because I have romantic attraction to women and I'm ace but not aro? When you talk about aroaces being isolated in society do you include the Black aroaces who've come to my page bc they feel excluded by blogs like you? When you talk about the stigma of sex without love do you include Black aroallos and the specific anti Black puritanism that they face and the fact you will not experience it because you are not Black no matter the oppression you face for being aroallo? Are you gonna address how antiblack puritanism harms Black asexuals too and how we're also branded as predatory and perverted or are you gonna keep claiming only aroallos experience that? Do you actually care about the harm coming from the ace community and how Black asexuals are being hurt or are you just tryna shift blame as part of your 'aces and aros should be separated' ideology? Just asking :)

[arkancipher]

Happy Aromantic is trending :)

[aro-absol]

Regarding the discussion around the whole "aros can still date" phrase, I feel like I need to say something because I think some of the posts floating around on here are missing the point.

"Aros can still date" is a phrase we are spreading around to keep cupioromantics/romance-favourable aromantics from having their aromantic identity invalidated. Nothing more, nothing less.

While that phrase is something that protects cupioromantic and romance-favourable, it can also be used to invalidate other aromantic people. So, rather than discussing whether or not the phrase should be used, I think we should focus more on the context/situation it is used in. Because the way I see it, there are only very few situations where aromantics actually benefit from it.

Situations where you should remind yourself of "Aros can still date":

An aromantic person tells you they have a romantic partner

An aromantic person tells you they'd like to be in a romantic relationship

Situations where you should NOT say "Aromantics can still date":

Someone comes out to you as aromantic

Someone says they aren't interested in romantic relationships and don't want to date

Using it to justify your expectations on an aromantic person's love live despite them never mentioning any interest in dating

An aromantic person tells you that they are grieving their lack of romantic attraction

An aromantic person complains to you about amatonormativity/singlism

An aromantic person viewing their lack of interest in dating as a central part of their aromanticism

Literally any other discussion on aromanticism that isn't specifically about participation in or a desire for romance

Maybe this post is trivial, and everyone knows this already, but these discussions here on tumblr make it seem like some people aren't aware of this.