#arrivalation

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Spotify wrapped: 11

Silver and Cold, AFI, and yes it's because of the FUCKING CAR PLAYLIST AGAIN

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Hi I missed you and I'm glad you're back :eyes:

in my defense, my Discord was right there

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Re: your post about ND and rudeness: Like you said, I understand academically that a lot of ND people have felt alienated their whole lives and feel the need to give that back, but two things that are important to me are 1) Wholesale understanding and teaching of ND, which not only is just helpful in general, but also helps prevent people from being rude to each other in general; and 2) The fact that ND (like everything else) is a spectrum. Some NT people exhibit ND behaviors andvice versa (ctd)

(ctd) Also I think the "Only ND people do x) formula is a classic example of black-and-white thinking, which I personally find REAL hard to circumvent and I actively have to work around it a lot. So I'm thinking that brain-configuration plus "no one has been kind to me so it's okay if I'm a dick to everyone because I have an excuse" produces that formula. 

that’s fair and like, I get it, cognitively if not emotionally

but I think it’s something people should really consider if they’re going to be making “content” that’s gonna be seen by a wide variety of people, like... there are just not enough people talking about how wide the variety of ND experience is and way too many people talking as if their experience of ND is the only "right” one, and if you think or act differently then hmmm you must be NT since you’re not like me ~

and I’m willing to assume most of that is unintentional, I’m not convinced that all of it is, because between the emphasis on brain scans and diagnostic testing, the sometimes-blatant sometimes-covert anti-self-diagnosis rhetoric, and how homogeneous the “ND community” can look because of how much attention, say, white American ND content creators get as opposed to people of colour... well, it starts to look a little gatekeepy is all

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I'm sure there was a link to your blog on your VF profile or you mentioned it in some cult or another, so I followed lmao

I’m still so gutted VF is shut down, like I’d already stopped using it by that time but still... THE NOSTALGIA

how did you find my blog and what made you follow?

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Good point re: shadow work. I'm (v slowly) working through a book that has a section on shadow work, and that's exactly how the author lays it out. It didn't resonate with me at all, and I wasn't sure why until I saw your post and related to it. I think shadow-selves, like literally everything else int he universe, is a spectrum, and what's represented in that book and others is just one point on the wheel. (1/2)

It's funny to me that in the book I have, the shadow-self is described as a whole separate villain who only does bad things. But I think for a lot of us, it's not separate at all. A lot of the things I'd consider "shadowy" about myself are already integrated into my whole being, and yes, they're things I need to suppress to maintain relationships etc., but like... idk, everyone's aware of those things already. And what does it mean if your shadow-parts  are like... neutral at best? lmao (2/2) 

I think the typical kind of shadow work is good for people who have a lot of shame about their less socially-acceptable parts, because the toxicity of that shame really warps their relationship with themselves. which, incidentally, makes shadow work perfectly reasonable for any part of oneself that has been warped by toxic shame -- so, yeah, becoming friends with any part of oneself that has gone neglected or has been devalued is important imo

I think the focus tends to be on the “ugly” parts because the typical manner of socialisation is about suppressing things that are “negative” or whatever. like getting in touch with one’s rage is a big thing these days because a lot of people have been taught to never be angry, to be a doormat to other people so they’ll like you, etc. so I get it... it’s just the nature of my toxic programming is that I was taught to suppress everything that made me seem “weak” or made me vulnerable to other people because it’s a dog-eat-dog world etc etc

so my selves are definitely still polarised in a way that’s easy to see -- just in the opposite way from what you’d expect lol. and that’s 1000% because of Trauma(tm). I think it’s also perfectly reasonable to just... not have a shadow. to feel secure in the whole of your being already, without having to have gone through this whole process. there are so many ways to have a self/selves and sometimes integration of your myriad parts comes easier to some people than others (I’d argue that neurodivergence makes these experiences far more varied, which is why stuff like shadow work looks so one-dimensional to us) (and sometimes our experience with internal work just happens organically, because we already think like this -- whereas neurotypical society had been notoriously outward-focused until recently when mindfulness etc became trendy)

ANYWAY LMAO I FORGOT IF I HAD A POINT OR NOT

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I have a "Maniac" cover in my top songs playlist - I never paid attention to who the artist was, but apparently it's Carpenter Brut. I get all excited when we have music in common because I think your musical sensibilities are cool as hell lmao

yesssss I fuckin LOVE Carpenter Brut lmao high five

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Okay I want you to know that I'm half dead from lack of sleep, and I read your text on the "Joshua Graham - Yessss" post as *spingle tingles*. I can't fucking breathe aihrgnjalk

oh yeah that was OP’s text but ldkmfalfkdfl that’s hilarious

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I watched the X-Files episode where Scully and Mulder get stuck in an Alaskan science fort with some other people and an alien parasite. I knew this show was gonna get good, but goddamnit I was not prepared. Scully holding down the fort, and Mulder screaming desperately at her to get her gun off him ;~; Also, the scene in the beginning with the two dudes killing themselves in front of each other? I got big Annihilation energy from that *chef's kiss*

oh yeah, I remember that one. it was very dramatic, lmao. big The Thing vibes too

there’s another “trapped on a vessel” type episode that I used to get confused with this one that is really awesome, I’ll just say it’s in s2 and it has a Norwegian title so when you see it get ready for some Feels(tm)